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Old 17-04-2012, 06:55 PM   #141
needle girl
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do you still have a carer with you? if so try tellin them when youre really unsafe? you need medical treatment for your hurts?

not a failure or weak, not at all. try to remember no matter how much or what you do to hurt you, that isn't gonna shut the voices up permanently. thats all it wants, is for you to hurt you n believe bad things about you. *puts arm around you*

hope the meds help. can take a bit for them to kick in, and you might not respond well to this one- don't give up if this one doesn't work, theres lots of others out there your doc can try for you. first one i was put on didn't work.



Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief



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Old 18-04-2012, 10:48 AM   #142
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i do still have a carer with me, ok i will try and tell her when not feeling safe. but they getting worse and worse the are, its getting to hard to fight them now. just listen to them do what they want? dont feel safe at all.
my hurts did need medical attention *nods* but now the voices want me to destroy all that, im trying so hard to fight them but i dont think i can anymore.

*cuddles into you* they keep saying im evil and satans child and that i dont deserve to be helped and loved by anyone. its true isnt it? i got the devil in me, just wripping me apart bit by bit.
want tablets to work dont want to be like this anymore it getting bad it getting so bad no more please no more, stop please stop
*curls up rocks and cries*

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Old 18-04-2012, 02:54 PM   #143
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I have no words.
But I'm here.
x Katie x

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Old 19-04-2012, 12:34 AM   #144
needle girl
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glad got your hurts treated. ok, glad have a carer with you still :) could you gather up everything that can be used to hurt you and give it to the carer? if need to use somethin for non s.i., carer would know you have it n can help you be safe with it. i know there's no way to completely eliminate the possibility of hurtin self, but can get the most dangerous stuff out of your reach, for now.

no hun, not evil. everyone should be loved and helped. i don't know what your religious beliefs are, don't need to say unless want to. i don't believe that satan has any children; he's an evil angel, and angels don't procreate, as says in the bible. so def not his child.

voices jus want you to destroy yourself. not supposed to listen to them, no matter what sayin or how loud. (i understand caving in, not bashing you, i've done it lots before!) wish i could make it stop. *hands you tissues n gently snuggles* have you considered counseling or therapy? if you want to, there's a possibility it can help. if you don't want it, it won't help- have to work with the counselor/therapist.



Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief



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Old 19-04-2012, 10:04 AM   #145
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im in a terrible place right now, the voices have intensified so much and my mood is so low ive had enough now. i dont feel at all safe and im scared. my carers taking me to see the doctor again today as she's really worried about me, ive told her i dont want to go, dont want to leave the house cause its not safe out there, but she said she would drag me to the car. she doesnt get it its not safe out there, they will get me they will. voices keep saying bad things going to happen.
im scared this all feels bad, my head feels like its going to explode so much pressure, they doing this to me they controlling everything now.

im trying not to listen to them but its so hard theyre there all the time getting louder and louder. theyre telling bad things are going to happen if i see the doctor and talk to anybody, they say im only safe here.

im on a waiting list for counselling and therapy just dont no how much longer ive got to wait.
i wish you could make this stop too cause i dont no whats real and whats not anymore, im so confused.
*snuggles into you close* why are they saying this why wont they leave me alone, i gotta make them stop

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Old 19-04-2012, 04:15 PM   #146
needle girl
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probably been to doctors by now, how'd it go?

i say the same thing, that my friend doesn't understand, i have to do it. even now, heads quiet but tiny part of me still thinks when told to do somethin, gotta listen. i know thats irrational, illogical, not true. sometimes remembering that normally, or in the past, i've known its not true, helps me to fight it.

i know this all feels so real, its scary. it's not. everything they're sayin is a lie.

listening to them won't make them go away. may give temporary quiet, but isn't the solution. *hugs close*



Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief



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Old 21-04-2012, 10:18 AM   #147
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everything all wrong, i all wrong. the voices have taken over, they to intense and strong cant fight them anymore.
i didnt make it to the doctors because i had to run away, they told me to run told me to get away, they told me doctor were bad and wanted to hurt me, they kept saying it over and over. so i ran away.
my carer and police found me last night they took me to A&E and made me talk to someone, wasnt ment to talk not alowed too voices say bad to talk, they wanted to admit me but they had no beds on the psych ward so i came home.

voices here constantly cant escape them cant distract no more they here all time wont go away, have to do what they want? be good
i dont like this at all i want it to stop
please make it stop, when will these tablets work? i want to be better
*curls up in tight ball*

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Old 22-04-2012, 09:15 AM   #148
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im in a real bad way and im really struggling to fight now.
i cant cope with them anymore i really cant
they want me dead they do, they saying bad bad things
im feeling really unsafe and im scared
just want them to stop just stop now please

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Old 22-04-2012, 07:06 PM   #149
needle girl
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no, don't have to and shouldn't listen to them hun. try to remember that as real as voices seem and as scary as it is, they're not actually real. theres no person saying those things. theres no one thats going to punish you or do anything to you. nothin they're saying is true. talking about it, lettin doctors help you, thatll help you recover. hang in there jo. it will get better. might take some time, but it will. *snuggles gently* if you're about to do somethin unsafe or run away, try to talk to your carer. try to do some nice things, relaxing things. every little bit helps.



Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief



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Old 23-04-2012, 10:22 AM   #150
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oh Anna i feel so muddled up, they seem so so real and its so hard not to listen to them and do what they say. its getting harder and harder, if i dont list they get louder and more intense so i do what they want just to get some peace. but the peace only lasts minutes now before theyre shouting at me again. why do they feel so real? why do they stop for a bit when i do what they want?

i try so hard to fight them but ive got no fight left, im exhausted and so tired. i cant sleep because they dont ever stop, im not eating because they tell me that food is bad and it will poison me. i just want to curl up and die cause i cant take this anymore.

i need help dont i? i should let my carer and doctor help me?
omg voices screaming at me now saying no no no.
im sorry theyre screaming so loud cant think, need them to stop
i dont want to run away again i dont please stop
they say i have to stop talking now they angry
im sorry so sorry

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Old 23-04-2012, 05:50 PM   #151
needle girl
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yes, you do need help and need to let the carer and doctor help you, and whoever else they say needs to help you. please please tell your carer how bad it is hun. as you've said, they won't shut up but for a few minutes; it doesn't matter how much you listen, thats not gonna make it stop. what will make it stop/nearly stop is medical treatment and fighting it. fightin against the bad things they say about you too. *snuggles gently*

i've never thought about why they seem so real or why quiets when do what they're saying. i dunno. i'll be thinkin bout it now, maybe talk to my friend. good questions.

no need for sorry jo, you don't want this to be happening, you haven't made it happen. maybe show your carer this post, to tell her how bad it is? you can only go so long without food and sleep before you start to get ill. *hugs*



Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief



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Old 24-04-2012, 10:26 AM   #152
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*nods* need help ok.
they getting so much worse and i lost it lastnight and hurt self bad trying to make them stop, but they didnt even stop for a few minutes this time. why did they no stop? they kept screaming at me for more, its not enough for them now not enough.
after i hurt and carer found me i showed her these posts and she going to print them off and show doctor today. she was shocked and didnt realise how severe things had got.

i got to go see doctor? doctor will make me better? im scared though so scared voices say bad bad things about doctor, keep telling me to run away cause doctor bad and wants to hurt me. doctor dont want to hurt me does she? she make me better.

i dont want to be like this anymore, i want them to stop i do. they want me to hurtself again, please no more please, make them stop make them stop, they screaming and shouting at me, no more please
*curls up banging head*

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Old 24-04-2012, 04:27 PM   #153
needle girl
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proud of you for showin the posts, i know its not easy! yes, you def need to see the doc. need help, this is too much for anyone to handle alone. yes, doctors will help you, not hurt you. thats their job, they put lotsa money and time into becoming a doctor.

such a big time difference by the time i make it over here your days already half-over n probly been to doc already. dunno if you've seen doc or when you'll read this...if readin this before see doc, tell carer if about to hurt you or run away hun. isnt gonna make the voices be quiet. lettin people help you will get the voices to quiet down.

*puts pillow behind head n puts arm round you* you're so strong jo. you'll make it through.



Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief



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Old 26-04-2012, 09:33 AM   #154
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really really struggling
i cant do this no more
i dont like this medication it makes me like a zombie
im sorry just cant find words today head bad

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Old 26-04-2012, 03:45 PM   #155
needle girl
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can take a few weeks for side effects to subside. make sure to tell doc. if it doesn't get better, you'll prob need a different one. *hugs* can't always find words. ask for help hun, carer knows now how much youv'e been struggling. hopefully she'll be checkin to see how you are more often.



Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief



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Old 27-04-2012, 10:02 AM   #156
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i really hope it doesnt take a few weeks i do i cant handle this, im like a zombie but the voices are still so intense and loud, they wont stop they shout and scream at me morning noon and night and i cant fight them anymore.

they were so bad last night i had to do something to try and make them stop, just for a bit, but it didnt work they never stopped and nowi got big bad hurt. my carer told me off for hurting self and not waking her, she heard me trying to sort cut out and got up. she then stayed with me all night talking to me trying to distract from them.

shes sleeping now and im not feeling safe the voices are loud so loud, but i dont want to wake her because she been up all night. but im scared the voices getting so so bad i need to make them stop, how much hurt will it take for them to stop for a bit? i dont no what to do, i cant cope with them.

im sorry for posting i just feel scared and alone

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Old 27-04-2012, 10:34 AM   #157
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Your carer is there for you Jo, please go sit with her if you need to, she won't mind, that's what she's there for. If not have you got a blanket you can wrap yourself up in or a pillow you can hug. They can be your safety things and you can hold onto them so you feel a bit safer.
Have you told your carer you feel like a zombie? The meds might be able to help if you can just deal with being a bit zombie-ish for a little while.
*Sits with you*



You can't lose hope when it's hopeless.
You gotta hope more,
then put your fingers in your ears and go,
"Blah blah blah blah!"


I miss you Pip ♥


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Old 27-04-2012, 10:46 AM   #158
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*sits with you*
i should wake her up? she wont be mad at me will she?
im curled up in my blankie holding eeyore but voices going mad at me, need to make them stop *bangs head* im scared and i dont feel safe. they want me to do bad things to self, cant deal with this no more.
*rocks*

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Old 27-04-2012, 11:05 AM   #159
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She's there for you Jo, and if you need her, you should go wake her up.
I'm glad you've got you Eeyore with you, he'll keep you safe :) Keep hugging him, and if you feel you need to hurt yourself, just hug him tighter.
Is there anything you could do to distract yourself? Drawing or watching TV or playing some games on your laptop?
I'm Lanny by the way :)



You can't lose hope when it's hopeless.
You gotta hope more,
then put your fingers in your ears and go,
"Blah blah blah blah!"


I miss you Pip ♥


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Old 27-04-2012, 11:11 AM   #160
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Jo <3
Lanny's right; if you need to wake your carer you should. She's there to help you but she can't do that if you don't tell her when things are bad *hugs* She won't be mad at you darling.
Is there something you can do to let bad feelings out? Write them down or draw something. If it'd help you can rant/vent in an email or PM to me to get the feelings out. Remember; the thoughts to hurt yourself are only thoughts...they don't need to be acted upon. You are strong honey. I promise you can get through all this and things will get better for you.
*massive hugs*
x Katie x

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