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Old 12-10-2014, 05:26 PM   #38621
in_BPD_hell
 
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There may well be.. But there not enduring what I am constantly



I don't understand myself... I'm searching for the person I am, and the person I want to be..

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Old 12-10-2014, 08:00 PM   #38622
fragile as glass
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maybe not but perhaps if you shift your focus to your blessings rather than your struggles you may feel differently.



GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE
THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE


Don't let the sphincter's get you down


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Old 12-10-2014, 09:33 PM   #38623
in_BPD_hell
 
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I don't have any blessings. My life is crap



I don't understand myself... I'm searching for the person I am, and the person I want to be..

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Old 12-10-2014, 10:10 PM   #38624
Kyaneos
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Can you walk? Do you have food to eat and a bed to sleep in and clothes to wear and clean water to drink?

I assume you have internet which is a blessing in itself.

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Old 12-10-2014, 10:49 PM   #38625
fragile as glass
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well said ^^

I hate myself and find my life hard and although my ability to walk is going (I now have a wheelchair which I sometimes have to use) I have my own place, some awesome pets and a fiancé I love. I have no family, not much money and poor health to name a few but its the positives that keep me from killing myself, that keep me going. Thats what I mean.



GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE
THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE


Don't let the sphincter's get you down


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Old 13-10-2014, 07:10 AM   #38626
in_BPD_hell
 
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Sorry



I don't understand myself... I'm searching for the person I am, and the person I want to be..

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Old 13-10-2014, 01:22 PM   #38627
Kyaneos
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No need to be sorry, just sometimes its hard to see how many blessings we truly have that we take for granted each day unless it is pointed out to us when we feel we have nothing.

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Old 13-10-2014, 07:52 PM   #38628
Bleeding Angel
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Sorry I have not been around, not been at mines for the last few days. First day back at work was a total disaster, pretty much spent most of the day in tears i couldn't cope with it and broke down a few times. I know people think its stupid or whatever and i can do my job as i've done it for over the last year. But perhaps because i've been away for a while and considering everything else thats been going on and how i feel, i just panicked badly. Pretty much took all of the beta blockers i could by midday but i don't know if they did anything at all. It wasn't just that, it was the fact as well we all changed shifts and teams and its tough, change is tough and trying to get into the place for 7am is tough. Not to mention when i did make it in apparently I'm not in a team or have a manager and speaking to three different managers to chase this up and getting the same rubbish response of we will chase this up and nothing. Then i get marked as being off sick in the afternoon when i was in the place and having an extra half an hour lunch just drags on. I just feel like im losing it and i dont know what im supposed to do, i know this is part of the whole bpd thing that when you feel things it feels 100 times worse and yeah it does it really does and i think i forgot that.

Its got to the point people notice im not myself but its hard to try and act fine when your not (plus its always nice to be upset around strangers who give you strange looks and blank you, least when people i knew sat near me i got told to cheer up, just not that easy tho). Believe me its not like i want to sit and cry all day at work and be upset, god no i dont want to be like that. But i cant control it, how i feel, the anxiety and then trying to think if i should be at work or not. I wanted to leave so badly earlier but if i leave i still need to come back and face it so either way i cant win but im too afraid to do anything because i dont want to be weak and give up but if i keep pushing myself i dont know what will happen.

And for the first time i actually self harmed in work because i was too upset and had to do something. I really dont know anything.





"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"


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Old 13-10-2014, 09:33 PM   #38629
Doikers
Louder Than God's Revolver and Twice as Shiny
 
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Mari , That doesn't sound stupid at all *Hugs* Sorry I kinda have to ask if your injury requires treatment and are you keeping it clean?
I totally understand how you feel , I've broken down in front of people I don't know before :(



I'm still not comfortable in my skin and the anasthetic's slowly wearing thin - Otep
Everyones lost but me! - Indiana Jones

It's okay , they know me here .

Kahlia1981 is my adopted little sister :)


''Courage doesn't always roar , sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow"

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Old 14-10-2014, 01:13 PM   #38630
Doikers
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How are my Threadlings today?



I'm still not comfortable in my skin and the anasthetic's slowly wearing thin - Otep
Everyones lost but me! - Indiana Jones

It's okay , they know me here .

Kahlia1981 is my adopted little sister :)


''Courage doesn't always roar , sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow"

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Old 14-10-2014, 04:43 PM   #38631
fragile as glass
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Saw my bowel surgeon and it's time for major surgery. C is being grumpy again. If I behaved like that he would berate me. Feel fat and ugly, genuinely need to lose some weight.

*hugs mark*



GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE
THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE


Don't let the sphincter's get you down


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Old 14-10-2014, 06:37 PM   #38632
Doikers
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Is your surgery soon , Liddy? *Glomps* I need to lose weight myself , it's hard , Grrrrr.



I'm still not comfortable in my skin and the anasthetic's slowly wearing thin - Otep
Everyones lost but me! - Indiana Jones

It's okay , they know me here .

Kahlia1981 is my adopted little sister :)


''Courage doesn't always roar , sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow"

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Old 14-10-2014, 09:17 PM   #38633
in_BPD_hell
 
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Sorry bout thd survey.
I need to lose loads of weight too



I don't understand myself... I'm searching for the person I am, and the person I want to be..

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Old 14-10-2014, 09:36 PM   #38634
fragile as glass
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i have to wait for a date now. yeah time to stop fu*king around and make up a meal plan and stick to it.



GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE
THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE


Don't let the sphincter's get you down


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Old 14-10-2014, 10:48 PM   #38635
in_BPD_hell
 
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Oh my... Predictive text fail - surgery not survey! X



I don't understand myself... I'm searching for the person I am, and the person I want to be..

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Old 15-10-2014, 08:13 AM   #38636
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Morning all ,


I had the worse sleep ever tossing and turning am not really tiered for college :(






i won't ever give up on you xx

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Old 15-10-2014, 03:47 PM   #38637
fragile as glass
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in BPD hell, i guessed it was a typo, lol!! I'm a wee bit nervous, this time they are cutting me open inside, argh!

Hope you sleep well tonight run with scissors. sorry girls i have had a brain freeze and forgotten your names! xx



GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE
THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE


Don't let the sphincter's get you down


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Old 15-10-2014, 03:58 PM   #38638
Doikers
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I Hope you sleep well tonight Chrissy *Hugs*

in_BP_hell, I dislike predictive text for that happens a lot*Hugs*

*Glomps Liddy* I really hope the surgery helpps a lot , You suffer too much with your innards :(



I'm still not comfortable in my skin and the anasthetic's slowly wearing thin - Otep
Everyones lost but me! - Indiana Jones

It's okay , they know me here .

Kahlia1981 is my adopted little sister :)


''Courage doesn't always roar , sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow"

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Old 15-10-2014, 05:09 PM   #38639
in_BPD_hell
 
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Oh dear... Why is that they are doing the surgery? Hope it helps. There must be a good reason. I'm sure you'll be fine
Yes predictive text sucks!



I don't understand myself... I'm searching for the person I am, and the person I want to be..

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Old 15-10-2014, 06:38 PM   #38640
Bleeding Angel
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Liddy dont worry too much though when i had to get metal plates in my ankle even though it was not major surgery i was still terrified. It was a nice little sleep while it lasted though so im sure it will be fine.

How is everyone else?

Really tired as the 7am starts are kicking in now, because im still stressed in not sleeping much and two more days to go. Though i tend to go to bed at 9pm and need to be up for 4.30am and out the house at 5.30am. Yesterday and today was better at work as finally got put in a team and at least my friend was in the same team so im not on my own. Also had a chat with my new manager as my old one had mentioned stuff about me to him. Surprising thats the second manager thats told me they have depression and attempted suicide guess its more common than i think. I guess at least my manager is being supportive in a way but at the same time its all going to change again in a few months probably but who knows what will happen by then as i can only think day to day right now.

But many people have depression, how many people have bpd? It would be easier to say to people yeah i just have depression but to say yeah im borderline is 100 times worse because of the stigma. Or because the first thought is attention seeker and stay the hell away and even the mental health profession is like that as well. I guess the sad fact is im afraid to let people know because its so stigmatised compared to other disorders and i dont want to be judged or be told im attention seeking esp because im panicking in work quite a bit and tearful sometimes and i dont want to be accused of that.

Thanks mark but i have never been that bothered about taking care of wounds and such, i will live though but i dont want to get to the point of doing it in work again.





"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"


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