I cut.

pea soup · 10-03-2013, 01:30 PM

I haven't cut in over a year. I don't remember doing it. I got drunk and even posted that I was drunk on FB. It's deleted now.

I finally cried but it didn't seem to do much good.

I guess everything is piling up all at once and I've lost it.

Depression is such an awful enemy.

Louise · 10-03-2013, 06:31 PM

First of all well done for going over a year without harming. As you said maybe things have got to much and you need to step back a bit if you can and it is good that you have seen that your doing to much and things are piling up on top of you. I know you might not think it now but you could call what happened a slip up's and that happens so try not to beat yourself up about it though it easier said than done.

Please be gentle with yourself and if you want to talk to us about any thing at all please do not hesitate to do so.

Take care
Louise

pea soup · 12-03-2013, 11:55 AM

Thank you :)

I guess I'm doing better. I see my peer counselor on Wednesday. She is a great outlet and stays for 2 hours if I need her to.

My goal she set for me is how to cope with my son having no contact with me because I'm gay. He was raised in church and thinks it's simply wrong plus he thinks it's disgusting. He's only 15 and I hope he will grow out of it. But for now, I have to learn how to deal with it. He and I have always had a great relationship even though he lives far away. We have always kept in touch. I now have to contact my aunt to see how he is doing as she and my uncle are raising him.

It's a really hard process but I'm finally trying.

talaiporia · 13-03-2013, 02:08 AM

Good luck on Wednesday,
It must be really hard having your son feel this way about you. Please try to remember that this is just the way he was raised and is no reflection on you as a person. And yeah, he is only 15. I had never even met someone who was gay at 15 (aside from my then best friend, who hadn't come out yet) - and I live in the UK, which is fairly liberal.

I do think he will come around when he is an adult and apologise for how he's acting now.

Crysainta · 17-03-2013, 01:08 AM

I know we never really talk but I do hope you are doing alright. It sounds like you are doing the right thing in seeing your counselor and finding ways to cope with things you cannot control right now. Your son is so young right now and life experiences outside of a conservative group may lead him back into a relationship with you. It will take time. Take care of yourself in the meantime.

pea soup · 01-04-2013, 02:51 PM

Thank you both.

No, we have never really talked but maybe we should?

He didn't call for Easter, of course.....

sad.....

~Grace~ · 01-04-2013, 09:51 PM

It is sad and I really feel for you
I feel your pain.
This may seem harsh, but until Keith grows up and matures and sees the world for what it really is instead of this bubble of perfection that he currently lives in...you have to be patient. He will come around, one day he will see that you only had his best interests at heart.....you cannot keep on torturing yourself at every anniversary, event, celebration, birthday...it makes your life a misery at every single one...

There is nothing more you can do...just carry on as you are. But maybe plan something for those events that tug at your heart

There is no point in harming yourself or punishing yourself...it just brings you yet more misery and anguish. Live your life to the full...he will come back to you, but it has to be when hes ready xxxx