The following content has been hidden - Reason : Length. Potentionally Triggering.
I've been thinking about you a lot lately, and I don't really know why. The irony is I was also thinking about those two girls. I saw on the news how they put them into the back of a van and it made me sick. It made me sick to think that was you.
The other day I was thinking about how surreal this still feels to me. I remember, I was driving somewhere and I thought to myself how.. real it was. I looked through the yearbook and wondered, why. Why you? Why us? Why, in our little community?
There are lots of everyday things that remind me of you. Someone said your name accidently and a sort of awkwardness filled the room. We tried to pretend we weren't hurt, tried to pretend we were strong but I caught the look in her eyes. We're only just getting by.
I can almost picture it in my mind. Everything you went through, before and after. I shiver. I don't mean to torture myself but, I don't think I'll ever cope with this. I think this is one of those things I will never fully understand for as long as I live. I understand the urge to die, the helplessness but I will never understand what you did.
And it doesn't make any sense. How this happens. If I could do just one thing in my entire life, it would be to save someones life. To save even just one person, thus to save countless people feeling what we did that day. Nobody should have to hear about that. Though I guess I've saved my own life time to time.
You make it so real. They make it so real. The news and the media and the empty, unaffected words make it just "there." There, instead of locked in my head. But now it's a reality that I am very scared of. How many times I have to talk people out of suicide when they don't understand. How I stare at my phone scared that someone will call me with bad news. How I check on all the people I am worried about incase they have gone through with it, too. It's something I never really thought people were capable of.
Least of all, you.
And maybe we learn things from this. Maybe we get stronger, maybe we value our life a bit more. But for the rest of my life there will be this person inside me, this girl who died that day too. She's stuck. She's stuck playing with all the words in her head and trying to get her mind around this. You.
Rest In Peace.
Last edited by Snow White. : 31-05-2007 at 09:39 AM.
My dearest Mario, I miss you so much. I keep thinking that we just havent seen you for a long time.
I wish you could see Anna now, shes so beautiful. Its not fair that you died, its not fair that you left us, but, as hard as it is I can cope. What I cant cope with is the fact that you had to go three months before your first and only child to actually live was born. How could they take you away then, how could they. You lost Rebecca...you thought that was it, you had lost your chance, but then there was Anna. She was a little miracle...it was all going so well, our perfect holiday...and then they snatched you away.
I will never forgive them, him...whoever it is that decides to do these things. I miss you so so much, I miss you, I miss how tall you were, I miss you sneaking us treats without Claire knowing, I miss your laugh, I miss how happy you were, I miss the thought of how good things were going to be.
I hope you can see us from up there, I hope you can see how beautiful Anna is, I hope you can see how strong Claire has been. Annas fish Nemo-Poppy-Nemo died...she told me he had gone to heaven to be with Daddy. I hope thats true. I love you, I miss you.
Friday marked six years that you were gone. It doesnt feel like that to me at all. Im still that little girl sitting on your floor watching soaps with you. I want to be that little girl. Looking at pictures of you is so surreal, you made such an impact on my life. I love you and miss you.
I miss you. I hope you can see me from whenever you are, and I hope you're all happy and okay. You're amazing, and I'll never forget you. I wish that I could have said goodbye. I'll make you proud; promise. Rest in piece.
"When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.”
Oh, honey. You know I still miss you, miss you so much it hurts. I remember everything: Sunday afternoons playing pool, monthly dinners in posh restaurants, Raj's takeaways, "a gin and tonic for me and put a pint of Guinness on, please, Mary, he'll be down in a minute", your chair in the corner, that awful tape you played (I've still got it, of course, and I cry every time I play it), Holby City on Tuesday nights, hospital visits and Shipmeets and Evensong and the Aquarium and those awful stairs up to your bedsit and that bloody dog and the smell of you and your skin on mine and your lips on mine and the taste of you and the things we shared.
And saying "I love you", and hearing it back.
It's all so far away, now, and all so long ago. But I keep your memory alive, and I will always love you-no matter what happens, no matter how many other people I meet. I promise you now, honey, that I will always, always love you.
When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty. ~Woody Allen
Is a chocolate muffin loving glitter ball
I know that you would have done anything for me.
You were the only family member who hugged me.
Who could see through me.
You offered to take my place.
I was never thankfull enough
I used you as an excusse.
The reason to start carrying my tools again.
But that wasnt true. You where the reason i held off so long.
You would hate who i have become, i know that i do.
But I am trying.
I love you and i miss you more than ever.
I dont think I knew you but I know what effect it had on those close to you.
I can remember the tear's when we were given your name on return to uni.
I know how your friend's struggle with it and how they remember you with so much fondness.
I am thinking of you and I am thinking of your family and our friends
When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty. ~Woody Allen
Is a chocolate muffin loving glitter ball
It's been a long time now, so many things have changed, i often wonder how you would have changed, and what you would be like now. You were always so lovely, always laughing, always running around, and that is still how i remember you. Been over 10 years now, and i still think about you sometimes. I still remember so much even though it was so long ago, and we were so young. I know others still remember you, still miss you in some way. You'll always be that kid in my mind, the one who used to mess around in class, thats the way ill remember you.
You should make amends with you.
If only for better health.
But if you really want to live.
Why not try and Make Yourself?
Do you remember the night we walked along the Southbank together at dusk? At the foot of the National Theatre, by the lamplit Thames, with the buskers gently playing around us, you stopped walking, took both my hands in yours, looked me deep in the eyes and said: "This is it. This is what Life is about. This is what I want." I looked up at you and smiled. "Me too, darling." I kissed the back of your hand. "Me too."
That was it. That is what Life is about. That is what I want.
im so sorry. you were, well, my dad. you took me and mum in after my father started hitting me, and always took it upon yourself to fill the role of my father. grandad, i know we clashed at times, but that was only cause we were both so similar in so many ways. i feel so bad, i never delt with losing you like i should have cause i lost William only a month after you. i was just coming to grips with losing you when william died.
after that, all i wanted was for you to be there. to be my strong grandad, to offer me your strength. you were always so strong, but you werent there. the two strongest most influencial men in my life, lost in the space of a month
and im still reeling. its still too much to lose in such a short period of time. i still, even now, cant handle it. i cant keep my balance, and i keep falling.
god, i miss you grandad. i never got to thank you for being my dad when my own father wouldnt.
thank you so much.
I miss you.
I'm sorry, i'm sure there was something i should have done.
I should have looked after you, that's what big sisters are there for, i paniked and i ran.
I really am sorry.
I think about you a lot, how different things would be if you were here.
And i know i never said it but i love you, i always will.
The world is an interesting place when everyone you know has their own realities
It's been over 2 month and not a day goes by that i don't think of you. Sometimes we listen to the song but it doesn't make us sad anymore. We think of the times you made us life because we know you don't want us to be sad forever! We're sad your gone but we're happy we knew you.
