ECT was difficult, I lost a lot of memory and was very disoriented and easily upset throughout the day, then hurt so much the day after! Another delay yesterday but next session is on Thursday then going to be twice weekly for six weeks. I’ve been in hospital 101 days now. I want to go home :( but I’m still on 1:1, although my eating is better and I’m drinking plenty, as they had to stop my lithium because I wasn’t drinking, ans I can’t recover without my lithium, it’s always worked for me in the past.
Sorry I don’t reply to others, I don’t really know what to say and I’m not really in the right place to be giving out advice! I’ve been in seclusion three times now, it’s awful and I want to avoid it.
I’m still struggling to eat, it feels like the last thing I can control in this place when you’re on constant 1:1. I refused to let them weigh me on Sunday, then I weighed myself and the sneaky b**** saw it and wrote the number down and it upset me so much. The dietitian said I am underweight and I can’t fit in the clothes I was admitted in, but I feel like such an embarrassment. Urgh.
Just saw my children, it half gives me hope as I love them so much, and half destroys me inside feeling like I can never parent them again. They’re such gorgeous lovely kids. Had a good cry and some PRN and now snuggled up in bed, my 1:1 tucked me in and covered me with my dressing gown to keep me warm as I always get cold after crying, bless her.
It sounds like you have a lot going on and so much to think about. It must be hard to love your children hugely but feel like you aren't able to be fully there for them. I hope your love will allow you to recover and focus on ways to get back to being the parent you want to be. I'm glad your 1:1 was kind, take good care of yourself.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Thank you. It’s my third ECT session in an hour, I’m really nervous. I seem to get more nervous each time. My named nurse threatened me with a treatment order forcing me to have it if I refuse. I have ward round today at 4pm also so will see what they say, hopefully they’ll take me off 1:1 although I can’t guarantee I will stay safe, and I can’t exactly tell them that.
Do you know what makes you nervous about having ECT? Do you find it is as bad as your worries make it out to be? It's a shame that your named nurse was threatening you rather than trying to ease your worries and work with you. I hope ward round goes well, please be honest with them.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
ECT was cancelled as I was too nervous, but I spoke to a doctor and it’s atill going ahead on Monday.
I ordered a pair of jeans in a size down from my normal size and they’re baggy, I’ve never been size X before on bottom. I’ve really lost a lot of weight, I’m classed as underweight now. I’m not happy about it, I’d rather be not depressed and not in hospital.
