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Old 27-04-2012, 03:04 AM   #1
little mermaid
clamshells for castinettes.
 
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: never never land.
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haven't been here forever

I hate being a recovered anorexic.
I so horribly, guiltily, want to be an anorexic.
That is so difficult to admit. I'm sorry to throw it out here, after so long an absence and none of you may even know me. I just hate so much that I wish I were still sick.




Blessing all the birds that died so I could live
be a woman, be a woman


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Old 27-04-2012, 06:38 AM   #2
sapphire hearts
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Honey, I know how you feel. When you've had your mind tell you over and over that you're only ok if you're thin, it's natural to want to go back to it, no matter how much help you've had, or how unhappy you were when you were in the throes of it. You're doing so well, not succumbing to it.
Do you have any professional help atm? Someone who can help you deal with it?
PM me if you want to chat.
Katie xx



Ask me mistakes I have made
Ask me whether what I have done is my life

Others have come, in their slow way -
And some have come to help, or to hurt -

Ask me what difference
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Old 27-04-2012, 08:32 PM   #3
Morpheus
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
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Hi Lianna

You have no idea how much I can relate to this. However, i think the important thing is to keep remembering what you are giving up when being anorexic. anorexia doesnt come without cost. Most importantly, you are giving up your health as well as social relations, your happiness etc. Anorexia isolates you and it wont ever make you happy.

I know how tempting it is to go back, believe me but you need to remember the bad things about anorexia. maybe making a pro and con list will help you? It forces you to focus on the bad things instead you just all the glorified things your mind chooses to remember.

This is an illness that doesnt just go away and it sounds like you are still struggling a great deal even though you consider yourself recovered. Do you have any professional help? if not, maybe it's time to seek some. It is horrible to go through these things alone and you deserve help. I am glad you chose to reach out on here even though you havent been here for long. you dont have to go through this alone.

Anna



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Old 27-04-2012, 10:50 PM   #4
Droplet
 
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Hi Lia,

Lovely to just see your face around again though of course I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I agree with Anna, and that although we can want the anorexia back we can't want everything that comes with it (or rather everything we lose with it).

You're very special. Remember that.

Are you up to much at the moment? How is life treating you otherwise? Is there anything that helps? I don't know if you still write?

Lots of love and many hugs, Miranda x



The Mole was bewitched, entranced, fascinated. By the side of the river he trotted as one trots, when very small, by the side of a man who holds one spell-bound by exciting stories; and when tired at last, he sat on the bank, while the river still chattered on to him, a babbling procession of the best stories in the world, sent from the heart of the earth to be told at last to the insatiable sea.
Wind in the Willows.


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Old 04-05-2012, 05:54 AM   #5
little mermaid
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Anna-- thank you, and you're right. There is so much more to lose than there is to "gain." I don't understand why all of that can feel so irrelevant.I've been out of 'care' for about six months but maybe I'm not ready.
Miranda-- hi <3, and I hear you, my life otherwise is as close to perfect as it could. so many reasons not to go back. Still, you know?
xoxo and so much love yo each of you.




Blessing all the birds that died so I could live
be a woman, be a woman


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Old 04-05-2012, 09:37 PM   #6
Morpheus
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
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Is there any way you can get back into care? it sounds to me like you could need more support right now.

I really do understand how you are feeling though. I am an recovered anorexic and tbh i miss being sick, i miss being skinny, I miss being who i was back then. However it is so important to remind yourself how horrible it also felt to be in that place, how out of control you were, how physically unwell you were.

I know it may seem irrelavant when your mind is all caught up in the illness but it is important and you need to remind yourself over and over again of the bad things.

And I can promise you that you are beautiful, wonderful and perfect as you are. you dont need to go down that road again. It will only make you miserable.



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