Coping skills that work?

[Falmer2016]

Hi
New poster bit of a rant but also a question in there.
I have severe depression, anxiety, PTSD . I have had depression and self-harm for a long time, I have a mental health tam looking after me and a care co-ordinator trying to teach me some skills for when I self –harm. For me self-harm is a lifesaving coping mechanism that I use when overwhelmed or suicidal.
I have been given the Gottman’s task and the STOP skills to use, they involve mainly using distractions like drinking hot sauce, having a hot bath and mindfulness.
The thing is I have genuinely tried these skills and I find they do not work for me, has anyone else had this problem? My CC keeps telling me to use them despite me telling her they do nothing for me and I feel like she is saying that I am the problem rather than the tools not working for everyone.
I imagine not every skill will work for every type of depression or for every person with depression. Are there other skills/techniques for coping with the lead up to self-harm that work?
I feel frustrated, I wish my CC would listen to what I am saying and I was hoping she would then try and find new or creative ways to help me with my regulations of mood.

[KariNicole]

It sounds like your base reason for going to SH are similar to my own - feeling more than you can handle at the time. Honestly what did wonders for me in reducing the occurences of SH was to set strict limits on it. Granted, this was to keep myself from getting caught in the act, but it forced me to teach myself useful alternatives that worked. I never found any sort of technique to work, honestly. If its anxiety, the breathing exercise thing works I will say that much. I prefer to drown myself in whatever I like best at the time, if at all possible, cause I genuinely enjoy such things - a favorite song, tv show, video game, etc. Such things are, for me, all consuming and I genuinely enjoy them, which therein takes my mind off of whatever was bothering me to begin with.

I find that I improve on dealing with SH better when I'm trying to help myself as a whole rather than just focusing on dealing with SH better. Improving my overall health/happiness/stress-relief naturally helps the SH problem, whereas for me focusing on not cutting or on specific techniques for it just puts the wrong focus on SH directly which only backfires, for me.

[Isoverity]

Well there are "leading" and "trailing" skills. Most people focus on trailing skills or ways to manage impulses already exerting themselves. Leading skills deal with minimising the reactions that cause the impulses to form in the first place.

Trying to manage impulses on the rise can be a bit like driving with breaks on. Its also struggling with symptoms. Identifying and minimizing the emotional reactions that give rise to impulses causes the root problems to wither and "coping" becomes unnecessary. If nothing builds up inside there is no need to release anything.

[Falmer2016]

Hi
to reply to both of you
What you have both said really makes sense also my own reading confirms this that with baby steps it would be a good idea to use skills that set limits and boundaries around the self harm.

I will talk about what you both said with my care worker as she is stuck on the idea of me quitting cold turkey.


Thank you bot so much for the suggestions and ideas.

[KariNicole]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Falmer2016

Hi
to reply to both of you
What you have both said really makes sense also my own reading confirms this that with baby steps it would be a good idea to use skills that set limits and boundaries around the self harm.

I will talk about what you both said with my care worker as she is stuck on the idea of me quitting cold turkey.


Thank you bot so much for the suggestions and ideas.

Oh good lord. Anyone with any experience with SH (themselves or a friend) knows you can't just quit cold turkey!! Its an addictive behavior. You have to teach your mind, your brain, your very wiring, that there are other things you can go to instead of self harm whenever you want/need it.

Its a process and it takes a lot of self reflection, trial and error you could say, to figure out (1) why you're SHing, and (2) other methods of coping with those feelings that work for you. My mom, for example, copes with negative feelings by exercising every day. I hate physical activity so naturally that's not going to be something I gravitate to no matter how much it works for her.

[Pi.R^2]

^I would actually disagree with that, as in some circumstances suddenly stopping can work. I am a very black-and-white thinker and when I decided enough was enough I went from quite a high frequency of self harm to not at all and that was the time I actually succeeded in quitting as opposed to other times when I'd tried to gradually reduce it. I'm not saying that works for everyone and it was incredibly hard but just wanted to say that sometimes that does work.

Sorry for that slight tangent! Falmer, I think it's unfair that your CC makes you feel like you are the problem, you are absolutely right that not every skill will work for everyone. I think I would be quite similar as the times when I'm most at risk of giving into urges of self harm is when I'm feeling very overwhelmed and panicked, and soothing/calming things would just get me more worked up. Have you tried the TIPP skill? If not, you can read more about it here; might be worth a try. I find the 'tip the temperature' bit most helpful, but haven't really tried the others.

Have you ever found anything even a little helpful for managing urges? Perhaps your CC would be more receptive to helping you find different strategies if you could go to her and explain which things you found unhelpful and why but that there was something that seemed more helpful and you wondered if she knew of any other thing like that. Not that you should have to go to such lengths to prove that you're trying, but maybe doing so would help her realise that you genuinely have properly tried the things she's suggested.