I still miss you. I don't quite know what I miss about you. But I do. I miss talking to you, like we used to. I wonder if you still remember. I wonder if you can still recall the words you said would stay with you forever.
It feels like you want to flaunt what you have in front of me. Like you desperately want to show that you're happy. We know, ok? We all fucking know how happy you are and how it's all perfect and you're the luckiest person in the world to have such a partner. I know. But whilst you've made the time to stay in touch with EVERYONE else, it almost seems like you have deliberately stopped trying to do the same for me. It's empty words now, isnt it. All we say to eachother now. Empty words for the sake of the good old days.
I wish you can stop always trying to one up me, put me down, and think you are better than me. It bothers me that you would treat me like that. It makes me angry and annoyed!! Why can't we just get along?? This is not a competition so just drop it!! What is wrong with you??!! I am so sick and tired of this behavior. Now I feel like I don't want to see you anymore or have anything to do with you. Gosh, if I could... I would get you out of my life but I can't since we are family.
I hate to fake being nice and always trying to be the "bigger" person for you. I'm trying to be nice to you and support you but you can't even do the same for me. I feel like giving up on you. What's the point?? Why can't you just respect me more since I am older than you?? Stop trying to put me down thinking you know it all when you really don't.
please don't lie to me and tell me I'm beautiful. I know I'm not.
“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’.
They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”
― John Lennon
I'm very scared. I think that's the emotion this is. I want to freeze this frame and stay sat very still forever and ever and not have to move, or else everything will be just too much.
But I have to move. Because I have to go to my DSA assessment. Trololol, as if I deserve DSA. I'm just a lazy bitch. That is not a disability.
So very anxious. I wonder if I would be justified in taking a diazepam now. I doubt it. I'm scared that you think I'm a liar and a fraud about this, and shouldn't have been prescribed it. Maybe I am. I just don't know.
And this woe isn't even interesting. I normally at least make my woes interesting. *frowns*
I'm still in love with you
Everyday I feel like I need you
but you've abandoned me all over again
Why can't we just run away together?
You, yourself, said we were alike and
that you loved me.
You loved me.
I loved you
... And what scares me the most is that.. I still DO.
I understand that you work, you're stressed and you can't possibly be dealing with conversations about E. You're a complete an utter selfish twat. E needs you to step up unless you want him to become you, you are becoming your mother - putting money and work above everything else. Do you really think I have nothing to do? Do you honestly believe the shit you tell me, that as I'm only studying I have no idea what real life's like?! I work fucking hard! I don't get to leave work at uni or the hosp. I collect E at 5-6, help him with his homework and his reading, cook his dinner, get him ready for bed and put him to bed. Then I make sure his bag is pack for the next day, make sure it has his homework and reading book in, sign his contact book, filter through the letters and write your name on the extra ones in the futile hope that you'll bother to read the information about your sons education that you value so fucking highly, put his snack in, wash and fill his water bottle and iron his uniform. The following morning I help him get ready, make sure he's got his bag, water, cap and blazer then get him to school. That's just the school part of it. Yes we all forget things now and again but you sent your son to school without his blazer or coat or cap, in this weather?! and because you're stressed out at work, you refuse to drop them off on your way to work?! I let you know he needed it at 3.50 today, but you decided to wait until 9.25 to tell me.... Helpful(!) Had you told me about you stupid, fucking, lazy, selfish incompetencies early I would have begrudgingly been able to drive over to yours and get them, instead you leave it until he's gone to bed so we won't have time. Fucking idiot.