Not able to interact socially

howtorecover · 15-08-2017, 12:48 PM

Hi to everyone,

I am facing the most tough situations in my life. For the past so many years i have neglected it but it seems it is not possible anymore and i need to find a solution. I have this problem of not interacting with people. I have completely isolated myself from others and not socially interacting with others. If in a group i am also making others really uncomfortable. I am afraid of going to parties and functions. How do i overcome this situation? As a first step if in a group i feel very uncomfortable and not able to speak on any topic. How to overcome this? How can i feel that i am also part of the group and enjoy and speak something? Please help.

Entropy · 19-08-2017, 11:21 AM

Are you able to spend time socially with just one other person? Perhaps a relative if not a friend. I would try to build up your confidence gradually with smaller groups of people. Alternatively could you try a new hobby or activity where there are new people with similar interests to yourself? Then you might potentially worry less about talking because if you don't like it you won't have to go back and see them again.

Could you try to explain a bit more about what kinds of social situations you are afraid of and if you know why it makes you anxious?

howtorecover · 19-08-2017, 04:29 PM

Thank you for the reply. I will explain my situation better
a. One to one case where i am with only one other person. If i know he is a very social kind of person who can initiate a communication and keep me engaged by asking questions i am very comfortable and ok with it. But the problem comes when i think he is not talking much i feel the pressure to speak something and keep the conversation else i feel i am boring him. It puts lot of pressure on me and i become really weak and as time goes i like to escape from that situation.
b. Second situation i develop some kind of feeling of fear with some people where i cannot look at their face and speak directly. I always hope one third person is there when i am with these kind of people so that it reduces pressure on me. For example i develop this situation with few of my colleagues for no reason and they are very nice persons they speak very nicely with me but i have developed this kind of fear and it has become really really uncomfortable for me as i have to meet him day in and day out at the work place. And he is feeling uncomfortable and trying to avoid interacting with me. And i can't explain the situation where i need to interct with my manager one to one. I feel like crying and they can easily figure out the fear on my face. They in turn reduce interacting with me.
c. When in a party or group if i am with any of these persons my life will be misery i try avoiding them by choosing to sit at a place distance from them. I basically try to take a place where i am with a very comfortable person. But that is not always possible. I cannot initiate a communication. I do not know what to speak in a group.
d. Now it is started affecting my family life. I have almost become a boring person. So i spend most of the time working and avoiding social situations.
Sorry for the lengthy mail. But i need to come out of it. Please help me.

Entropy · 19-08-2017, 06:00 PM

Ok, so in the one to one situations I understand it can feel awkward if the other person is quiet but it is perfectly OK to have pauses in conversations sometimes and I'm sure you are not boring anyone. Is there someone that you enjoy spending one to one time with that you could explain your anxiety to and ask if they will go with you to meet other people in small groups? That way you know there will be at least one person there who will keep the conversation going.

Do you have any options for professional support at the moment especially to look at the specific fears you are getting when interacting with certain people?

I think it is important to try not to avoid social situations all the time if it is something you want to tackle.

howtorecover · 20-08-2017, 12:43 AM

Thank you again for the reply. This is the first time i am opening up in this forum as i somehow want to come out of this mess. I never discussed with my family or friends abouy my anxiety directly but for sure they know by my behaviour that i am getting anxious. Do you want me to discuss directly and is it ok to reveal my fears to my friends or family? Yes whenever possible i take one more person with me to avoid awkward situations.
As i now i do not have any professional help and i am not sure whom to approach and how much help they can offer me? Do you think it will help me if i contact a psychiatrist?
Do you think i can come out of it?

Entropy · 20-08-2017, 10:21 AM

It's really great that you have managed to open up here. As you say, your family and friends are probably aware that you are getting anxious but if you have never directly discussed it with them then they probably won't understand exactly how you are feeling or how they can help. I think it would be a great first step to try to discuss it with some people you trust and ask for their support.

I don't know where you are from so I'm not sure what professional help would be available in your area? Hopefully there will be something feasible that can help you to get through this though.

howtorecover · 20-08-2017, 03:56 PM

Thank you for the reply. I am not sure if i can discuss with someone. I don't have the luxury of such close friends right now as i spend most of the time at work return home, back to office next day. I am trying if i can get some online help and resolve the problems, not sure if i can do it. But i need to find some solution as soon as possible, i can't live with this anymore.

Entropy · 21-08-2017, 09:12 AM

Do you know if there are any options for professional help where you live?

Also is there someone at work you can talk to about how it affects you at work?

howtorecover · 21-08-2017, 12:09 PM

Thank you again for your patience. Recently i just started searching but i am not sure of their reviews and moreover they are expensive. At work people are busy with their tasks, don't have courage to speak with them either. Currently i am doing lot of online search to get some material and videos which can help me. Sometimes i feel ok but again the old fear again comes back.

Entropy · 24-08-2017, 04:56 PM

Looking online for help is a good idea, and it is great that you can recognise sometimes you feel ok.
Have you thought any more about talking to one of your family members or friends?

howtorecover · 25-08-2017, 03:33 AM

Will it help me if I discuss with family members or friends? I mean to say what kind of support should i ask them?

Entropy · 28-08-2017, 10:42 AM

I think it might be helpful if they understand how you are feeling so that they can reassure you if you are feeling anxious.
It might make you feel better when you are with them knowing that there is not any pressure for you to keep conversation going or do things you are uncomfortable with.

Also, perhaps they could accompany you in larger social situations and help to make conversation with others but stay with you if that would make you feel more comfortable?