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Old 01-01-2020, 07:19 PM   #21
Sharkgirl
 
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Update: New Years Eve went smoothly. It wasn't until 1AM that I had to retire downstairs to bed. I still stayed up I just sat in bed. I woke up late today and took one of my prescribed beta blockers. I went to put my head down on the pillow and suddenly felt very woozy and weak despite sleeping for most of the day. I was scared that I would die in my sleep. I feel wobbly when I move too. I worry about this more than I should be.

I took 2 of the beta blockers yesterday and they really helped but I took one 2 hours ago and I still feel weak and tired which causes death anxiety.

My doctor said she can only do the 9th of January and I've been feeling like this for weeks. Right now I feel hot flushes like when you have a cold and I feel weak and don't have the energy to walk about and if I try I'm scared I'll fall. I have water beside me and a lavender scented candles. I'm also taking deep breaths.

I don't know how many propranolol it takes for something dangerous to happen but I only took 40mg to today. I felt really sick but hopefully I will feel better soon.

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Old 02-01-2020, 02:02 PM   #22
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If you are following the prescribed instructions on the beta blockers you shouldn't have to worry about dangerous effects. How are you today? What are things like when you're not obsessing so much over your health, does anything distract you? Can you use this week to prepare something for when you see your GP so you get the most out of the appointment?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 03-01-2020, 03:16 PM   #23
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Hello again!

I had another attack yesterday evening. It started with a queasy stomach and I only ate half of my dinner until I ran to the bathroom and felt dizzy, nauseous and weak, even throwing up a little bit. My Mum sat on the edge of the bath with me and reassured me that I was not going to die. Afterwards when I had taken a propranolol tablet and calmed down a bit, I spoke to my Mum for a bit, watched a film and then slept from 10 of clock at night to 8 o clock in the morning.

I woke up feeling really groggy and lethargic, and have only had two glasses of water and a tablet. Even after taking the beta blocker, I still feel weak and have a sense of doom. It's probably because I haven't eaten yet but I'm scared I'll throw up again, even though that's no way to live because I don't want to end up in hospital. I'm a healthy weight for a woman of my age but I am scared that I'll lose it dramatically in a week.

I hate feeling so ill and I want to get better again. I tried having a nap but my slowed down heart rate from the tablet planted the seed of a bad thought that I was now so weak I would die in it. I'm always thinking that. I also think "Why me? Why now?" Until I remember how selfish I sound because others have it so much worse.

I read that exercise works for anxiety but that just feeds my fear. I try and walk and I feel like I'm going to fall. I get a head rush and this fuels my anxiety. I was also about 8 or 9 hours into my tablet when I felt sick again which scares me because it makes me think I'm not safe from this feeling even after taking one. They're meant to last 10 hours but some sources say they only last 3 or 4 hours. Which I don't know would work for me because the doctor says I can only take 3 in a day.

Thank you for asking for me! I have tried listening to mindfulness tapes which really help and I keep a lavender candle near my bed to smell when I feel anxious and scared. I watch movies and listen to comedy audiobooks and watch comedy TV Shows. Talking also helps. Talking about anything is a distraction. I try and jokingly say that the cat doesn't seem to be gravely worried, sleeping on the end of my bed like death is near. She's a distraction too, I think about the texture of her fur and it relaxes me.


Last edited by Pi.R^2 : 03-01-2020 at 05:02 PM. Reason: see your PMs
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Old 03-01-2020, 03:32 PM   #24
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What do you hope to get from your doctors appointment? I can't remember if you have said this already but have you been referred for formal therapy? Not just student counselling which is kind of general.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 03-01-2020, 04:50 PM   #25
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I was last in formal therapy in 2014. The last time I was in a therapist''s office, one of the head psychologists and the person in charge of supplying me my medication was congratulating me on how much progress I had made.

I guess I want some more...comfort or reassurance about my health or see if she can refer me to a good psychologist. I'm no longer a child so I can't go back to the Young Person's Dept. I just want something, a technique or a medicine or something that will stop me feeling woozy and ill.

Also, I saw the news today that the US killed a general from Iran and now WW3 is trending on Twitter and the last time I was this bad it was over the war in Ukraine and Syria and fears it could lead to a nuclear war so this hasn't helped.

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Old 03-01-2020, 05:21 PM   #26
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I don't know why every time I feel like this I am worried/convinced I am dying?! It's always the hot flush with fatigue and tired feeling and I try and breathe through it. It goes away after 20 minutes or so but oh wow I feel horrible in the moment. I get scared to move even afterwards and just think "Does this mean I'm really sick? Is this what it feels like to die?" Sometimes I'm scared the tablets are making it worse. But a lot of the time the work.

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Old 03-01-2020, 06:20 PM   #27
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I think seeing a psychologist might be useful if you can ask your GP for a referral. Does your GP know you well and know much about what you go through? When you're feeling unwell and panicking in the moment one of the symptoms can be feeling like you're dying and that can be hard to challenge at that time even though afterwards you can say to yourself that it was like previous times where nothing serious happened. I don't know how you get around that other than continuing to try and reassure yourself.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 03-01-2020, 08:02 PM   #28
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I think I'm going to ask my tutor and teacher at university if I can get a longer time off. And a new essay extension. I don't want to miss anything but I don't feel like I should go back when I'm not even able to walk outside. My parents are suggesting that we go on a walk tomorrow but I'm scared I won't manage. I just had another really scary panic attack at 6pm that really felt like I was going to shut down. I felt extremely weak, I threw up my dinner again, this time even more, I was having hot and cold flushes, shaking and I was even wailing a bit. I must have looked pathetic in the moment.

I definitely need a psychologist. It's just a matter of getting an appointment and affordability. I am also scared I won't find someone kind and understanding. My first experience at the young person's place, the guy barely seemed interested and got half my information wrong!

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Old 04-01-2020, 11:53 AM   #29
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If you think you need more time off from uni then do ask for it, your health is the most important thing right now. I'm sorry you had a bad experience with psychology as a young person, I'd hope that people would be more understanding now and if you don't feel like they are then you'd let them know.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 05-01-2020, 05:19 PM   #30
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I'm having another one and it's bad! 😢 The lump in my stomach is making me feel sick like I'm going to throw up and I'm shivering. I'm scared my heart will stop or that I'll faint or stop breathing so I'm breathing quicker and deeper. All I've had to eat today is eggs on toast and a glass of lemonade. I took a propranolol beta blocker 1 hour ago. It should have kicked in by now! Instead I just felt scared that I was going to die because I feel lethargic and a bit ill.

Even though logically, I've been in bed all day and I haven't eaten much and I'm on my period. I just feel really dizzy and weak. I'm so so so worried what do I do?!

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Old 05-01-2020, 06:09 PM   #31
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When do you next see a medical professional? It sounds like you are in urgent need of some professional support for the level of anxiety that you are experiencing.

Try to hold on to the fact that you have felt like this before and you did not die. I think it's also important to try to eat what you can; not getting enough food is only going to make you feel more lethargic!



We’ll find a way to fight it, we always have.
It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.


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Old 05-01-2020, 09:08 PM   #32
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You're right I should. I next see the doctor on Thursday. It's weird, the first time I was told by a doctor I was going to be okay I was fine for the next couple of days or at least less panicked. It wasn't until I started doubting that they started again.

I keep worrying that something bad will happen before I even have a chance to tell the doctor what I've been feeling. This is no way to live my life. Every day I worry about the next panic attack. I worry constantly. Thank you for taking the time to listen.

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Old 06-01-2020, 09:02 PM   #33
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Aside from the propanalol and reassurance, has anything else helped, even a little bit? Such as drinking some water/juice, eating, distracting by watching TV/playing a game/listening to music or anything really!

I'm glad you're seeing a doctor on Thursday. Will someone be with you to help you communicate just how bad things are getting?



We’ll find a way to fight it, we always have.
It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.


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Old 07-01-2020, 05:22 AM   #34
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Yes, my Mum and Dad are going with me.

Drinking water and actually hot tea really help. Even when I don't have much of an appetite having something in my system is better than nothing. Orange juice helps too sometimes. I've been watching a lot more TV and listening to audiobooks, especially comedy, recently. It just helps distract me if I'm trying to listen to a story.

Unfortunately I'm still in my pyjamas and bed-ridden most of the day which is not good because it means I'm not getting exercise and I haven't properly been outside in a week or so. It's mostly fear over my health/preoccupation with my own death that scares me and the news just now feels very...apocalyptic?

I was just looking up stuff on blood tests with my Mum because I was still unsure about my physical health. They took 3 vials off of me and I don't know if that was for different tests or for one big test but they need at least 2 samples of blood in case a test comes back inconclusive. So, three vials should be good to tell if I was really sick right? They all came back healthy and I still wasn't convinced.

I think I'm also going back to the hypochondriac stage I was when I was about 6-8 and I thought every symptom was a sign of sickness or death. I had an earache this morning and have been getting that feeling of bile rising in my throat. I'm also concerned if my heart beats too fast or too slow. Right now I can hardly feel it because I'm relatively relaxed but only finding a faint heartbeat has put me on edge.

I also feel really dizzy but maybe that just started just now through being on my phone in the dark.

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Old 08-01-2020, 06:56 AM   #35
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I feel really scared and sad right now. I've seen the news of what's happening in the world and it's causing me great distress. I'm scared there's going to be a WW3 or a bomb going off in the UK. Trump in office makes me nervous. Iran's regime makes me neevous that makes me feel like everything is going to end and I will never have a life or career or see the world. I keep having images of me and my parents watching the death and carnage on TV and just holding each other going "this is it, this is the end, I love you, I love you too" etc.

I have my appointment on Thursday. But I worry if I will actually see it, because I'm scared that I won'the make it through the night or the events in the news will have escalated to catastrophic proportions. I'm really frightened right now. I can't concentrate on anything but death. I don't know what to do!

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Old 09-01-2020, 03:56 PM   #36
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How did you get on at your appointment?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 09-01-2020, 10:14 PM   #37
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Fine thank you!
My doctor has decided to increase my propranolol to 80mg a day that will release spouts of serotonin or another similar chemical into my brain throughout the day. She even showed me my blood results and said if the writing next to the test is in red, it means something's abnormal. None of my writing was in red. And different tests were done in different labs so there's no way they could have missed something.

I'm still having dizziness and nausea but I'm breathing through it and eating ginger biscuits which I've heard helps. I'm also signed off Uni until the 31st Jan. I wonder if the dizziness is just sense memory or left over residue from being sick? I don't know.

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Old 10-01-2020, 01:49 PM   #38
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That sounds good. Do you feel more reassured?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 21-01-2020, 02:38 PM   #39
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Posting again after 2 weeks!

So, I've actually been feeling better the past 5 days, at least in terms of eating and drinking well. Yesterday my Mum decided that it would be a good idea if I got dressed and went for a walk with my Dad. Everything fine, no incidents. However, I woke up in the middle of the night last night and didn't go back to sleep. Instead I played video games and durfed online. I went through to my Mum's room and she said another great step would be if I saw my Grandma. I really wanted to as I hadn't seen her in ages.
But then I started to feel funny and I recognised them as the beginnings of an anxiety attack. I took deep breaths but my legs wouldn't stop shaking. I took some beta blockers with me just in case.

Anyway we arrive at my Grandma's. It's so great to see her I almost forget my anxiety. But then the feelings keep coming and I start to feel nauseous, like a hot flush from my head all the way to my stomach. My legs will not stop shaking. I was mad at myself that my Grandma had to see me like this.
She and my Dad tell me to take long, deep breaths. Which I do. I'm always overly conscious of my breathing worried that it will stop at any moment. I get to my feet...and start to vomit. And continue to do so in the bathroom. It feels horrible.

So now I'm at home, feeling weak and tired, wanting to fall asleep but being scared I'll die in it. I thought my sertraline meds would have kicked into now. I felt like they were starting to but then this happened.
My Dad is thinking about hiring a therapist and convincing me to defer from Uni for a year. I was doing so well but now I'm scared again.

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Old 21-01-2020, 02:41 PM   #40
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I'm also aware that I've been told I'm not dying by my parents and two separate trained professionals. All my blood test results came back healthy and with no abnormalities according to the results sheet. But instead of accepting that, I keep thinking "They might be wrong, people make mistakes, you've got a dreadful illness and you're going to die!"

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