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Old 19-04-2012, 11:15 AM   #21
fawkes
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I don't think you are pathetic at all Aimee. This is such a horrible thing to go through. And it is hugely confusing when we struggle with it in ways we're not so comfortable with. You know as well as anyone it's to do with the feelings, thoughts etc and less about a diet. You're not a coward. Your posting and reaching out and trying and that takes a huge amount of courage and strength.

Can you maybe have a lot of fruit (grapes apple slices maybe carrot sticks too) at hand so that if you are eating "just because" atleast it won't be stuff that
Ales you feel worse emotionally.

I'm sorry I can't be of more use but you really are not alone. *cuddle*

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Old 19-04-2012, 11:38 AM   #22
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Aimee you are not pathetic or a coward at all.
You are doing such a good job. Ritzi is right, you are showing a lot of courage and strength. You are definitely not alone.
Sorry I don't have more words.
Thinking of you
Ash

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Old 19-04-2012, 11:41 AM   #23
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Ritzi is right Aimee, you aren't weak or pathetic. You are going through a hard time right now but you are still giving life a chance by trying to get yourself out of this otherwise you would have given up the minute the thoughts came flooding back.






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Old 19-04-2012, 12:05 PM   #24
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If someone else were in your situation, would you think they were weak? or a coward?

I actually think it's sensible that you're not 'dieting'. Right now, you need to focus on the root causes of what's causing you to feel like this, not, try and 'fix' a symptom (one that we both know, from personal experience, can be very risky to try and 'fix' because it doesn't actually need fixing).

It's also important to try and remind yourself that everyone eats more than they should sometimes, and that's ok. It doesn't mean you need to try and balance it out, or 'make' it 'ok'. It just means that you ate a bit more than you normally do. Try to acknowledge that, and then focus on the now. Have you done Mindfulness in any of your therapies at any point?






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Old 20-04-2012, 06:00 PM   #25
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How are you today Amiee? I see you have been stuggling a bit. It's good to see you have good distraction in place to help you get through. You are beautiful and despite all you struggles you were still able to help out other peopl such as myself. Thank you so much. You can get through this. I know how you feel, your not alone in this. But I know you can get through it stay strong hun *hugs*



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It's learning to dance in the rain

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Old 22-04-2012, 02:55 AM   #26
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Hey Aimee,
How are you doing today?
We wanted to check in and see how you were doing?
Zurich is right you are a beautiful and kind person for supporting others when you are struggling so much yourself.
Hope you are taking care,
Ash

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Old 23-04-2012, 08:39 PM   #27
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love, you are not weak or a coward. you are a beautiful, kind, loving, brave, strong, loved, smart fairy girl xo




I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away


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Old 24-04-2012, 06:23 AM   #28
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Thank you all.

I had my graduation yesterday. The event I've been worrying about with my weight. And while there's a few photos I can stand to share I still look at them and think I look.... disgusting. An all new level of disgusting. I think of myself now and I think of myself with how I viewed myself, and it's so unpleasant. I feel huge, like I take up such a large amount of space in the world.

It's raining. This time of year is really triggering for me.


& Dash, thank you, yes I have done mindfulness before. I really like it.

Thanks for the responses and checking in on me, I appreciate it a lot.

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Old 24-04-2012, 07:33 AM   #29
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Hey Aimee,

How did graduation go?

I'm sorry to hear you feel so uncomfortable with your weight.
Remember photos add weight too. I bet you didn't look disgusting at all.
I can relate to a lot of what you are saying and I'm sorry. Sorry I can't be of much help, but I am thinking of you and sending warm thoughts your way.

It's horrible when seasons/weather are triggers. We hope it stops raining soon. It's raining here too and it's cold (well cold for here).

Thinking of you and hoping you are ok.

Ash

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Old 25-04-2012, 12:23 AM   #30
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Is this time of year contributing do you think?

I'm sorry you are feeling so awful Aimee, I wish I had more to offer tonight, but I am sending my love. <3 xx

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Old 25-04-2012, 09:10 AM   #31
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Thinking of you.
Ash

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Old 25-04-2012, 09:32 AM   #32
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Thank you all. I really appreciate you being here for me. I feel bad replying because it bumps up my post but I don't want to ignore your kind posts, either.

Yeah, the time of year does contribute a lot to it. Most, if not all, of my past admissions and/or suicide attempts have happened in the beginning of autumn. The leaves and such, while pretty, remind me of being in hospital which brings back painful memories.

I want to ask my Dad if he'll help me pay for some food package thing, like lite n easy where they give you the food for a week. But I'm scared cause I don't want to bring it up, and he's unwell so doesn't need the stress of the money. But at the same time if this continues I'm going to risk getting worse and not caring, and giving up on life. Plus, I should be old enough now to know how to feed myself, not need someone to give me food.

Thanks again x



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Old 25-04-2012, 09:56 AM   #33
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if you think something like the lite 'n' easy thing will help you get better you should definetly ask your dad about it soon. I get that it will be hard because you don't want him stressing but I think you should give it a try. worst comes to worsse he says 'No' you just try to earn some money to pay for it or try a healthy diet for a week..
I'm sorry I'm not much help, but glad to hear your going alright at the moment, hope things get better soon.
Sending you hugs and hoping things look up. Take care Aimee. xx



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It's learning to dance in the rain

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Old 26-04-2012, 04:34 AM   #34
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Lovely Aimee, it is nice to see you around again I just wish it could be in happier circumstances.
*hugs you tight* I think if you know in your heart of hearts you know that the food package will help you and so you should definitely ask. You know sweetheart all our parents want to do is help us. Invariably every time I bring up with my mum something that has happened to me which I earlier kept secret through fear of worrying her she says, " I wish you had told me earlier so I could have helped you" Let your dad help you now.

Why do you feel so bad about your post being bumped up? You need and deserve support as much as the next person Aimee.

Well done on graduating, that is an incredible achivement! Just to let you know, I'm a PM away if you ever would like to chat.






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Old 26-04-2012, 07:09 AM   #35
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Aimee,

I'm glad your thread got bumped up because you deserve the support as much as anyone.

I think the lite 'n easy idea is a great one and you should definitely try it if you think it will help.
I agree with Zuri and Kiran that your dad will want to help. I hope you do ask him.

Sorry this time of year is contributing. Its hard to ignore all the leaves and the weather.
Just out of curiosity where are you from?

Thinking of you.

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Old 26-04-2012, 10:59 AM   #36
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Thanks Zuri, appreciate it a lot. Thanks for the hugs and support.

Hey Ash,
Thank you. I'm in Victoria :) Thanks for replying, I know you're struggling now too so it means a lot to me you took the time to reply.

Kiran, lovely to see you again too. Thank you for the kind words.

I will ask try and ask him, but not now. We just had a fatty fat dinner and it would feel silly. I'll keep it in mind though, maybe tomorrow or next week.

I'm really tired.

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Old 26-04-2012, 11:59 AM   #37
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Hey Aimee.

I'm in Vic too. Are you in Melbourne?
No worries, I want to be there if I can.

I hope you do ask him, it could be a real help and less of a burden having to cook your own meals or eat something you aren't comfortable with.

Sorry to hear you are tired. Early night?

Thinking of you
Ash

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Old 26-04-2012, 12:42 PM   #38
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Hey Ash,

Yeah I'm in Melbourne. Maybe I'm remembering wrong but I think we discussed this back when I was Aimee in Wonderland, but I don't remember where you are from, just that you're Victorian like me :)

I asked him. It made me feel so self-conscious. But he said he'll help me pay for it so I have told him I'll get back to him with details on Monday (when he is home next). I made it specific that I'd get back to him then cause I feel awkward bringing requests up if I've already asked them. So hopefully by saying we'll discuss it Monday I'm inclines to follow through.

For the first time in a long time I feel hope. Like soon I'll be proud to step out of the house and people will think I look nice. I don't know if this feeling will last, but it feels like I can achieve this now. That maybe I don't have to kill myself.



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Old 26-04-2012, 11:52 PM   #39
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Hey Aimee,

I'm in Melbourne too.
We probably did have this conversation before, sorry. My memory can be very poor.

Sorry asking him made you feel self-conscious but we're so proud of you for asking, good work on making a date to talk about it again.
That's great that he'll help you pay for it, great!

I'm so glad you feel hope. That's wonderful. I'm so happy you are feeling better about it all.

Remember we're all here if you need.
Keep us updated on how it's all going.

Take care
Thinking of you
Ash

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Old 27-04-2012, 12:00 AM   #40
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Aimee love, I'm really glad you asked and he's going to help you out. I hope it helps more then anything too.

I hope you do continue to post and reach out. You are just as deserving as anyone else. <3

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