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Old 26-09-2008, 11:05 PM   #1
*Fading_existence*
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Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - Im sorry for being so despicable *triggers bullying and abuse*

I have never written this out fully before or given everyone every detail so sorry if its really long or triggering or rambley. I just cant keep it in anymore. It hurts too much.

It all started when i was young, we were in his(brother) room and he asked to see my "parts" and so being scared i showed him he poked around and then put his in. I didnt like it, i was scared. He told me not to tell and if i did he was going to make up lies about me. So i never did i kept it a secret for 15 years no one knew during that time. I was scared all men were like that so if we ever had guests or anything and they tried to kiss me on the cheek i used to run away. Then school started i never had friends part of being a horrible disgusting whore really. That wasn't enough though was it she started just names really *fatty faye* *fat* *bitch* *ugly* the list went on. I hid in those digusting yellow smelly toilets. Then the boys joined in too. One said "i want to kill you, run you over". Still the bullying continued. 2 years later a new girl joined, she also joined the bullying-she was more nasty though. Then even at home things weren't much better one girl who lived in our street "i want to kill you, ill use my dads gun do you want to see it?" and he all brothers and sisters argue but he was viscious *fat tub of lard* *ugly bitch* *cow* *moody brat* *fatty* and he used to fight me and hit me hard. Not just play fight, properly hard so i had bruises and i cried. I used to hide for hours hoping it would give me a break. Then boys in other years joined in, they chased me, hit me, tried to pour water all over me. Then another girl joined our school and even better she also bullied me. They all laughed at me, called me names, chased me. Whatever to make me feel this small . Then on to secondary school and was fairly ok i guess just name calling here and ther and people pouring juice in my hair. I know im not the daughter she wants but constant criticism of how fat i am, how unfeminine i am, why i dont have a boyfriend, why arent i pretty, why dont i wear nice clothes, why dont i make an effort, why arent i as perfect as him? I dont know mum im sorry i know im dirty worthless disgusting whore but please be nice to me please -you never believed me and still dont realise. Then i went off to uni and people started abusing me in the street still do sometimes, call me all sorts and take the p*** and he well he still has verbal tirades at me and flicked a lighter in my face but you know better than what it was.

Sorry its so long, sorry im such a dirty disgusting individual and have written this i just needed to let it out.



RYL Family
Rhapsodyinblue is my business partner
Avalanche is my best friend, Dancing Loony is my Niece
Queer Fringe is my god-daughter Hollz is my big sis, , Rainey is my sister,



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Old 26-09-2008, 11:16 PM   #2
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*hugs* You're not digusting or dirty one teeny bit! You're wonderful and we love you for getting that out. It took a lot of strength Faye. It's not your fault your brother and the bullies did that. They were the wrong ones, not you.

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Old 26-09-2008, 11:21 PM   #3
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awww hunni im so so sorry to hear that has happened to u, please pm me if u ever need anything xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.



I will chain you to the truth, because the truth will set you free.


Lots of Love Rachel xxxxxxxxxxxx.


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Old 27-09-2008, 12:58 AM   #4
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Faye you are amazing.
You should NEVER have had to go through that, none of it.
<3



I've got ham but I'm not a hamster :)


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Old 27-09-2008, 11:21 AM   #5
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I'm so sorry that you had to go through that no one should have to suffer like that, you are not dirty or disgusting hun, please dont believe that about yourself *cuddles* It was very brave of you to post you should be proud of yourself,
take care
xx

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Old 27-09-2008, 04:38 PM   #6
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I wish i was a better daughter i wish i could make you proud. All you do is lecture me on ALL MY FAULTS never ever positive to me. I wish you could see how your words hurt me. Im sorry im such a waste of a being and a daughter you deserve better and want better i know. Please dont be afraid to just abandon me mum.

Sorry my mum keeps going on at me today about all my faults and stuff. I really am a dispicable disgusting horrible being. Please dont say otherwise because if it wasnt true she wouldnt treat me like this. I mean she does love me but her way of showing me is to try and make me a better, nicer, person cause im so disgustingly hideous.

Why do i have to stay alive through this? i dont want to anymore.



RYL Family
Rhapsodyinblue is my business partner
Avalanche is my best friend, Dancing Loony is my Niece
Queer Fringe is my god-daughter Hollz is my big sis, , Rainey is my sister,



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Old 27-09-2008, 06:07 PM   #7
risenfromperdition
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faye sweetheart, remember what i said? sometimes parents are mean. you're not disgusting or hideous, and i know it's hard but try not to listen *sends gentle cuddles if you want* here if you wanna chat <3



“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”

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Old 27-09-2008, 06:26 PM   #8
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Trust me you are more beautiful and brave then many could aspire to be. You don't deserve any of the things you've been through, well done for being courageous enough to speak out xx



Play the game out
Amor Vincit Omnia




Dad 10/11/2008 Always our sunshine, I'm still playing for the town hall clock


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Old 27-09-2008, 10:06 PM   #9
Born to be broken
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*huggles* ur perfect ... urr my starxx



~ the Faith has GONE~
i loves all the safe room kids there all my lil heros...
Mikki is my lil sis <3 Hanner is my lil Princess <3
new year ...same problems....
hurts just as much....

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Old 27-09-2008, 10:45 PM   #10
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Your mum is the person with the problem, not you.
You're beautiful as you are.



I've got ham but I'm not a hamster :)


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Old 28-09-2008, 10:07 PM   #11
*Fading_existence*
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Im a dirty disgusting fat whore. All my family can see it and how useless, worthless and pathetic i am. Why cant you see please see it. I mean they love me but im not as good as any of their precious amazing children, i dont have a job with decent money or whatever, i dont have a bf cause im too fat, ugly and well i dont want anyone near this disgusting body and well im damaged goods as it were. Finally im not as pretty or skinny or successful or confident as them or dont have a driving liscence. Yes i know im a s***bag but please dont judge me.



RYL Family
Rhapsodyinblue is my business partner
Avalanche is my best friend, Dancing Loony is my Niece
Queer Fringe is my god-daughter Hollz is my big sis, , Rainey is my sister,



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Old 28-09-2008, 10:13 PM   #12
Kuwairo
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Faye, you know full well I'm not going to agree with a word you just said.
They're emotionally abusive. As for the job bit, you're trying. You've got an interview tomorrow.
Confidence is something that grows, and yours will as you work through what's happened to you in your life.
Beauty has nothing to do with weight, it doesn't have anything to do with physically appearance. You are a beautiful person who just happens to be the opposite of ugly too.



I've got ham but I'm not a hamster :)


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Old 28-09-2008, 10:17 PM   #13
*Fading_existence*
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I just hope you can see the truth one day, ive tried to show you. Im sorry. I should never have done this. All of this its my fault and my fault alone. Im sorry.



RYL Family
Rhapsodyinblue is my business partner
Avalanche is my best friend, Dancing Loony is my Niece
Queer Fringe is my god-daughter Hollz is my big sis, , Rainey is my sister,



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Old 28-09-2008, 10:26 PM   #14
Kuwairo
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You don't really believe that, you said yourself that deep down you know the problem lies with the bullies, not the bullied. I know it's really hard to see that when you're feeling so low, but it's there, it can be seen.
What you see isn't truth, it's the lies that other people have fed you to help them feel better about who they are. They are lies, BUT what us on here tell you is truth.
Could you maybe write down the things we tell you? And the things your friends tell you? Have like, a truth/positive book or something? So that when you feel like this you can look at it and know that this is not your fault?



I've got ham but I'm not a hamster :)


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Old 29-09-2008, 01:56 PM   #15
*Fading_existence*
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I have a "happy book" which my mum got me when i got home from uni to write happy thoughts in and good things about myself. So i made a page of all the nice things people have said. But i have used 4 pages since i got home in june and its nearly october.
This is my fault hun if i wasnt so fat ugly and disgusting inside and out i wouldnt have had any of this. It was my punishment for being awful.



RYL Family
Rhapsodyinblue is my business partner
Avalanche is my best friend, Dancing Loony is my Niece
Queer Fringe is my god-daughter Hollz is my big sis, , Rainey is my sister,



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Old 29-09-2008, 01:59 PM   #16
Kuwairo
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When I see you I don't see fat, ugly or disgusting.
I see the direct opposite.
I see that little plus next to your name and I'm happy because my friend's online. And you're helping me loads, so thank you =]
Four pages is better than none. I threw away my happy book, so it's so good that you're filling yours in. I should come and fill it for you!



I've got ham but I'm not a hamster :)


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Old 29-09-2008, 02:05 PM   #17
*Fading_existence*
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hmm wish you could see what i see. cause its reflection of me as a person.
:) im glad when your online too your one person who i can tell anything too and still not be judged and i cant ever thank you enough for that.
only if its happy thoughts about you :) maybe you should start yours again.



RYL Family
Rhapsodyinblue is my business partner
Avalanche is my best friend, Dancing Loony is my Niece
Queer Fringe is my god-daughter Hollz is my big sis, , Rainey is my sister,



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Old 29-09-2008, 02:07 PM   #18
Kuwairo
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I'm actually going to come and fill out your book with a 'faye is brilliant' section.
Just tell me when =]
What I see reflects you more acurately. Ask everyone in the Safe Room, I know they'll agree.



I've got ham but I'm not a hamster :)


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Old 29-09-2008, 03:05 PM   #19
*Fading_existence*
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Nonononono dirty dirty disgusting self centred selfish little b****, i should have learnt my lesson by now.



RYL Family
Rhapsodyinblue is my business partner
Avalanche is my best friend, Dancing Loony is my Niece
Queer Fringe is my god-daughter Hollz is my big sis, , Rainey is my sister,



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Old 29-09-2008, 03:11 PM   #20
Kuwairo
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what lesson would that be?
wait.
self centred?
you?
you've spent the past day trying to get me to open up properly, trying to get me to get help. you've spent your day focusing on me, not you!
faye, you're amazing.



I've got ham but I'm not a hamster :)


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