I'm not eating
I haven't been eating much
I'm disgusting Fat Ugly
I love the way it feels...the hunger burning in my heart.
It out shouts the voices in my head and the constant head ache from all the screaming
I know its wrong & I know this path only leads to me lying, sobbing uncontrolably on my bathroom floor covered in my own blood, piss & vomit - but I can't stop...I don't know what to do? In my head I've told my T a hundred times, in my head - but I can't talk to anyone at the moment - it's like my mouth is broken & I can't ask any of them for help...I don't want to ask anyone for help - I don't want the hunger to die...but I'm killing myself... so I needed to tell someone...I'm sorry..
Last edited by Aardbei : 14-01-2016 at 04:48 PM.
Reason: removed time spent not eating
The therapist is the way with this. Fear, guilt, shame, hate are all par for the course and the therapist is equipped to deal with it. It's amazing what we fear when we tell our therapists things and more often than not its more amazing when they just accept it and don't judge.
You won't be judged. You won't be vilified. You won't be disliked. You won't become unloveable.
You'll be treated with care and compassion. You'll take one more step towards beng understood.
Hugs xx
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
My son called me fat & squishy the other day - it did an awful thing to one of the Shades - he is full of vile & hatred - but I can't talk to him - he's named after...the darkness...😞
I'm not talking to my T at the moment I email him religiously twice a week, so he knows I'm not dead - but that's all...
Perhaps the food thing is the only bit of control in your life right now and that's why holding onto it is so strong?
Kids say awful things all the time but most of the time they have no idea of content or meaning or consequence.
Maybe you could tell the therapist via email but just save it as a draft? Then when feeling a brave moment send it and see what comes back.
As I said before I'm pretty certain all that will come back is support and a desire to help.
These things can quickly go from temporary punishment to long term habits. Tell someone please before this becomes too serious.
X
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
Well that's definitely a step in the right direction xxx
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
Told my therapist....
His response was....
'Is your diet balanced?'.....
Well, I told someone & it doesn't appear to be a problem...so maybe my fear that it's something is me just being a Princess...probably...drama queen
Attention seeker...any of the above.
Did you tell him face to face it via email? Also in what manner did you tell him. I know from my own experience that I can be bloody terrible at putting across how I really feel and have a knack for making things to be far less serious than they are
Could this be a miscommunication or a loss in translation?
I email my therapist from time to time and I've never got across what I can when I speak to wr face to face.
But well done for trying. Please don't be put off. It's definitely a problem if it's affecting your life.
Hugs x
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
If you want some help putting something together then I'm pleased to help x
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
Thanks Matthew...I'm not sure I could have been clearer - the post starts with 'I'm not eating..'
I meant my therapist doesn't seem to believe it to be 'an issue'... Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill...it's usually the case xx