I'm so sorry to be asking for support as I haven't been here to support you guys lately, I feel terrible but I really need some help.
I'm just really struggling. Been admitted to the Eating Disorders Unit again, this is my third consecutive 40 day admission to this particular unit. Problem is, I don't know if I want to be here right now.
I haven't been eating and have lost apparently a lot of weight (though if I listen to the GP I'm not underweight so I'm fine...), and I'm really not coping with having to eat again. I don't think that I can get through this.
They're not even expecting me to eat full meals but it's still 6 “meals” per day. I'm not going to say what the food is, but it's more than I've eaten in over a week and I don't know how to do it.
It's never been this hard for me to eat before, I just want to go home but I know that if I do I will just keep restricting and losing weight... but that's what I want, I think? Sorry, I'm really confused.
I don't really know what I'm asking for here, maybe just some support that I can get through this? Because right now I have no faith that I can.
I just want to give up. I feel like I would rather die than eat. Please help?
Hello my gorgeous Ally, I phoned you earlier but you were still dinnering. Remember what you said to me at my last visit with you? "I want to get better from this", what's happened since then for that to change love? The people on here and at home that love you so so much have that faith in you that you can't see right now but you will see it soon, I can promise you that. Please keep fighting and holding on, you CAN beat this, I know you can.
I dont what's changed, I just feel completely hopeless and I dont see the point in fighting anymore. I have no strength left. I'm exhausted and I just want an end to this. How can you know that I can get through this? I dont want anymore of this, I want out
You might not see the point in fighting anymore but a lot of other people do see the point in it. I know that you can get through this because of what you told me when I was there with you. You are asking for relief from it and it will come, I can't say when but I know it will and you will be free from this pain you are in right now.
I know you can't see a way out of this but I and others have faith in you. Faith that you will get through this, you are worth fighting for. Hold on there
Kat xxx
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
hey look at crazykat's sig. I think it's so true. Please be good to yourself. I sometimes, well a lot of the time, think I'd rather die than eat too, but you need to eat, you know that. I don't know what to say, I've never been ip for ed, but I wish you well and hope you get through it ok. I know you can do it.
thankyou for your kind replies they really mean a lot to me.
I've eaten all my meals today (though I don't really have a choice), but I'm finding it so incredibly hard. It's never been this hard for me to eat before... I didnt want things to get this bad; I feel like I can't pull myself out of this.
I also got scared because I was talking to my psych this morning about how hard it is to eat right now and he suggested tube feeding, it really freaked me out, especially that if I go back to starving or refuse to eat that's what's going to happen.
Just feeling so incredibly lost, he did a group this morning on how to tell if you are moving forwards or backwards, and we had to write what we want in life, and I just dont know anymore. I'm so confused, this hurts so much.
*hugs tight* I'm sorry this is so hard for you. A huge well done on eating all your meals, that's fantastic! Tube feeding would scare the beejesus out of me so I can only imagine how it must feel to have psych suggest it. I really hope it doesn't get to that. If it helps, I don't know what I want in life either.
I dont know whether or not to tell them that I purged this morning. I'm so torn, because on the one hand I want to purge, restrict, anything to lose weight. But on the other hand I'm sick of this ruling my life and I want something more. I really don't know.
babes be honest with them thats how you are gonna get better.
use the support of the hosp. your in my thoughts keep fighting :)
well done on eating all your meals be proud of yourself thats a big step.
<3
Locked in, Buried under my skin
Riding on the whispers, Restless in the wind
Hunted, I can feel it coming
Keep me under cover in what could of been.
How are you feeling today love? I know you are trying so so much and they should know that that is all you can do. You are complying with what they what they want you to do and as hard as it is, I think you are doing so so well even if you don't agree. Hope to see you soon.
I'm not really feeling better today to be honest, I just can't handle the amount of food that I'm supposed to eat, and it's going up tomorrow; I dont know how I'm going to cope with that.
And I did end up telling someone that I purged yesterday, I dont know if that was a good thing or not.
I am so so close to discharging myself, but my psych got me to promise that I would stay for the full 40 days, because he knows that I dont break promises. But I'm seriously contemplating breaking this one. I dont know what to do anymore, I just want to run away.
