I hope you guys won't mind if I post here. I've been an ryl member for quite a while now, but haven't posted here, just lurked a little cause I didn't really think I had an ed. I haven't been professionally diagnosed, but several people have told me that I do. I think I believe them now. I recently started purging in a addition to the major restriction and other things that I was already doing. Then this evening, when my husband walked in from getting supper out and handed me a burger that I had mentioned wanting to try(meaning a bite) I burst into tears n had a meltdown. Not sure why I'm posting cause I don't usually talk about my issues. I guess I just needed to talk n the only two people I would normally talk to can't right now. Thanks for listenin!
Hey it's great that you felt able to post here and well done on admitting that you actually have a problem. Now is a crucial time for you to go about getting professional help for your eating. Are you getting any other professional help or not? I'd advise you go to your doctor as soon as possible in order to start getting this in hand.
I'm sure you know the dangers that you are causing to your body by your heavy restriction and purging is really very dangerous. Could you start off by trying to eat little bit more each day? You don't have to dive straight in with the RDA if that would feel like too much, but trying to increase your intake little by little is a good start. Obviously I'm going to say to try and stop purging as much as you can.
Do you know what has caused these eating problems? Is there anything else going on that could have triggered it? You don't have to answer these here if you don't want to, but it definitely is something you need to think about.
Take care and keep on posting for support.
Lyddie
xx
Lyddie, thank you so much for replying! You don’t know how much it means to me that you cared enough to take the time! No, I don’t have any professional help for this or my SI issues. I avoid the Dr. at all costs, but I have a thyroid condition that makes me have to go every so often so I can get my script. A friend did go to the Dr. with me about a year n a half or so ago to make sure I couldn’t get outta there without telling her about my SI but she’s never mentioned it again n neither have I. She always asks about my depression n anxiety n heart issues that I have been diagnosed with. I also learned recently about how this can affect your periods. Before I learned that, I had brought up with my doc how my normally extremely heavy periods had drastically decreased very suddenly. Of course they weigh you as you walk in the door, so she was aware that my weight had dropped significantly since my last visit. I’m really surprised, with my depression n anxiety issues that she didn’t suspect an ED. It’s weird to me that she seems to have forgotten about my SI n didn’t pick up on the ED because she’s always been very thorough.
I’ve been restricting as much as possible for a while. At times going for xx days without eating anything at all. I justify it by using protein drink to take vitamins so I’m getting nutrients. It was when people started telling me I have an ED n getting concerned that I decided to start trying to eat a little each day. That’s when the purging started.
I do know what has caused these eating problems, but don’t feel comfortable talking about them on here yet. In fact, I’m shocked at what I have talked about already due to my pathetic shyness n private nature. I usually only post to support others n don’t do that a lot for fear of saying the wrong thing. I keep thinking I should either delete this or at least put it in a pm instead of posting it for everyone to see. I dunno.
I understand that it can be scary to go to the doctors (especially about a topic like this - you should have seen me when I had to go to our uni health centre, I was a nervous wreck!), but I strongly advise you go to the doctors about this. Could you get your friend to go with you as well again? Or write it down and give it to the doctor if you feel you'd be unable to actually say it? Also, is it possible for you to ask to see a different GP if you feel that this particular doctor isn't taking notice of these problems?
Well done on trying to eat a little bit more each day, that's a good start. However, the purging is a worrying sign. It can cause a lot of damage (e.g. tear your oesophagus, lowers your electrolyte level and many other dangerous things), please try to stop purging. Are there any safe foods that you can eat without needing to purge them? Also, distractions could be a useful thing to organise for after you eat. You could meet up with a friend, call someone, have a shower, write, draw, anything to distract from the purging.
Well done on posting for support, it's a brave step and keep onposting as much as you need to. We're all here to help you through this.
xx
I dunno. I've always had issues with anyone knowing about my problems n I absolutely hate drawing attention to myself at all much less to my issues so the last thing on my list of things I wanna do is bring this to my doc's attention n all that I fear that would bring, much less start all over again with a new doc. As surprised as I was that my current doc didn't bring up the SI after that visit, I was equally relieved! As for that friend, If I asked her to, she probly would, but I try to leave the uncomfortable stuff out of our relationship now.
I forgot to mention in my rewrite of the last post that along with extreme restriction, I've been taking diet pills n abusing laxatives. The purging does scare me! If I feel full, I purge, n it takes very little to make me feel full, so basically, if I eat more than a couple bites of anything. What I eat has a bearing too. It helps if what I do eat is healthy, like fruit or veggies.
The distractions are a good idea! I have them for the SI. Makes sense to have them for this too.
I think another reason for my reluctance is that I'm very close to my weight goal n I wanna get there! A part of me wants to keep doing what I'm doing at least until I reach my goal.
Lyddie, Thank you so much for responding! I appreciate you so much! I don't want it to all be on you though and it seems my thread isn't really worth responding to. Maybe everyone just feels like you've got it covered, but I don't want you to feel obligated.
Thanks so much to the rest of you for all the hugs! I really do appreciate that you took the time to read and leave a hug!
Since I'm not sure anyone else with the exception of perhaps Lyddie will even see this, it feels a bit like a journal to myself so I'm just gonna go ahead and say that I've decided not to eat today. I blew it over the weekend! I didn't eat much and took laxatives in addition to my everyday diet pills, but according to the scale this morning, it must have been too much food and not enough laxatives and I'll have to have a couple bites of supper tomorrow night so I can't afford to eat today.
But if you reach your goal, you'll set another one right? You'll never be good enough for your ED.
If you tell the Dr you can get help for it and get better. Life with an ED is exhausting & definitely not worth it, especially with heart problems. It will end up killing you, I'm not meaning to be harsh but it's the reality of an ED.
Please do eat, your body needs some energy to run on...
You can afford to eat, everyone has to just to live.
I'm sorry I'm not much help
Though lots of people have looked at your thread & maybe just don't know what to say or can't support that well at the moment, don't take it personally.
Thank you Kate! Don't think that you aren't much help hun. It helps just that you cared enough to take the time to respond. It means a lot! I'll try not to take the lack of other responses personally. I'm sorry! I probly came off as really selfish! I'm really not! I'm just in a bad place right now n it took a lot for me to post for support as I usually only support others n keep my own problems to myself. So, when I finally stirred up the courage to post n then only one person (at that time) responded, it made me feel like I shouldn't have. Like I was just wasting other people's time. I really do appreciate that they left hugs though! I've seen your thread. Actually posted on it a few times. I wanted to encourage you last night, but I didn't want to intrude.
No you're not sound selfish I know what you mean
When I first was posting on this board I barely got any replies but as you stick around more & reply to other people's threads you'll get more replies.
People have been reading though, so that shows that they do care.
I know you posted in it, I'm sorry I didn't reply, I wasn't really in a state to support.
Hey sorry I haven't seen this yet, Solo. As Kate said, the more you stick around the more people get to know you and your situation and feel able to reply more. People do care, but sometimes it's just that we're not in the right headspace to make a half-decent response (:
Please don't fast, it does not help at all. I know that it feels like it will, but it honestly doesn't. It just screws up your metabolism even more. Laxatives and diet pills are a very dangerous route to be going down, I think that there's some information about their dangerous side effects and stuff on teh advice section of RYL. Also, your weight can fluctuate greatly day-to-day, but that doesn't mean that you've gained necessarily. It depends on time of the month, how hydrated you are, etc.. Please try to limit how much your weighing yourself, if possible throw away those scales or hide them away. You're worth so much more than a stupid number.
Also as Kate said, as soon as you reach your goal weight, your ED will set another one. It will never be satisfied and it will never think that you're light enough. It will just keep telling you to lose more and more until you die. I'm sorry if that sounds like I'm being harsh, but that's the horrid truth of it.
And I know it's hard to ask for help, but please see your doctor about this. It needs attention. Trust me, you need to get some help for this.
Thanks Kate! I know they care and I really do appreciate that they took the time to read and leave hugs. I'll hang in there and give folks a chance to get to know me. Sorry for pouting!
It's ok that you weren't up to supporting. I wasn't there just for support but to support you n Nat n Lyddie etc. too. I'd still like to. Feel free to pm if you like. Please be good to yourself! You deserve it!
Lyddie, as I told Kate, I'll quit pouting. I know people aren't always able to support. Sometimes I can't either.
I really don't feel like I can eat today but as a sacrifice for lent, a friend suggested that I try to only weigh once a week. I'm gonna try! I weighed this morning, so that means no more till next Monday.
It's ok to be harsh. I actually appreciate strait forwardness with a touch of sesitivity.
I dunno about the doc?
Is there anything small and safe that you could try and eat today? Soup or some dry toast? Something small and bland usually works best for me if I'm having a hard day. Remember that your body needs food to function.
And well done on trying to cut down how frequently you weigh yourself. I know it's tough, but it's a good thing to do. You are more than a number.
I compeltely understand how nervous you are about the doctor (I'm building up the courage to go to the GP myself), but you really need to. You need to get some help with this and they'll need to do health checks on you to see how your body is coping with the strain. It's hard, but it needs to be done.
Take care.
I really just don't feel like I can eat today. I'm sorry! I don't mean to be difficult!
It is big for me to only weigh once a week! I usually weigh at least once a day.
About the doc, I just don't know if I can. For one, we can't afford it. There's a lot more to it than that though.
Hey, I feel its also worth pointing out that most of us are in the UK and you posted this very early in the morning yesterday. Also I can't always get online at weekends otherwise I would have seen this, and replied earlier.
Its great that you are trying to cut down weighing yourself.
I was always told that weight fluctuates a lot anyway, so you should only really weigh yourself once a month, at the most.
Please try and eat something today... even if its only a salad or something. You need food. Perhaps just soup or a couple of your protein drinks if you don't feel you can face anything solid.
Wow! Ya read the whole thing huh? Pouting n all. I'm sorry about all that! I'm so embarrassed n ashamed now!
As for eating today, I just got to work which happens to be in a school n remembered that today is pie day. Methmatically, but they celebrate it with lots of donations of pie. Great! Everyone in the building is supposed to have a piece. Everyone is gonna be tryin to get me to eat pie. Ok, enough about p** already! As for my protein drink. I usually only have one a day if I even finish it. I do have one with me but have been avoidin it so far. I didn't bring any food.
Dogonit! I knew it would happen! I had managed to avoid the pie n they were about to pack it up when, sweet as it was of her, someone brought me a piece of pie. Uuuugh!
Hey lovely, do not beat yourself up about the pie and please don't try to compensate for it. It's one slice. Try and rationalise it in your mind: it is not a lot of food, other people were eating it as well, you've been restricting a lot and this will not make a difference. Stay strong. I know that it seems scary right now, but one piece of pie is not a bad thing. In fact, it's really good that you've eaten something.
I haven't actually eaten it. I just put it in a zip bag n put it in my cooler I bring for my protein drink to take home for one a my guys to eat or somethin. I have a terrible time waistin anything. A few people have asked since she brought it to me if I got my pie cause they know I'm stuck at my desk during that time. I just say, yep, Julia brought me some. I didn't say I ate it.
![[LittleMonster]'s Avatar](image.php?s=4d9e504bde0e2fe2cfbeee12296d04d0&u=13847&dateline=1376481098)
