Hi All
As you know I have q/bpd (both types) that are at a warzome with being introverted and issues with social anxiety and issues surrounding making new friends and other issues with uni, jobs, love and identity to contend I’m left in a mess of everything, plus it’s the anniversary of Becky coming up and the issues with moving.
I’m stuck in a place, where I ain’t getting thr help from thr cmht as they are just offering meds, very basic therapies, that are not right for me on practical note and I hope you find a job soon.
I am limited on what meds I can take because of stairs risk, they’ve learned their lesson from giving me the V and losing my balance down the stairs. My back took the worst of it during a crisis, plus subsequent falls in the snow over the years have injuried it further.
I have dyspraxia and thr therapies thry offering are very short duration and with the issues from the Bpd and confidence to speak isn’t great at the moment it hasn’t helped.
I’m left with no support, no ways of managing the BPD and I am at the end of tether with it and so my parents who have given up... they are walking on eggs with no respite and with the impulsive behaviour not being something they see and my weight being normal, they are not always seeing how bad things really get as I have hid it from everyone. They often see the girl sitting on the couch occasionally getting upset and anxious and not when I have had full anxiety attack and I have legged it. I also find it hard to open up to my parents at times as they say “once you have a job, a few friends, lots of hobbies, you will feel lots better like it’s simple and completely leaving all the other bits behind. “That happens to jobseekers, lazy people,”
But my argument is that people are struggling to cope regardless of what circumstances they’ve got to deal with and living with any mental illness/personality disorder or health condition is not defined by status and Bpd was already developing way before the shitbag situation and it took a very long time for them to realise it.
But I am hoping that they can help my parents understand the Bpd a bit more and understand that it’s a lot more than feeling fed up and down or just thinking negative about a situation and sitting on bum.
In other words I am all over the place...
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
When you say that the therapy options wouldn't be suitable for you what do you mean? Sometimes you have to do the basic options first, one because some of the skills would be useful later on and secondly because it can help identify what might or might not help.
Do you think you could talk to your parents about how things are when they get particularly bad? I think we are all wary about showing our worst but they may well be able to help and it might help them understand what you are going through. Do you think you could find your family some information relevant to what you struggle with so that they get a better idea of what you are contending with.
Alternatively, if you are sure you are never going to change their mind, do you think you could come up with a little mantra for when they do say this things to counter their opinions.
The thing is that there's information on what the Bpd is what contending with but there's no way i can give them an nhs dcument of what bpd is about as it is very generalised and there's no "this how it feels like" this load of symptoms and can be a like "i feel like that way at times" "this is happening because of x y z" it's too generic. I need my doctor to explain where its come from and how it feels if it was them and explain to them that its developed over a long period and ain't a concious choice... i don't wake up and think like, feel and act like by choice or if it's lifestyle. so I don't feel blamed.
The therapy i am offered is very short in duruation in terms of meeting with someone and discussing and its very centered on the current stuff which i want to be sorted out later and it takes ages for referrals for nhs and because dsypraxia i need longer than six weeks and it's a lot deeper than the therapy that they keep offering. 6 weeks does not give me enough to get to know the trust the person.
I can talk deeply about how i am feeling say over the phone to someone I ain't going to meet and open up to Samaritians and react and express but when it comes showing my feelings to complete stranger for six weeks, for them to see it in 30 minutes is not possible if the help was deeper, , over a few days a week it would work better, like an observation.
This is me in everyday life.
Last edited by yoyogirl : 07-02-2019 at 08:12 PM.
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
Would getting one of those leaflets and annotating it with how each point affects you? Or alternatively find a videos online from others talking about how they live with BPD?
I understand how it can feel like 6 weeks won't scratch the surface, especially when you know that it is mostly tackling some immediate problems rather than the deeper problems. I had similar feelings when a few years ago I was offered 6 sessions of CBT but it really changed things around. If things are pretty horrid right now even if the therapy on offer isn't going to be some magic fix maybe it just make things a little less horrid and if it doesn't you are no worse off. Also it is difficult to dive into the deeper longer term stuff when there are more current and relevant concerns.
Would it help if you could meet the potential therapist and have a chat about what it would entail and to find out whether they could be someone you could work with? Sometimes we have to show willing to get what will help in the longer term.
You are right in that being mentally ill itself isn't a conscious choice. But there are a lot of choices you can make, including how you act and behave, both to yourself and around others.
If you want things to be different, you often have to engage in short term services, and challenge yourself to a degree. Sitting back and saying well what you are being offered isn't perfect means you won't get offered anything, period. Showing some willingness is really important to show that you can engage and do want support.
That said, if you don't want anything to be different, then it's also okay to acknowledge. You seem so often to say that you like being how you are. But then post things about wanting help/support. It's really unclear what you want, and while I can understand maybe you are also unsure, you might want to sit back and reflect on that, and reflect on what larger goals and wants you have. Then you can break those down. So if you want long term therapy and help for example, one of the goals involved in breaking that down would be actively participating in engaging in short term services, so that you can get referred for longer term support and that they can see you can engage.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I feel as if the sort term problems jobseeking being one of them can worked on lateenamdncan be solved when I’m in a better place mentally when I’m able to leave my house and when I’m less likely to sprint from anxiety situation and end up in place I don’t want to be dissociation. In otherworldly, when I am anxiety provoking situation i sprint from it as soon as I can without giving it any thought or without worrying about the cars, traffic and personal safety. I’m also a stage where when I’m harming myself more and more with food and I have no control when it happens as dissociate and next thing I can remember is that I brought a of food and done it without any thought, feeling or concern. In other words, impulsively. I don’t plan for it happen I just don’t remember it’s happened until I see a huge receipt for supermarket
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
... do you even read replies or want advice? I'm not intending to be rude, but what are you looking for with your posts and threads? It's really unclear in your responses due to both the amount of typos and grammatical errors, and the lack of coherence to one topic.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
My heads all over the place I’m sorry .. I can’t get that right and the reason I have loads of typos of typos is because my keyboard isn’t working very well and I can’t found my MacBook Air charger. That’s gone for walkabouts
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
I’m at the stage where I can’t get feeling emptiness and emotionless feeling I feel all the time, regardless of the situation. If I am honest i periods of when I have instability and then have opposites of periods of numbness. I have tried everything from getting a job, to going to uni, to having friends to giving myself hobbies and things to look forward to everyday.... but nothing seems to shake this emptiness feeling away even when I have these so called things.
Thr feeling of numb,Eds, emptiness and dissociation makes me feel so cut off from myself at point that I food has becoming my way of coping but not in I feel empty so I’m gonna eat... it’s the opposite
I literally cannot cope with numbness/instability anymore, I feel that the current the situation... can wait a while and I actually my mh is more importance...
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
