I visited mum and dad over Christmas and sorted through some of my old stuff. I found this note book full of poems that I'd written when I was 9-12 years old. I couldn't bring myself to read them then, but I've been looking through them now. They make me cry, but not sure why. They're not sad really, and don't mention any bad stuff.. Quite the opposite actually, they're full of hope. Maybe it's my knowledge of her situation that she was in .. Struggling with eating, having to endure her dad's random nightly visits to give her "dinner" and having regular nightmares of the baddie uncle hurting her even worse when she was little.
I though that maybe translating some of the poems on the note book will give that little girl a voice, and wings to her dreams :)
This one I remember writing sitting high up on my climing tree when it started to get dark and I saw a shooting star.. My first one ever! I think it was supposed to be a song, but I can't remember the melody anymore.
Every night, the boy from Neverland*
Climbs in his ship that's made of clouds
He throws his lasso, and catches stars above
Starts running fast across the sky
"Fly, my kite, like shooting star
Fly with the wind, my shooting star"
Every night, the boy from Neverland
Climbs in his ship that's made of clouds
He runs faster now, and childern on the ground
Will see the star and hear him sing:
"Fly, my kite, like shooting star
Fly with the wind my shooting star"
People on Earth, it's time to listen hard
And wish upon a shooting star
It's time to be brave, and let your hopes be heard
The winds of change are blowing hard
Fly my kite, like shooting star
Fly with the wind, my shooting star
Fly my kite, like shooting star
Fly with the wind, my shooting star
<3: Muru
Muruluisku - my big sister's pet name for me, she also calls me her little shadow because I'm quiet and followed her everywhere when I was little. I may be quiet, but happy to listen, hold your hand and hold on, riding the storms with you.
Beautiful Muru. I hear the hope- I remember feeling the want for that hope at that age and wanting to be able to escape too. I feel happy for you that you found that little solace to dream in your poems. With love and respect
So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
That's a really beautiful poem, you can hear the hope coming through the words.
It sounds like these poems would have meant a great deal of comfort at the time <3
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
Thank you for listening LittleCould, Katie and Kat, and for your lovely comments :)
This one I wrote when I was ten, the abuse continued intermittent and unpredictable but I made a new friend, which made me happier. She was called Darling and she and her family were refugees from Africa and very unusual in our little village. Not many kids in our classroom wanted to talk to her or sit with her, but I really liked her. I guess I felt I knew what it's like to feel different to other kids. First she didn't speak our language but she taught me a song in her language, so I wrote this poem to the melody she taught me:
It was a sunny day in spring time
When the little hummingbird
Came back to spend the summer in our yard.
And she sang us many songs
About her travels, and the land
Somewhere faraway in the heart of Africa.
Hello, hey there, my little darling.
I hope you stay here, in your new home.
Though your wings must be so tired,
I hope you'll make it through today.
My sister's baby son was napping
Under our big old birch tree,
The hummingbird sang
"He's brand new for me to see"
And she sang him lullabies
From the bottom of her heart,
Faraway songs from the heart of Africa:
"Hello, hey there, my little darling.
Please stay here, in your new home.
Though your wings must be so tired,
just try and make it through today."
The hummingbird shelters her young ones,
Like all the other little birds,
Under the branches of our big old birch tree.
And there's a new girl in our neighbourhood
With black hair and deep dark eyes
Her old home was in the heart of Africa.
Hello, hey there, our little Darling,
We hope you stay here, in your new home.
Though your wings must be so tired,
We hope you'll make it through today....
I hope you'll make it through today....
Just try and make it through today....
<3: Muru
Last edited by Muruluisku : 20-04-2014 at 08:54 PM.
Muruluisku - my big sister's pet name for me, she also calls me her little shadow because I'm quiet and followed her everywhere when I was little. I may be quiet, but happy to listen, hold your hand and hold on, riding the storms with you.
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
I have found my words in therapy... A few words anyway, but I guess that's better than being completely mute.
My therapist asked this week about how I like to express myself and I said I write poems sometimes, and my music of course. I told her about the poem book by the 9-11 year old me that I found... She suggested I wrote something back to that little girl to let her know I'm on her side now and that I understand what's she went through.
So I wrote this one:
Treasure
"Uh-huh" That's all she ever says
One word sentences
"Hey" Another favourite
Her eyes tell so much more
Wordless
Staring
The handle of her bedroom door
Quiet
Caring
Holds the toddler on her lap
Steals a break, a moment's nap.
Bells ring, she wakes ups with a jolt
No school for her today
Spots a treasure, a penny on the floor
A shimmer in the sun
Holds it
Hides it
In the prescious little hand
Watching
Waiting
Wide awake, bracing her soul
So much older than one would know
And there is so much beauty
With each brand new day
She opens all the windows
Sheds the shadows of yesterday
Dries her tears...
Starts again...
Watchful
Careful
Hugs the toddler on her lap
Wistful
Hopeful
Wide awake, bracing her soul
Wiser than one would ever know
With wisdom she shouldn't ever know
Stronger than she could ever know
One penny richer, that's all she knows
<3: Muru
Muruluisku - my big sister's pet name for me, she also calls me her little shadow because I'm quiet and followed her everywhere when I was little. I may be quiet, but happy to listen, hold your hand and hold on, riding the storms with you.
I can say "thank you" in ten different languages
I can say in Chinese "happy new year"
But though I try, I try, I don't know
how to get away from way down here.
I can face hardship
without much feeling
I can stay silent
if that's what it takes
I can smile and wave
despite the summersault my heart makes
I feel my spirit drowning
In the currents of life
Please bring me ashore
I want to stay alive
Please rescue me, rescue me, rescue..
I could wander off the edge of this world
Or I could come back - there's so much to care
The night times are the worst and
my lungs feel like they're out of air
I don't want to disappear in to this endless flow
Please rescue me, if you can spare the time to do so
Please rescue me, rescue me, rescue...
I'm struggling to understand the point of all this
Please rescue me, it's my one and only wish
Please rescue me, rescue me, rescue
I feel my spirit drowning
In the currents of life
Please drag me ashore
I want to stay alive
Please rescue me, rescue me, rescue..
I'm struggling to understand the point of all this
Please rescue me, it's my one and only wish
Please rescue me, rescue me, rescue
<3: Muru
Muruluisku - my big sister's pet name for me, she also calls me her little shadow because I'm quiet and followed her everywhere when I was little. I may be quiet, but happy to listen, hold your hand and hold on, riding the storms with you.
I wrote this song to my friend and gave it to him on Sunday in a card with box of chocolates as a thank you for everything. I also recorded it on my phone singing over a melody that I had played with my accordion a few years back and sent it to his phone...it's a sad melody but he really liked it. He is so good to me, he spent so many nights staying over sleeping next to me to wake me up from nightmares in the weeks leading to my sectioning. I think I love him but I wouldn't dare to say that...not now anyway.
Its a fight against windmills
Fight against the ghosts
The wind stays on our side
Just a short while
Other lives are shorter than some
And that fear fights the way into my dreams
But then my friend I see you right there
You smooth away the knots from my hair
It's like you have a special charm
Because somehow
Only you, darling you
Build my trust in us
And that time's on our side
Only you, darling you, only you
Make me feel that I...
That I am enough for you
When the storms come closing in
and the winds blow all the hope away
Got to be made of steel or stone
To make it through
Climbing up the branches to safety
My grip has lost it's strength
But luckily I see you right there
You smooth away the knots from my hair
It's like you have a special charm
Because somehow
Only you, darling you
Build my trust in us
That the time's on our side
Only you, darling you, only you
Make me feel that I...
That I am enough for you
That I am enough for you
And then my friend, I see you right there
You smooth away the knots from my hair
It's like you have a special charm
Because somehow
Only you, darling you
Build my trust in us
And that time's on our side
Only you, darling you, only you
Make me feel that I...
That I am enough for you
Only you, darling you
Make me stand the fight
Against all the ghosts and windmills
Only you, darling you, only you
Give me strength to walk
Through the hail and the rain and all
Through the snow and the ice and all
Through the thunder and lightning and all.
<3: Muru
Last edited by Muruluisku : 01-07-2014 at 04:35 PM.
Muruluisku - my big sister's pet name for me, she also calls me her little shadow because I'm quiet and followed her everywhere when I was little. I may be quiet, but happy to listen, hold your hand and hold on, riding the storms with you.
