hate

[_Faint_]

I feel like slicing my arms open ...just keep cutting til there is no more blood left in me
I feel like am going mad at the moment
Nothing has really happened to me today but am feeling like am going crazy
wanting cut and cut
I have depression and i also hear voices but there under control
I don't know what is wrong with me

I hate my body and i hate who i am
My husband says i shouldn't be so down on myself but i feel like am worthless all the time.
x

[lilmissjay]

I don't think there is anything wrong with you, you are just having a rough time at the moment. Has something happened to cause you to hate yourself and to put yourself down so much? Are you getting any sort of professional support?

[_Faint_]

The following content has been hidden - Reason : abuse trigger

I hate myself so much because i was abused as a child ... i was also raped a few years back

i have had therapy for it but spent most of the sessions staring at the floor and crying so i decided not to go back to therapy.
I see a psych and my GP .

x

[lilmissjay]

Does your Psych and GP know about the abuse and rape?

I understand completely about how hard it is to open up to someone about your past, but there is nothing wrong with crying during the sessions or for not being able to say much right away. No one can force you to try therapy again since it is your own decision at the end of the day. Maybe you could at least think about going back? If you are worried about saying things out loud, you could start off by writing what you'd like to say on a piece of paper and giving it to your therapist. Honestly, though, therapy is hard and I wont lie to you about that. The one thing to try and remember is that you are reliving your past through therapy so it's normal to still feel bad during or even after a session, but it does get a bit easier over time if you keep at it.

[_Faint_]

Yes they know ...I was with my therapist for a few months but it didnt help even done art therapy but when it came to talking about it i would just not say a thing i could try it again.
I ask my Psych about threapy again but he said that its wasnt a good idea and that some people find it too hard to do it he was going to send me out info about a group but he never sent me it.
x

[lilmissjay]

Would you like to try doing group? You can always bring it up to him again the next to you have an appointment.

[_Faint_]

Yes i can ask him about the group ...Still feeling the same.
Want to really hurt myself.
X

[talaiporia]

Do you have anything that usually helps, like art, or walking or writing, or other distractions?

Else, could you talk to your partner about this and see if he is able to help you deal with your urges?

[_Faint_]

I find writing on the forums helpful just letting what am feeling out i had to make this account because i Don't want a family member who is a member here finding out about things about me so i have to be careful what i say here ...
x

[GlitterTrashDoll]

It's good that you feel better when you write and post things - it often helps a lot of people get their emotions out.

If you afraid about someone finding what you have written on the forum, you could always write it in your members journal, which can be found in control panel, I believe. You can set that to private so only you can read it and so you can use that to write things down without having to worry about people finding it.

[_Faint_]

Thanks ...ill write in the journals .
My dr said i need an outlet for what am feeling and to try that before i go to self injure...
I need to recognize when am at that point before i go and get a blade to stop myself from getting it and write instead ...
x

[talaiporia]

I hope you find the journals helpful. Otherwise you can create password protected blogs on sites like Wordpress.