Grief...my family thinks I should be over it by now

[Lynn134]

Grief has been a long and difficult road for me that has lead to many problems. I have been diagnosed with complicated grief as circumstances surrounding my grandmother's death has effected the healing process. It has been 4 months since my grandmother has passed away and my family is concerned form and feel as though I should be over it by now. I was extremely close to my Grandmother. She was there when my parents got divorced and watched us when my mom had to work. She was there when my mom was emotionally unhealthy and I was emotionally abused by her. She was there when my brother physically abused me. She was the only stable person in my life that I could trust and depend on. She was like a mother and a father to me and now she is gone and I don't feel like I've only lost my grandmother, i feel orphaned. No one understands this. I'm tired of my family telling me to "pull myself together" or "just cry and you'll feel better" or "be grateful for all the years you had with her" or "I think Satan is attacking you". I have had anxiety attacks and have been going to my dr and seeing a counselor and getting help. But I can't stand how unsupportive my family is...even though they lost her too. I'm seriously ready to change my phone number and not tell anyone...lol

[bitomato]

Hey Lynn,
Grief impacts people in different ways. And not to be worse- but for some people it is weeks/ months and some people it is years. All of the things your family is saying are generally thrown at people with any sort of mental health issue- but cutting yourself off from your family completely is not always the best solution.

What I can agree to is the positive memories- do you have a photo album or something to help you remember good experiences with your gran? You are different from your family, and you may have to adopt a kind of internal answering machine- to get process and delete the negativity you are getting from your family.

They may be worried about you and think that they are helping but sadly they aren't. Would you consider letting some of them hear from your doctor/ counsellor. Even if not continue to access that support. Being the grandchild that your gran loved and loves is the safest way to get through.

Hugs.

[Lynn134]

I'm not planning on cutting myself off completely, I just need some distance until I am more stable. My own counselor won't even let me go to my hometown to visit my family for fear of me regressing further into my grief because of how dysfunctional they are. We all lost someone important and I just wish they'd stop expecting me to just get over and not go through the grief process at the pace that I need.