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Old 20-01-2011, 10:14 PM   #81
lozza
just trying to fly εϊз
 
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I have no words but love and care about you soooo much
*cuddles gently* xxx



sometimes being strong means not holding back the tears but letting them fall
~˙·٠•Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ •٠·˙~


my fur baby girls are my life <3
r.i.p my beautiful girl jackie. i will love you always no matter what - 6/5/10


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Old 20-01-2011, 10:28 PM   #82
NeverBetter
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hugs sorry to hear you are struggling hunni wish i had somedadvice but stuck for words at the momment if u ever wanna talk im just apm away xxxxxxxxxtc



young girl its alright your tears will soon dry your soon be free to fly

she's falling from grace , she's all over the place..............




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Old 20-01-2011, 11:53 PM   #83
Unfocused
 

only just got online so not had chance to message you.

how things going? they sound like they are moving fast on upping when you ae still fagile in your mind about it all. is it possible to ask for extra support around it like someone else to sit with you at meals and aftewads.

much love xx

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Old 21-01-2011, 12:27 AM   #84
Revival
 
Join Date: Apr 2004

thanks guys,

Aimee they're not going too well. I just want to get out of here but they won't let me leave. They've said that I have to up my meal plan because I've been here for over 2 weeks and apparently I have to move forwards :/

We do have a nurse or 2 sitting with us during meals, but it's really hard to ask for support and there's not really much that they can do.

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Old 21-01-2011, 01:32 PM   #85
crazykat
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*cuddles* Hold on there hun, I care about you loads. Have you looked at the list of distractions made by Aimee in fun and distractions?



"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."


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Old 21-01-2011, 02:25 PM   #86
Unfocused
 

if you argue with them it may not achieve much but may help them see the pain this causes. I know you have to move forwards and am glad that they are helping you do that but you need more help to mentally move forwards.

kick scream whatever you want so that they realise the pain your in inside. they probably can expect to know what you would say but they need to ehar you say how hard it is.

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Old 21-01-2011, 10:53 PM   #87
Revival
 
Join Date: Apr 2004

Thanks Kat and Aimee,

Kat I have looked at the distraction list, been journalling a lot and trying to do collages etc. Not helping too much though :(

Aimee you're right, I do wish that I could have more help to move forwards.

I had my first hot meal last night and though I got through it (the alternative was worse than the meal), I was a crying mess for ages.

I will try telling them how much I am struggling, or maybe write it down to show them at ward round on Monday, I dont know.

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Old 21-01-2011, 11:06 PM   #88
Uglyducklin
 
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please do that hun.Dont wait til monday tell someone over the weekend who is on duty.Hugsx

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Old 22-01-2011, 04:22 AM   #89
crazykat
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I hope you do write it down to show them *hugs*



"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."


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Old 22-01-2011, 06:03 AM   #90
lozza
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love you sweetie

how are you going today? xxx



sometimes being strong means not holding back the tears but letting them fall
~˙·٠•Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ •٠·˙~


my fur baby girls are my life <3
r.i.p my beautiful girl jackie. i will love you always no matter what - 6/5/10


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Old 22-01-2011, 11:08 AM   #91
Revival
 
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I'm not good, and you know what? I dont care anymore. To hell with it all. Just let me die.

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Old 22-01-2011, 12:09 PM   #92
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*hugs*

You don't deserve to die at all, your a beautiful and lovely person. Stay strong you can beat this. Im sorry i don't have a lot of advice just wanted to offer my support, pm if it would help.

take care heidi x



'Watch with glittering eyes, the world around you. Those who do not believe in magic will never find it' - Roald Dahl


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Old 22-01-2011, 02:10 PM   #93
akita
 
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You know that's never going to happen, we all care about you way too much.






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Old 22-01-2011, 02:50 PM   #94
crazykat
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*Cuddles* Love you sweetie



"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."


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Old 22-01-2011, 06:22 PM   #95
Buttons.
Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
 
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*hugs*



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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Old 22-01-2011, 06:23 PM   #96
Revival
 
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thanks Heidi Andrea Kat and Katy, I'm sorry for writing that I was having a really bad night.

Having said that I'm not exactly feeling better this morning but oh well.

I keep trying to look for something positive to keep me going but I keep drawing blanks. I really am trying to be positive it's just that I'm so mentally and physically exhausted I feel like I can't go on, and think that suicide is a good idea.

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Old 22-01-2011, 06:33 PM   #97
[SundayGirl]
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Suicide is not a good idea, your worth so much more than that. I know you are findng things hard right now, i understand, we all do but please keep fighting, keep talking, keep ranting. Kick & scream to get your fury out if you have to. Please just dont give up. You are such a wonderful person & you do not deserve what you are going through. I know you cant see it now but if you keep fighting imagine how much better your life would be? No more hospitals, no more ED, no more suicide thoughts.. just freedom? You can beat this. We all believe in you.
Please believe in yourself.
Keep going.
We are all behind you



I am not a freak..
I was born with my freedom.



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Old 22-01-2011, 07:17 PM   #98
Unfocused
 

there are the good old making collages, art, write music - a good one is to write your own version of lyrics to a song you already know.

erm....design your dream house - like full on design it

wish i could come visit you and then yell at the staff on your behalf to say she needs more mental and emotional support. you need to tell them how much you are finding this hard in order to make sure recovery lasts for you xx

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Old 23-01-2011, 05:45 PM   #99
Revival
 
Join Date: Apr 2004

Thanks Linzie and Aimee,

Linzie I wish so much that I could believe your kind words, but right now all I have is intense self loathing and hatred. I want to believe in myself, I want to imagine a life without this but it's like I just dont know how. I know that sounds stupid but it's the best way I can explain it right now.

Aimee thankyou for your suggestions, I have started doing collages and a little bit of very crappy painting, it helps a little bit, been journalling a lot as well.

I'm really ashamed to admit this, but I smuggled in some laxatives the other day and have taken them the last 2 nights. I know that I should stop or tell P this afternoon, but I just can't. I don't want to lose the trust that he has in me, and I dont want my leave to be cancelled. I'm a bit lost.

Also I'm freaking out about getting weighed today, it's 3:30am here and I can't sleep because I'm freaking out. Last week I gained X kilos; apparently it was because I was massively dehydrated and hadn't been eating, but I dont believe them I think they're just lying to me. I guess I'll find out in a few hours.

Thanks again for your support everyone I really appreciate it.

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Old 23-01-2011, 07:13 PM   #100
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Hugs Im so sorry its so hard.Not great with words but thinking of youx

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