He the one in the wrong if he's blowing up over hot sauce. You don't deserve this, I don't know the situation, but if he's got a temper like that and he makes you want to hurt yourself or feel like you don't deserve to eat, he doesn't sound like the ideal person to be with.
I hope it's not what I think.
Are there other ways to cope with urges you haven't tried? There are loads of different ways to cope with them, depending on why you cut in the first place and what you're feeling. Lists are online if you have a quick google.
I've spent a long time living with people who make me feel worthless. I'm still there now, but one thing that helped me a lot was realising I'm better than they are. I don't swan around thinking I'm fantastic, nowhere close, but I do know now that I have something on them. Because I could never, ever do what they did. What they continue to do. Even now, given the choice to turn the tables, I never would. And that doesn't make me weak. I wouldn't do it because I could never bring myself to hurt another person like that.
I don't know you, but I'm almost sure that you're far kinder and stronger and better than the people that hurt you could ever hope to be.
Sending love and courage your way.
xx
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