Yeah that's a good idea. I guess it's not as hard as it seems, when I just think about what is required of me.
I found an old e-mail that said I would do a lot of tasks by mid-May and I hadn't done them so I see why he is angry. I had obviously forgotten I set that deadline. So I feel bad about that but all I can do is learn from it.
I'm a bit peeved because I asked for two weeks to compile my database and he said I should have it done this week "because I've ha a lot of time up until now" and it's not going to be finished this week.
How much of the database can you get done this week? Any progress is progress, it can be daunting when you say I need x long and they reply with while I can only give you y. Thoughts of I can never get in done it that time can be counterproductive but thinking more along the lines of ok I might not get it all done but I may as well see how far I get with it.
I got into a terrible habit of not wanting to show my supervisors things until I was completely happy with it, which I never was. Showing them stuff mid way through seemed to give them more confidence in the fact I was working on stuff when I said I was.
Yeah I've done that in the past too. I'll be showing him whatever I have on Thursday. I should be able to get some some, I can't quantify how much but I'll be spending the evening and afternoon Wednesday working on it.
I guess it's hard to shake the idea that I can't do it, but I'm still trying. I feel like I'm not letting myself believe I can do it but I guess I'm not yet sure I can.
There is no shame in doing it part time, I've had to drop back to part time too. Remember adjustments aren't there to punish you but to level the playing feel so that you are able to fulfill your potential.
Depression fatigue sucks ass. Have you mentioned this tiredness to your doctor? Last month it had me in the pits of despair but a minor tweak to my meds helped it lift enough for me to start putting things in place to improve my mood.
I know there is an enormous amount of pressure on you right now but remember to look after yourself. Regular meals and drinks, some down time before going to bed, take breaks during the day if you need. Acknowledge what you have been able to do and treat yourself accordingly.
I think the tiredness is coming from the fact I'm under the weather with a cold right now on top of how frustrating it is being depressed. Regarding medication I have just come off a mood stabilizer and we're trying another avenues so I'll see how it goes.
Sarah those are some good tips in that last paragraph there, thank you.
And Carmen you're right it isn't set. I think I'm just more worried about how this lady perceives me. But she did say it wasn't that I lacked ability.
*sigh* I bet they wish they never let a mess like me into the course.
I haven't gone to my required recruiting today because my cold has got even worse. Seeing a doctor I don't know but hopefully she can give me a certificate for my supervisor to know I wasn't just slacking off. I feel like trash physically.
Hope you feel better soon, being ill sucks when your mood is low.
I doubt they regret letting you on the course. Things have gone a little awry but you will get there. If not I'm sure you are destined to succeed and make a difference somewhere. You have certainly made a difference to my darkest days.
I am still feeling quite unwell and as a result won't be able to work on the database to get it finished by the deadline of today. So I'm going to have to tell him I've been too unwell but I have been working my hardest (I ha medical certificates to send him). I'm petrified of his response.
That said I found out he has a file that recodes 100 bits of data into the correct format but he never sent it to me, so I've been doing it by hand this whole time. The students who he did send it to couldn't believe I was doing it by hand. . No wonder it's taken me so long.
That is annoying, can you get him to send it you asap, I hope he takes note of the extra work you've done to try and complete the task.
I had to tell the supervisor I don't get on with that I haven't done something this week because I've been too ill and was really worried about his response too. Hope he is sympathetic in his reply.
Another student provided me with the task. He wrote back and said "I have asked you a dozen times if you had this!" Which is not true at all. I just have to shake my head. I can't win.
He hasn't replied to me about not doing the task but I'm not holding my breath for compassion.
I was supposed to present my research at a meeting next week but they told me the wrong time so the real time clashes worth a counseling appointment. It looks like I might get an extra week to do this presentation at least, because I'm nowhere near being close to doing it.
I've taken today off. I can't deal with it, it's Saturday, and I'm going to the football I just want to have some down time without thinking of Him. I'm likely going to uni Sunday evening to work on it after Father's Day celebrations.
I had similar difficulties when I was in school, and have had episodes where you just feel consumed. Something that I recommend, and something that is kind of silly but worked for me, is to really intensely focus on why you are doing this.
What I mean is, you had to pick those courses, you had to have had some motivation and desire to get your degree. I am guessing that the reason you made it to where you are today is because of a level of passion, so try to really think about that passion and focus on that. It is so hard having tough teachers and people that are not conducive to your learning style, but it sounds like you are doing this for the right reasons, remind yourself that you are.
Sometimes for me thinking about why I started something in the first place gives the little energy boost I need to get refocused. I hope that the same happens for you. Like that person said, you absolutely have the ability, its tough, but you have the work ethic and drive to pull through and be better than ever as a result
Thank you Em. That is just what I needed to hear and I will sit down and really think about where I want to be. I know that even though this week has been so tough I started to wonder if I should leave the course, I don't want to. I want to finish and get my qualification and work professionally. I met someone who did a similar course tonight and just talking to her about it was helpful, like you say to reignite the passion. Remind me of why I want to be in that role.
Thank you, thank you all for helping to prop me up and get through this difficult time. Without you I'd be flat on the floor in despair but you really help me see past my stress and see positive views.
