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Old 14-04-2012, 04:08 AM   #1
Crazy Psychotic Screwup
Ryuzaki's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: your mom
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I feel horrible. I've been 2 months free, and before that a year. Last year I realized I was addicted to cutting and stopped. But after that I started smoking and then 2 months ago when I quit that for my vocal health all I did was want to cut again. Last November I got professional help but now it doesn't help and makes me feel worse. I don't know whats causing me to do this. My life's going great. I'm graduating high school I have friends and a decent home. Sure my parents make fun of me and so do some kids and my friends criticize me. But I have teachers who support me and help me. Even today I had a great day. I saw the 3 friends who don't criticize me and I love them to death. Plus I made a new friend... Yet now I'm sitting in my room crying my eyes out with a bandage on my wrist and I just want this addiction to be over.

How does it feel, knowing your barely alive
See through bloodshot eyes, your left empty inside
There I was, strung out and drug through the mud
I must agree, you're just like me.

And when you die,I won't be at your wake
No eulogy from me,Just a smile on my face
And while God might be busy,With judging your soul
I will have slept with the girl,that you loved most!

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Old 14-04-2012, 07:13 AM   #2
Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On
lilmissjay's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan, USA
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I can relate to a lot of what you said and I know how hard it is to break an addiction, but you've been able to go a year one time and two months another time which shows that you CAN get through this even if it does take longer then you'd want it to.

You said you are getting professional help, what has happened to cause you to feel worse and for it to not help?

Also, there could be so many reasons as to why you have turned to harming and sometimes there doesn't really have to be a specific reason. If you don't mind me asking, why did you start cutting?

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Old 15-04-2012, 09:40 PM   #3
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Join Date: Jan 2007


I'm sorry to hear things are so difficult for you at the moment. It sounds like you are being pretty hard on yourself, feeling that because certain areas in your life are going okay, meaning you shouldn't be self harming. Unfortunately even those with the most perfect lives, can still struggle because self harm is an addiction/illness etc and so is the depression that quite often comes with it.

Could it be that you feel the therapy is making things worse because you are dealing with some very difficult issues at the moment? I know that sometimes in therapy it can seem to make people worse before they get better because when you a tackle a really core issue it hurts.


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Old 17-04-2012, 12:32 AM   #4
a mirror that reflects it
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Upstate New York
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do you have specific goal set in regards to the professional help? sometimes having some goals can give you more direction in your sessions, and help them be more effective.

you're doing the work for it to be over. it is tedious. it is painful. but if you don't do it, you will be stuck in this addiction forever. stick with recovery. perhaps you can think back on what motivated you in the beginning, and see if you have any new motivations.

this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.

The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.

PM me anytime, I love getting messages :)

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