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Old 23-11-2019, 12:19 AM   #1461
MissGranger
 
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Thanks yes I am struggling. There's no one to talk to. Tomorrow has to be the day.

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Old 23-11-2019, 12:40 AM   #1462
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You are in hospital with plenty of people around. How about trying to talk to one of the nurses?

I dont think that you should try and harm yourself whilst on leave. If it doesn't work then you will find yourself with even more restrictions than what you are on now. I understand that hospital is frustrating but you wont be there forever. If you harm yourself whilst out it could lead to a longer stay than if you didn't.



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Old 23-11-2019, 12:33 PM   #1463
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Even if you don't feel like you get on well with the staff that are on you should still mention this to someone as it's serious and they need to know. I don't see any way that running away and possibly attempting suicide or whatever could have a good outcome. The best outcome would be had by being honest with the staff and working through this difficult time.





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Old 24-11-2019, 07:08 PM   #1464
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I ran off yesterday and had an incident and was found. I feel so crap. I know it's all my fault but I can't help it. I can't help feeling suicidal I just can't shake the feeling. Supposed to be seeing the psychologist tomorrow and I don't know what I'm gonna say. And everyone on the ward knows what I've done because it's obvious and I'm so embarrassed and worried people will judge me

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Old 24-11-2019, 07:50 PM   #1465
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Well I'm glad that you were found. I don't think people will judge you- the other patients have their own issues to be dealing with and will also most likely have done similar/different not-so-great things in their time and the staff are trained professionals who will have seen things like this before.

I hope it goes well with the psychologist tomorrow. Maybe you could write some bullet points of things you might like to say in the appointment?



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Old 24-11-2019, 10:08 PM   #1466
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Also glad you were found and are safe now. Sending hugs.







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Old 25-11-2019, 11:30 AM   #1467
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It's really horrible feeling suicidal, and so hard to fight but please do try your best to fight it. I'm glad you are safe and I hope you can be honest with the psychologist today so you can start to work through things rather than feeling like you're battling everything. Suicide is not the answer, you can do this.





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Old 25-11-2019, 03:36 PM   #1468
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Thanks so much for all your supportive messages. I saw my psychologist and at first didn't want to talk to her but she managed to get me to open up to her and tell her exactly what happened. No one else knows the full story so it was a big thing for me to have to go through it all. I was crying a lot. She was lovely as always but I felt so embarrassed. Not seeing her again til next Monday and she wants me to try EMDR therapy with her which I'm quite anxious about. I've also found out I've got no leave.


Last edited by MissGranger : 25-11-2019 at 03:47 PM. Reason: Typo
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Old 25-11-2019, 07:06 PM   #1469
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I'm glad you were honest with the psychologist, everything must have been building up inside so much. Trying EMDR sounds like a positive thing and I hope it's useful for you. What are you anxious about? I hope you have a good week and can build up some leave again when you're ready.





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Old 25-11-2019, 07:36 PM   #1470
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That sounds like you made some really good progress with the psychologist so well done for being brave and giving her a chance. There's no need to be embarrassed. It's completely OK to cry- at any time really, but especially when talking about difficult things with a psychologist.

Have you tried EMDR before?



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Old 26-11-2019, 12:50 AM   #1471
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Thanks. It was building up. I really needed to talk to her. I was hoping in light of the seriousness of my incident she would offer me more of her time but she hasn't done that. But she was understanding and supportive as usual. I just wish I had more time with her. But it was hard talking about everything that happened I was literally an emotional wreck and I hate crying in front of people. The EMDR she wants to use with me will be mainly targeting my anxiety. She gave a leaflet about it but still don't really understand how it works. I'm just scared of feeling out of control and of the unknown. I've never tried it before. I also have my ward review Wednesday which I'm so anxious about.

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Old 26-11-2019, 03:15 PM   #1472
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Have you asked her for more time rather than hope she somehow understands that's what you want?



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Old 26-11-2019, 03:30 PM   #1473
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Yes and so has my mum but she says she's got no more space in her diary

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Old 26-11-2019, 03:57 PM   #1474
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If she has no more time then unfortunately she won't be able to give you more time. How do you think you can make the most of the time you do have with her? Can you try talking to the other staff more too?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 26-11-2019, 04:00 PM   #1475
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There's hardly anyone here that I actually trust. I trust the psychologist so much and I would have thought she would have found more time for me considering the seriousnessness of the incident I had but oh well. There's an assistant psychologist starting too who seems really nice so I'm hoping I will get some time with her too.

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Old 26-11-2019, 04:02 PM   #1476
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If she really does have no time then she can't create time, there are only so many hours she will have to work. Definitely ask about seeing the assistant psychologist, they will hopefully have a bit more time. I'm sorry you don't trust a lot of the staff, what is it that makes you feel like that?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 26-11-2019, 04:22 PM   #1477
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Playing devils advocate here but Why should they give more time to someone who plays up and doesn't disclose how they are feeling to try and prevent an incident happening in the first place?

And not only that they have working hours and cant just magic more up out of nowhere.

If you think you need more input then why not ask for it from nursing staff to try and build therapeutic relationships with them to try and prevent further incidents and build more robust coping mechanisms for times when you are struggling.



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Old 26-11-2019, 04:43 PM   #1478
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To go along with what Lillie said, offering extra time to you after an incident like what happened is often seen as rewarding the incident/behavior. It's actually pretty common for mental health professionals like therapists to have no contact rules after incidents like self harm or suicide attempts, because often it's easy for folks to realise that if they do self harm, then they get more attention. It's much better to ask for attention and support before things happen to try to prevent them.



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Old 26-11-2019, 05:05 PM   #1479
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It's not about wanting more "attention" it's about having more time to work through things especially when most of the staff have a non caring attitude as it is.

Thanks I will ask about the assistant psychologist.

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Old 26-11-2019, 05:12 PM   #1480
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But you didnt work with them and tell them you felt distressed before your leave?



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