from my journal this morning:
my mind is so messed up and conflicted right now. and with each day i am isolating more and struggling to speak the truth.
i emailed T last night (key worker at home).
i want to talk and be honest but I also need
to get out of here to kill myself.
her response was that I'd make the right decision in the end.
I dont know what I am doing anymore. I dont even think I care.
I had to really force myself to go for a walk yesterday - it was tough, really hard... but i had to whilst it wasnt raining so i could post mjs bday pressie. the walk didnt help my mood like i would have hoped either
today I rate my mood as 1, yesterday and the day before it was a 2 (on the scale 10 being the very best..)
I cant even go to group. and yes I know it's important I go but I really cant be around people right now. hiding is easier and so much safer. if I'm alone, no one can hurt me you see...