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Old 07-11-2019, 12:57 PM   #1181
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Asdefgj scared. :/



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Old 07-11-2019, 05:24 PM   #1182
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How did you get on? <3





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 07-11-2019, 07:34 PM   #1183
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I'm so fed up of being me. So so sick of being alive tonight.



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Old 07-11-2019, 07:35 PM   #1184
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Med change. Meeting week after next with care coordinator. Meeting week after that with care co and therapist to do CAT for 5 weeks. Meeting month from now with psychiatrist to review new med.



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Old 07-11-2019, 07:37 PM   #1185
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Am feeling absolutely hideous.



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Old 07-11-2019, 07:41 PM   #1186
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Everyone irl keeps telling me to just not sh and think of bertie and just get better. I dknt fucking choose to be ill. I don't want to live anymore like this. Now crying.



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Old 07-11-2019, 08:24 PM   #1187
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Are you okay with the support they are offering and the med change? Or do you think you still need something more?

I'm sorry people aren't being understanding. I hope Bertie can at least offer you some snuggles and support.



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This is happening, this is part of you.


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Old 07-11-2019, 08:28 PM   #1188
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There's no support with money and practical things. I asked for practical and emotional support.

I hope med change works.

I don't want to live anymore.



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Old 07-11-2019, 08:30 PM   #1189
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Are there other organizations you could go to for help with money and practical things? Maybe those are things that they don't offer? I don't really know all the specifics of services there so honest question.

If things in your life COULD change, would you want to live? What would need to be different?



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Old 07-11-2019, 08:37 PM   #1190
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I don't know.

Don't know. Don't think things can change.



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Old 08-11-2019, 02:39 PM   #1191
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It's so easy to get stuck inside feeling hopeless, I'm sorry you don't feel like things could change. Things do change all the time though, in big and small ways sometimes you don't even notice. Yes a lot of those things might be negative changes but if there is the possibility of negative changes then there should also be the possibility of positive changes. I know it's hard to see and to believe.

I'm glad you have been offered some support, maybe you could discuss what else you think you need when you see the CC. I hope the med change is useful.





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Old 08-11-2019, 04:41 PM   #1192
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I destroy everything I touch. I am worthless. I want to die.



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Old 08-11-2019, 07:01 PM   #1193
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I'm sorry you feel that way about yourself, I don't think that's reality though. What's making you feel like that?





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Old 08-11-2019, 09:16 PM   #1194
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Because people have said it.



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Old 08-11-2019, 09:41 PM   #1195
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I don't think that's accurate. I mean Bertie loves you and is a great kitty and you care for him really well.



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Old 09-11-2019, 11:44 AM   #1196
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Just because people say things like that it doesn't mean that it's true. I'm sorry people are being so cruel.





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Old 11-11-2019, 07:52 PM   #1197
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Really want to harm so that I end up back in a hospital. Where I speak out loud to people every day and people care about me and are nice to me.



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Old 12-11-2019, 12:04 PM   #1198
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I can relate to the loneliness of having no one around, I'm sorry you're feeling so isolated and desperate. Hospital is not always a caring place though and of course it's not good to harm yourself. Is it next week you're meeting your CC? Maybe you could talk about what activities etc there might be for you to get involved in and there might be some support to help you to get to those things. Are you keeping in touch with any of your friends? Can you show yourself some care and compassion? I know that's not the same as having other people around though.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 12-11-2019, 01:30 PM   #1199
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I can go up to 3 days where the only words I speak out loud are my cats name and variants of it. I'm a social person in a weird way. I like to be in company even if I'm not directly involved in it. I'm so lonely it physically hurts.

How do I give my life meaning now I'm not contributing to anything? I always helped, whether that was making a kid happy with a milkshake or literally changing someone's life by giving them a denture. I want so badly to be useful again.

I feel so guilty at my current situation. If I get a proper full time job by say January it'll be probably best part of a year before I've paid everyone back. And thats if I scrimp and save because I'll have to live somewhere and pay bills at the same time.

Everything feels impossible. I'm so angry at myself that j let this happen.



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Old 12-11-2019, 01:51 PM   #1200
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It's not your fault, you have always fought so hard. Does it help to sit in a cafe or a library and people watch? I know it's not the same as being in direct company but it might be better than sitting at home on your own. Maybe you could do some volunteering somewhere too. You probably have a lot of skills that people would find useful. This situation isn't forever, keep trying and I hope you get to a place where you feel more content very soon.





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