Feeling suicidal and edgy and hearing things

[Koala hugs]

Feel like absolute cr*p I want to destroy myself I want to die im cursing every breath I take every heartbeat. I'm hearing voices but I keep thinking there real and goin to check my door coz that's where the voices r coming from. Keep thinking the voices r the police and there gonna smash the door in.

[Straight 3]

Hard sometimes to determine whats real and what is not, I know that very well.

Try to focus on your breathing and your surroundings if you can as best as possible until it passes. It will.

I hope you feel better and things settle down soon.

[Koala hugs]

Thanks.

[one_step_closer]

How are you doing now? Did something trigger you? How do you usually manage times like that? I hope you’re at least feeling a bit better.

[Koala hugs]

Still mute. Currently distracting myself by loading my mp3 up with more music and a audio book of torchwood red skies can't find my Dr who audio book s which is really annoying me especially as there read by David Tennant who is awesome. I'm doing this incase I end up in hospital. I need my music it helps a lot and the audio book might come in handy when I want a story I keep loosing concentration or loosing my place if I read at present which is a shame. I have a Dr's appointment tomorrow afternoon with a different Dr as mine was off sick today. Tomorrow s apt is with a female so that's good. I'm nervous about it. I might still end up at a and e if things get worse then following that I may end up being admitted to a mental health ward f knows where tho as there's no blinking beds anywhere. I need to pack a bag incase I need to go in it makes me feel calmer more prepared n in control a bit more

[Koala hugs]

Not sure re trigger

[one_step_closer]

Do you think you need to be admitted? I hope your appointment goes well and you can explore some support options.

[Koala hugs]

No idea re admittance probably not tho. As for GP visit it didn't go well she was nice and sympathetic but wouldn't increase my bedtime antidepressant as she's not my usual Dr. She said to go to a and e if the urges get stronger. She has booked me an appointment for tomorrow with MY gp. Let's hope that goes better. I know the meds will not work instantly but they wud give me hope that things will change and I will get better. It would be like OK I feel really cra*py but in two to three weeks I will feel better if I just hang on I will feel better now I don't even have that

[Koala hugs]

Seen my usual gp she has increased my bedtime antidepressant. I'm feeling calmer n more relieved n relaxed. I've actually hugged her on the way out not sure if it was entirely appropriate but I dnt think she minded I hope not anyway. She didn't hug back I expect she isn't allowed to. I'm not in the habit of hugging Dr's but hey there's a first time for everything

[one_step_closer]

I'm glad your appointment was useful and I hope the antidepressant increase helps improve things for you. How are you today?

[Koala hugs]

Much better today slept solidly for ten ish hrs without a single nightmare!!!! Didn't wake once in the night. I'm eating better and felt better supported today too

[one_step_closer]

That's really great, I'm glad to hear it. What are all the things you think are helping, so you can hopefully keep doing them?

[Koala hugs]

Quick help wen I had a couple of bad moments. Been food bank so now have enough food to eat enough as opposed to rationing it. I told my parents how bad things had got and they gave me money as a gift for my heating so I've been able to put that on now. Now things r starting to pick up a bit I'm drinking more fluids I was restricting severely how much I'd hav to drink per day for weeks but now I'm drinking more and while it's still less than the recommended amount per day I'm planning to increase fluid intake more. I'm eating healthier. The meds increase helped me sleep as drowsiness is a side effect. I feel warm cozy full loved cared about and supported today. And all that is before the new meds have kicked in so that's pretty good. Can I just say thank you for replying on my threads every time I need support ur there one step closer and I really appreciate it. Sorry for not commenting on urs that much I'm a bit rubbish at knowing what to say at times.

[one_step_closer]

I'm so pleased things are looking up, please keep taking very good care of yourself. If you're not looking after yourself with fluid intake etc then you might very easily go backwards again. Are your parents generally supportive?

You're welcome, I'm not sure if I always have something helpful to say but I will reply when I can. Don't worry about replying or not replying to my thread.

[Koala hugs]

Yeah so true I'm trying to increase my fluid intake back up to normal but am doin it gradually as if I eat or drink to much for my tummy I feel sick am increasing food intake and fluid intake back up to a healthier level. I am trying. Emotionally its a bit hit and miss with my parents but in practical ways they r very supportive. There is love between us so I'm lucky really.

[Koala hugs]

Am talking again. Have an ear infection tho

[one_step_closer]

Oh no, poor you. That can't be helping with how you're feeling. Are you still trying to look after yourself?

[Koala hugs]

Yeah still trying to. Can't manage to eat that healthy today but I'm taking meds n antibiotics as prescribed and I'm wrapping up in a thick wooly scarf wenever I got out. That's the best I can manage right now. Been out for hrs n hrs today well six? seven? Hrs its alot for me. I'm also ridiculously angry n in a bad mood but I've only had two or three hrs sleep last night so here's hoping for a better night's sleep tonight and then a better day tomorrow. I meet my new cpn this Thursday fingers crossed it goes OK currently trying to hold myself together n not let this anger tear things apart.

[one_step_closer]

That does all sound frustrating, lack of sleep makes everything feel extra annoying too I think. I hope you can catch up with sleep tonight. Good luck with your CPN appointment, are you doing anything to prepare for it?

[Koala hugs]

Thanks. Bit calmer for a chat with a friend. Shud sleep better tonight. No not gonna prepare for the cpn appointment just gonna show up n see how it goes.