Graphic - Want to remove certain parts of me huge trigger warning for self harm and possibly graphic

[Koala hugs]

I want to chop off my boobs I hate n despise them.

Ps I'm not trans but apparently I do have a very severe form of body dysmorphia

[tamobhuuta]

I'm sorry you hate your body so much. Are you receiving any help for the body dysmorphia?

I hope you were able to stay safe last night.

[one_step_closer]

That sounds really distressing. And not practical to do yourself. Do you feel like this often? Are there any safe things that help you work through these feelings?

[Koala hugs]

No not receiving any help with it tamo but my support worker is ringing today so might mention it to her .
Yeah it does happen fairly often to some degree one step. In the end last night I told a couple of friends how I was feeling n one of them came over n we drove around abit n topped my Lecky up n had a ciggy or two . We stuck to social distancing but it was good to see a friendly face. And that did help coz by the time he left I was thinking about all sorts of different things that had nothing to do with it which was good n I had calmed down a bit by then too. Can't really think of anything that helps that I can do alone tho.

[one_step_closer]

Please mention it to your support worker if you think that would be helpful. Do you chat with your friends a lot? Even if you can't get out with them maybe you could try talking to them about how you're feeling and then just have a general chat to take your mind off things. If getting out helps, could you make sure you're doing that once a day?

[Koala hugs]

One step I will mention it to my support work to my support worker . Chat with my friends most days well the ones I'm really close with I do.im not very good about goin out alone feels like everyone is staring at me coz of my size n that. It's something that me n my support worker are goin to work on after carona is over

[one_step_closer]

Do you have a garden or would you be able to just go for a really short walk close to home? Round the block if your houses are in a block? What do you get from going out with your friends? Maybe there are other ways to achieve some of that. I hope it goes well with your support worker.

[Koala hugs]

No garden but a parking bay with a wall I can sit on . I cud do a small circuit round the block that would take ten ish mins or I cud walk to the shop n back which as a round trip probably takes fifteen minutes or cud go to the top of the road n back which only takes five. Only seeing my friend who's s taxi driver he gave me a lift last night to get electric.just conversation with people helps talking about it and then distraction by talking bet everything else but . It went well with support worker she gave me a couple of tasks to do help so that's good

[Koala hugs]

Am sticking to social distancing and only goin out Wen I need to

[one_step_closer]

Did your support worker give you some general tasks? Maybe you could make a list of tasks of your own.

[Koala hugs]

One step closer yeah she gave me two tasks. I will try to do them over the next week

[Koala hugs]

Struggling with this again not bad enough to bother telling anyone in real life but bad enough to make me feel bar about myself/my body. I wish there was a pill i cud take that wud make my boobs dissapeer or nake me not care about having them n their size etc i also wish i cud walk around tshirt n braless n not have to look at the damned things wish i was flat chested. Have thought of a different way to make them smaller,flatter but its potentially dangerous and I'm trying very hard to be good

[one_step_closer]

How is your support going at the moment? Have you learned any ways to change your thinking slightly or take your mind off things for a while? What has been happening that has made you struggle more with this now?

[Koala hugs]

My support is ok . I couldn't get thru to my support worker or cpn on friday but got thru to someone else but that was over something else. Have no new techniques or distraction s . Have just plugged my headphones in hoping some music will help. Im loosing weight which is good but is also making me more aware of my size n my chest.i struggle with this alot anyway but usually i let it grumble away without saying anything. Tonight i pictured a mans chest i saw in a photo n it made me so angry n jelous i wish i could b bare skinned on top half. If i had a chest like a bloke i would be able to do that and it would b so freeing . Im sick of feeling so self conscious about my body.

[one_step_closer]

That sounds so distressing, I'm sorry you're in that place without ways to cope. Are there easier times?

[Koala hugs]

Yeah some times are easier than others its been bad for a while now tho xx