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Old 29-03-2019, 08:24 AM   #1
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: USA
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Contains sexual abuse - Past abuse impacting current relations

Not sure how to express my reality right now, but here goes.

I'm now in my late 20s as a gay, essentially closeted guy. I can't exactly remember when it started, but I spent years being sexual abused by a cousin and sometimes one of his friends. I honestly can't remember when It started. It was at least a couple years and ended when I was either 13 or 14. My memory is shaky earlier (which is another fear).

I was forced to do many things over that time. Some of it I remember as being awful yet some of my memories were positive. They felt good. What I remember most is doing what I was told. That usually led to better outcomes.

Recently I've tried looking up with soneone but on the moment all I could do was cower and ask what to do. I had this overwhelming fear and need to to be do what he wanted. And I started to panic. The night ended soon after.

What can I do to change? I got so anxious in the end. Can I ever overcome this?

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Old 28-04-2019, 02:25 PM   #2
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Safety Cupboard
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Hello there, I'm sorry that you didn't get a response sooner, it's very quiet around here these days I'm afraid.

It is possible to overcome this and enjoy a healthy relationship, I know people who have done so.

Have you ever had any professional help with it? That could be a first step towards getting closure and moving forward from the trauma.

We may not see eye to eye, but we can respect each other's opinions and find the truth in them.
Perhaps in those honest conversations, instead of demonising each other,
we might see each other as imperfect humans, doing our best. ~ Jodi Picoult

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