Need help remembering

[-Shae-Lynn*]

Hi Everyone,

I'm not feeling well. That's the refrain when I get like this:
I don't feel well.

I forgot to get my blister pack from my dad this morning so I've gone all morning and afternoon without meds. At about 2:30 I gave up white knuckling it and searched my parents room for my meds.

I found them. Though now I'm not sure how helpful that is.

I've taken what I'm supposed to take for today, but oh boy, I want to take all of them so bad.

I know it will be a waste of meds and it probably won't do anything anyways. It's just that... I don't feel well. This will make me feel better. It's not going to kill me so it shouldn't matter.

Except it does.

It all matters.

You matter. I matter. The whole universe *is* matter.

Right now I need help remembering that. That I don't need to take these pills. That the sun will set on today and I'll feel better tomorrow.

Bleh!

[HopeRises]

Please don't take them. Tomorrow is a new day and you will eventually feel better. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You need to keep walking to see it.

Can you give the rest of the medication to your dad to keep yourself safe?

[SubSteph]

Hello,
I know what it is like, the overwhelming feeling of "I don't feel well". I know it sucks, and it hurts. I am there myself too, but I am still here. and you are still here. That means you are strong, and you can keep being strong. You do not need to take them. I don't know when, but it can get better. you can feel better. you are right, you do matter. I hope you are ok

[-Shae-Lynn*]

Hi guys,

Thanks for the replies.

It turned into this big mess of emotions in my head and I just couldn't cope. I couldn't cry and hurting myself just wasn't helping.

I did end up taking the medicine and spending the night in emerg. Unfortunately for me the doctor who was on *basically* hates Borderlines and wants them out ASAP. I was released at 7:10am, the moment my ECG came back clear.

I went home and I just started feeling worse and worse so on Wednesday I came back and talked to different doctors and now I'm admitted. I don't know how long, probably not very.

Anyways, thank you.

[-Shae-Lynn*]

Thank you for reaching out. I appreciate that a lot.

How I'm doing is not very well. Except all the professionals think I'm a Rockstar coper. It's all very frustrating. I don't know how to take care of myself both mentally and physically and they're all "but you came into emerg! You don't smell!" When in reality I don't know when to change my clothes or shower or eat appropriately or *not* destroy myself.

I don't know. I'm basically unhelpable because I'm too willful or something. I don't see it that way. I see it as I'm still getting something out of the behaviour.

Being self-aware and having insight really sucks sometimes.