Thank you so much! Like I get the feeling they are kind of begrudging. My father never even came on the phone to speak to me but after Art college which he paid for, he was obsessed with the fact that I didn't end up teaching or something.Now I have things together he won't admit that maybe he was wrong about me. I didn't take any money off him this time and i think now there is nothing bad he can say about me. I am the only one in the family to ever got to college but none of them will even celebrate with me or barely ring me to say well done. It's like drawing blood from a stone and there is a lot of alcoholism going about too. I don't think I am related to them. i don't look, act or speak like them and have a completely different manner to them. Plus there has to be a reason that nobody speaks to me anywhere I go.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
My father wouldn't even congratulate me and I am left alone to celebrate. It's pretty sad like. Just shows I can't be the problem and there has to be a reason for me being alone all the time.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
I am sorry to post here again considering other people have problems too. But I swear I had an appointment with an Occupational Therapist today and the stuff she was asking me was unreal. She kept questioning me on money and had I savings and how did I pay for college and why wasn't I a chef anymore. She saw the disabled parking disc and I told her twice I had an auto immune disease but she still asked me why i wasn't doing it. I told her I just did a degree and told her my results and she never really said it was good or anything. Then she started asking me what i did every day after I told her it's only been a few weeks since I finished exams. She wanted me to join a day group with people who have mh problems. I said do these people go to college and work and she said no that they find it hard to get through the day. Then she started on that it had to be my fault that I made no friends in college and I was self isolating. I said I went to college every day and go out every day shopping and go on holidays and everything and she wouldn't listen but was convinced that I was the reason people didn't speak to me. I told her over and over that i had tried to talk to people and that there was 3oo people in some lectures and that the smaller classes were a bit better but she said oh I bet you were the only one alone while they were all in groups. I basically left and came home and cried my eyes out. After all the hard work I put into my degree I have to listen to someone like her tell me I am a freak more or less. I don't deserve and I'm furious especially asking me about money.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
I am so sorry she said those things to you. I would be furious if someone had said those things to me too.
You aren't a freak. Not everyone has huge circles of friends, not everyone goes to uni/college and becomes a social butterfly. I have only ever had a couple of friends, I learnt a number of my fellow students names when I saw them graduate.
Are you seeing her again? What are your thoughts about joining the day group?
I was feeling pretty good about myself after getting three firsts in my exams then she dragged me straight down. I don't know if I want to be around her again tbh and I was told all the people in the group were like me but they aren't and when I was in hospital I was told they would help me but the same team gave me a horrific time of it. Asking me about money though, Jesus like how is that anything to do with her and trying to make out why I wasn't working. How was I supposed to work a 50 hour week and hold down full time degree with all my problems. I should be told well done for what i have achieved not been made to feel like dirt. She plain out said it was my fault I had no friends and that I rang the nurse every day. I didn't know I was bothering the nurse or that it would become symbolic of me as a person. I thought it was accepted and that she was ok with it. They must have been talking about me and said I was some kind of hermit or something. i do the best I can considering how sick I get. Like I thought doing a degree would show others that i had some kind of ability. She has no right to be such a bitch and it's not the first time I have come across this. One doctor told me I would never have kids or a normal life. I was also verbally abused by another nurse. Some people think they can treat others like dirt.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
It's not right at all. Some of them think they can speak to patients however they like. You're still a person though, you deserve some respect. And these are the people being paid to help.
It's really strange but nobody has kind of said well done or anything to me after doing so well in college. I went to the career guidance man and he was very pessimistic towards me and even when I told him I was published he said it was hard to get a job in writing. And he wasn't really keen on postgrad even though i was getting over 70% in English. I don't get it, what do people want from me? I can't give anymore and yet I get nothing back from anyone. I am proud even if nobody else is. Don't get me wrong he was a lovely guy but he didn't seem like he thought I had any real future in Post grad and now I think they might not want me in that college. Usually they would be begging students to do the courses but I being told not to stay there.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
Sorry to ask again but what will I do with the OT cos she texted me today on about going to the cinema next week. I don't want to be rude but I just ignored her. I don't think she is a nice person nor do I want to spend time with her at any stage in the future. But if I refuse the group the nurse won't let up about it. i feel I am trapped and yeah I am very isolated but I do not think the group is for me. I don't feel so unwell that I can't socialise or do things. I feel ok only that nobody talks to me.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
You mentioned that you were very lonely and isolated, but you're turning down an opportunity to go to the cinema with someone - those things sound contradictory. I guess it depends on which one upsets you most.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
I wrote above about how bad the Ot was who is in charge of the group. She attacked me about having no friends and asked me about my bank details. Why should I put up with her ***** just cos I have MH issues? She said the group was to give people purpose, if I had any more purpose I would have to be strapped down. i am highly motivated only that nobody speaks to me. I am not going to be hemmed in by a category and a person who is not very nice to me. I met the woman to give it a go and I came away very upset and cried when I came home. Why would I share my mind with her? I would gladly go to the cinema of it was with someone nice and someone that was half humane.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
I understand that the organiser upset you but you might meet someone you could be friendly with. One of the benefits of the cinema is that if you wanted there can be limited interaction with them as you'll be watching the film but it gets you out of the house.
I don't want to join the group at all and when I was in hospital the other patients ousted me to the point where I had to leave. They even spoke about when I used the toilet. I have been through hell and I am not letting myself open to more of the same. I don't want to put myself out there and I know some of the patients I met will be in the group. People reading my threads don't get it. Nobody speaks to me and they are using the fact that I have Mh problems to say that is why it is happening.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
Another reason I forgot to mention was that they said they wanted to watch me interact with others. I am not a guinea pig for these people.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
Feel very tired and drained and realise maybe I am not able for work at the moment. I am a bit scared of the future.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
I'm alone and feel unsure about what to do next with my life. Today was my last session with my counselor after three years. I found it very hard knowing I won't have that support. Today has been a really tough day and I feel so low and unhappy. I just wonder why I am getting such a raw deal and other people have it much easier than me. I found out a girl getting high grades in my class got a lot more support than me from the lecturers and they heled her with her options for the future while nobody ever mentioned anything to me. Why am I ignored while all these other people have love and support. All I have ever been is nice to others and all I get back in return is nothing. I don't want to feel this pain anymore.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
My phone is off today cos I feel so sick (don't know if you got my text) I had to get up to eat something just now. I'm sorry you've had a tough day too. Hope tomorrow will be better for us both.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
