Please, I beg of you, read my whole post regardless of its length. I stumbled onto this site/your post and had to create an account and respond to you. When choosing my screen name, I selected "it gets better" because that's what came to mind.
I can tell from your post there is a lot of pain. I've been there, in the thick of it and made it out. When I say I've been there, I mean by way of bullying. I was bullied horribly. Horribly! Move ahead many years later, my 11 year old son is being bullied. Full on, mental and physical, bullying. Honestly, knowing what my son is going through, watching his spirits being crushed by these bullies... man it hurts worse than anything I went through as a kid. I'm searching around on the net to see what I can do, how I can help my son etc. I watched "Bully" recently. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think bullying is worse today. That's just me, though.
Getting back to your post. I know these words you are reading, are just that: words. Like the "easier said than done". I was told a long time ago that "things wouldn't be like this", "things will get better" etc. And I have to tell you, it was the truth. This part, what you're going through, what other kids are subjecting you to is horrible. My eyes are watering now as I type this. Because I remember that pain, I remember how it felt like it would never end. But it does. See, at your age the years probably feel like they go by very slowly. At my age, today, they go by too fast. This chapter in your life, as painful, as up and down as it is, will not always be like this. I swear to you, it gets better. Maybe not overnight, but it gets better beyond your comprehension.
I was that kid that ate alone. My friend was the nintendo. I was a psychological punching bag. I can't put it all into words and not sure that I want to completely go back to "that place" in time. But you see, this ONE SINGLE day came. It was graduation. School was done! Over, completed, accomplished. I listened to two key things my parents taught me: 1) I can do anything 2) success is about happiness, not the dollar. I went out and found that one niche that I loved, had a ton of passion for, and eventually excelled at. I experienced something that was very different from the school days. People weren't as cruel. Not saying there isn't cruelty in adulthood. But you're not in a popularity contest and you realize you're now in a world where you don't have to take other people's crap, abuse.
Anyway, I made a small group of friends. That group grew. I met a girl. This really hot, beyond my dreams type girl, that would have been considered WAY out of my leagues in the school days. We got married. We spent a few years enjoying the married life, working, taking cruises and seeing the sights. Then we started a family. A day came when I realized that things did in fact get better, insanely better! I was in a life that I loved. I'm in a life that I love and feel very blessed to have.
The point of this story, my story, is that there is a ton more to life than school and all the bs that comes with it. You're growing and someday very soon you're going to realize how strong of a person you are. Perhaps in the future you'll help other people going through what you're going through now. The options are endless. You'll be able to do what you want and you'll have the power to create your own happiness and set boundaries. All of life is hard, there are always rough people, there will always be those times where you feel life just ain't fair. But I don't think things will be close to what you're going through now.
Just hang on! And keep hanging on. As hard as it is, try and surround yourself with positive things (music, messages etc.). Don't go down that dark road that you might think is comforting in some way. It's not and it will only make your world darker. So continue trucking along AND start thinking about what you want to do in life, after school. Because it comes fast! Start thinking about your happiness and what you want to achieve. Focus on what your passions. Because that day is gonna come soon and you'll be ready to live the rest of your life - happy and at peace. I don't know why bullying is a fact of life. It's horrible and life shattering. Someday something will be done to help stop it. I don't know if that will be Zero Tolerance Policies for any form of bullying, laws etc. I don't know. I'm searching that now for my son. My son is afraid to speak up, feels embarrassed. He recently asked me in the car "Daddy, what's wrong with me?". I had to pull over because I was crying so uncontrollably. Because there's nothing wrong with him, he's perfect the way he is. That's part of the reason I think he doesn't tell me everything. But I'm trying my best to get him to trust me, to let me protect him and help, even if I don't quite know how.
Well, I know this is ridiculously long, so I'll stop now. Hang in there, keep opening up. Don't bottle stuff in. Try, as hard as it is, to remain positive and find some support. You're not alone, by any means. Take care!
Ah, I see where you're coming from with regard to your mom's statement about others knowing. Continue your search, as hard as it may be, to find that support person, someone that you can trust, to open up to. Find the positive avenues out there to help you, rather than keeping stuff bottled in and festering. That's something you always hear "find your support system". I do realize that's harder for younger people to do, in school and under their parents room. I guess you're more restricted, or limited, than an adult trying to find a support system. My support system, back in the day, was music. While it was easier for me to identify and find solace in the darker stuff, I stuck with the positive as much as I could.
Back to your statement about your future. Please tell me, why do you think you won't have a good future? I'd like to know your thoughts, if you'd share. Because I swear to god I felt the same way. I thought, when I was going through what I went through and endured, that that was the way life would always be. But I learned quickly that this isn't the case. I left for the Navy just 2 mo after graduating from HS. After that, I went to college and had the time of my life. That's exactly when I went from being an introvert (due to bullies etc.) to becoming an extrovert and opening up and taking all that life had, and has, to offer. That's why I mentioned in my previous post to start thinking about what you want to do with your life when are free from all the pain you're going through now. I'm assuming you're still in school - MS, HS whatever. Think about what you want to do. Where you want to go. Man you can have an amazing future, with everything that you want. I'm not talking about crazy cars, tons of money and all that. I'm talking about two things: peace and happiness. What makes you happy? What interests you? What do you feel you'd be good at? These are the things you should start pondering. Start researching on the net and map out your life. It may not go all according to plan and it usually doesn't ever turn out exactly how we wanted. But you learn to count your blessings and be happy with what you have. I consider myself to be very successful. Not because of money - I live simply and from check to check (just the times we live in ). I feel I'm successful because I'm happy. I work and love what I do. I have a beautiful family that truly makes every day wonderful. I don't have any "dread" in my life, whereas when I was younger, and in school, it was filled with dread.
The guys that started South Park. They were horribly bullied, outcasts, loners, alone etc. etc. They took all of that and turned it into something positive. Take what you have gone through, what you're going through now and let that be a driver for turning it into something positive and living a good life. Maybe you go on to school and become therapist, helping other kids that will be going through what you're going through. The skies are the limit. Cliche, but it's true.
It may not feel like it now, but you will have a good future. You'll see someday soon that you're a better person for having gone through what you're going through - as barbaric as it sounds. Perhaps you'll have children that may go through something like what you're going through - and you'll be able to help and understand because you went through it. When life does throw it's curve ball you'll be stronger and able to handle them. That's what I'm going through now with my son. He used to love school, love learning. It's different now. And that's not fair. I hate bullying and I wish more could be done about it. I hope, with all my being, that someday very soon schools will acknowledge the problem with bullying and put a stop to it.
Anyway, I'm doing good. I hope you are doing good and can find the avenues to help you have more peace and be more positive. Like I said, I know it's hard. And I know it's easier said than done. And while I know it may not seem like it, but you can have an amazing future. If anything comes out of these posts, it's that you can somehow come to terms with the fact that it won't always be like this and you can have a wonderful life. If you can, tell me what you would dream yourself doing when you're in your 20's. Tell me why you think you couldn't do that.
Take care of yourself and please just hang in there. I have an older sister that would always tell me "it won't always be like this". She couldn't have been more right. And I'm telling YOU now, it won't always be like this. I can promise you that.
But you can carry on, and you must try. Just take it one day at time and try not to worry about all the negative possibilities you think you might face.
Can you explain, just in short if you have to, why you think you can't? What is the one single driver that's causing these feelings? I know there are probably many, but if you had to single in on one attribute driving misery, what is that? Please, will you tell me? We have the blanket of anonymity with these posts and this forum, it's not like anyone knows our true identity. Please don't be afraid to share. Just explain that one worst driver. And in the meantime... brother please know it will get better. I'm saying that because I know it will.
I just wanted to comment because I found this thread very inspirational.
Life does eventually get better LegendJoe4. I was in abusive and entirely messed up sitations from birth to about 17 years of age. I self harm. My parents found out and told me "Do it aagain and we will lock you up." That was it. Im anorexic. Bro, its tugh as hell! But you know what? I tried turning my outlet into writing poetry and running. This started slowly in eighth grade. Im currently a senior in high school. Today I have trophies and Medlas and Ribbons and National awards for what I turned my anger andstuff into. Im running college next year now. Find a passion man.
As the guy above said, these are just words right now. Read his posts several times more. Connect emotiknaity with him. He isnt just aa man saying this via internet. Im not saying you dont care or anything, I just feel reallly moved by him.
Elemntary was **** for mee too. I moved elementaries four times. Every school I was the outcast, I was the bullys victim, I was the one who began to never speak or do anything. Its different now. I feel more loved and accepted.
Recovery and feeling good isnt an overnight thing though. It takes time and patience.
To ItGetsBetter.... thanks for findiing this site and making an account to reply. It really doess mean a lot to me. Im copying your posts and putting them in my journal of inspiration. .
These kicks take me far away my dear; Far away from myself Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven