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Old 10-09-2020, 02:34 AM   #41
Darkwings44
 
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it really feels like sh is the only real friend in real life i have at this point!!!!!!!!!!!



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 10-09-2020, 01:54 PM   #42
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Are there people around to go and speak to IRL when you feel this distressed?

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Old 10-09-2020, 04:46 PM   #43
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no...



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 10-09-2020, 04:55 PM   #44
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But you said there are staff and nurses around?

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Old 10-09-2020, 04:59 PM   #45
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yes but i cant talk to them because ill get in troble..



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 10-09-2020, 05:08 PM   #46
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Why would you get in trouble for reaching out when you're struggling?

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Old 10-09-2020, 05:14 PM   #47
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because im not allowed to have suicideal and or self harm thoughts and or actions! they will write it up (make a report) and then i could get my computer locked up to wear i cant have it for a week!!!!!!



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 10-09-2020, 05:49 PM   #48
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That seems a peculiar action to punish you for having those sorts of thoughts. Why do they not want to help? Or they could at least refer you to someone who can. Or maybe you could do that yourself?

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Old 10-09-2020, 06:33 PM   #49
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Would they give you something positive if you have fought your urges for a week or whatever length of time? That sounds better than waiting for punishment.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 10-09-2020, 07:42 PM   #50
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nonperson View Post
That seems a peculiar action to punish you for having those sorts of thoughts. Why do they not want to help? Or they could at least refer you to someone who can. Or maybe you could do that yourself?
the boss of the group home told me that if i sh then i will be in troble
i havent told them.... because i would get in troble
i do have a therpist but she is a terrible therpist and i dont like her... or trust her at all
i dont know....



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 10-09-2020, 07:43 PM   #51
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Quote:
Originally Posted by one_step_closer View Post
Would they give you something positive if you have fought your urges for a week or whatever length of time? That sounds better than waiting for punishment.
i dont think so...



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 10-09-2020, 08:14 PM   #52
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The following content has been hidden - Reason : =D
i feel like shit...... i litterly have WAAAAYYYYYY more reasons to die then to live i mean its like everyone i know secretly want me to die just so i dont bother them with my existance............



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 10-09-2020, 08:17 PM   #53
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my whole world is is my pain... my torment.... my suffering.....



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 10-09-2020, 08:49 PM   #54
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just sent my mom a email slightly not really putting in into plain sight words but i kind of sent her a email saying goodbye


Last edited by Darkwings44 : 10-09-2020 at 08:51 PM. Reason: added more to it


just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 10-09-2020, 10:30 PM   #55
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the nurse cutted and filed my nails!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 11-09-2020, 01:37 AM   #56
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Thinking of you x



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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Old 11-09-2020, 02:55 AM   #57
Darkwings44
 
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thank you......

i internet searched suicide and came across a site that has painless ways to die and another one has a article that i think actully fights the so commonly overly used thing to say "suicide is the easy way out" which i HATE with EVERY fiber of my being!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 11-09-2020, 05:41 PM   #58
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one of the ladys at my group home called me disgusting for coughing........ the staff just agreed with her....... maybe shes right... i dont know...... everything just feels like shit right now........


Last edited by Darkwings44 : 11-09-2020 at 05:42 PM. Reason: added more to it


just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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Old 11-09-2020, 05:44 PM   #59
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What a strange thing to say. We all cough and it doesn't make us disgusting. You're not disgusting. Maybe staff can explain why they said that? It might help to cough into a tissue and carry around some hand sanitiser, but you can't help coughing. x

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Old 11-09-2020, 06:06 PM   #60
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...thank you.....
tbh i dont think they will.....



just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….


Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough

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