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Old 20-10-2020, 04:05 PM   #1
coldsummer
 
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Should I keep sharp objects away?

I feel very shaken, very worried.
I've been going through a very good period, been doing great, didn't cut for a long time, didn't even think about it. I really thought I put this behind me!

But it seems that it sort of became in automatic reflex... Today I was a little upset about something and without realizing what I was doing, I picked up a tool that lay next to me and very suddenly used them. I cut deeper than I ever did, I had to use a towel to stop the bleeding and clear the evidence quickly (I live with flatmates).

I'm very worried. It seems as though even when I'm in a good place, I can't control it. I swear didn't intend to cut! I don't know what to do. Can't I trust myself? Has this happened to anyone?


Last edited by Pi.R^2 : 26-10-2020 at 02:19 PM. Reason: removing name of tool


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Old 21-10-2020, 03:22 AM   #2
Auror.
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I think you can still trust yourself. The only times I've occasionally self harmed more recently have also been when I am not super aware of it. So in theory, increasing your awareness / trying to stay more present in the moment even if your emotions are uncomfortable could potentially be useful. I think the technical term for this is called grounding, though I personally always struggle with figuring out what that means.

Unconscious habits are really hard to break, but if you didn't do it intentionally, I don't think you need to be too hard on yourself. It just sounds like maybe you need to work on your awareness with regards to when you're feeling strong emotions so you can learn to safely navigate through them.

Apologies if this is not making much sense it is mostly all stuff that has been explained to me so is secondhand knowledge.



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Old 21-10-2020, 02:24 PM   #3
coldsummer
 
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Thank you, it does make sense and it is very comforting to hear... I appreciate that!



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Old 21-10-2020, 09:59 PM   #4
Zurg
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I don't know if you're familiar with dissociation??? I am not an expert, far from, but it's something i struggle with quite a lot. I have an alter who reacts by self harming when thoughts or feelings become too intense. Like you, i do not intens to self harm at every thought or feeling but sometimes she takes over and it's like riding a vehicle which you have temporarily lost control with. You are aware of what is happening to some degree but you are powerless to stop it from happening. As Auror says, grounding techniques can help in this matter but you have to act quickly otherwise it might be too late to interfere.

Grounding can be things like taking a lot of deep breaths, splashing cold water in your face or tensing you muscles and relaxing them repeatedly. Grounding is pretty much just a stimulation of one or several senses. A Way to bring you back into your body and the present, if that makes sense?

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