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Old 14-04-2012, 07:29 PM   #1
Cacoethes
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emotional coldness

Not really sure how to start. Not good at putting things into words right now.

I seem to have become very emotionally cold. Like I don't care about anything.
For example: someone read me a story in the paper about a woman who fell off a cliff and got trapped or something. My first thought was why was she so close to the edge, thats a bit stupid.
If someone asks me why I'm crying, I can only describe it as a physical reaction to thoughts.

It's not that I don't feel emotion, because I do. Emotion just isn't really registering.
I'm wondering if this is maybe part of the transformation, or maybe something else?

I will use this space to say also, that I havnt been able to support people much recently for this reason. On here and in real life, which I usually try to do but its becoming impossible.

What is wrong with my brain?



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 14-04-2012, 09:08 PM   #2
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I've always described emotions in physical terms. If someone asks how i am (unless i say fine) i will usually describe something physical such as cold or tired or something.

I've always struggled when professionals ask me how i feel to tell them, like the crisis team once asked me how i know when im getting depressed and all i could tell them was that i sleep less and get a bad tummy etc etc when there's so much more to it but i just couldn't describe it.

I don't know why i do it either or how to change it because unless i'm in the moment i'm not entirely sure how to describe any emotion.

Is it a bad thing? Does it affect things in a negative way for you?

I've just learnt to use the physical triggers to help me determine how i feel at any one time, especially when im particularly dissociated or whatever.

Might this help?




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Old 14-04-2012, 09:37 PM   #3
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I do understand what you are saying, because I get stomach pain with anxiety, but this is different I think.

It's just that I don't seem to care about anyone.
The nurse described in some detail what I did and how i hurt that person a couple of years ago, and when I've always felt terrible about it, this time, I smiled, almost laughed.

When I went on my walk last night, I thought about how easily I could kill someone, because it was dark. And well, why the hell not?
I'm sure I'm becoming more like this person by the day.

At risk of running into the thread I have in GSA, I'd rather not talk to the staff about this. I have the child protection meeting soon, and I don't want them thinking I would hurt her.



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


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Old 14-04-2012, 09:43 PM   #4
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I'm an emotional void and I'm similar to Mrs Sam in some respects. I don't feel emotions (unless they are extremely extreme) but I can identify physical things about myself that indicate what I'm feeling.

For me, the reason it developed was that it was a protection mechanism to help me stay safe and tolerate life better. Is it possible it could be something similar for you given how difficult and stressful life has been for you? Potentially maybe aided/caused by a med change/adjustment? It's very common for meds to have this 'side effect' too.

I guess I'm saying I can relate. I do a lot of supporting of people but don't feel like I actually care, but then the way I act must indicate that I do.






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Old 14-04-2012, 09:54 PM   #5
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Could be a defense mechanism. I'm sure thats what the psychologist would say if I told any of them.
My life has been rather stressful recently. but I'm not on meds, one of the meds I had previously been on caused me to be unable to cry. But I can still cry at the moment.



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


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Old 15-04-2012, 06:25 PM   #6
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i now what you mean, last week i was told we were going to have to leave our rented bungalow and i was gutted but it just turned me into a non responsive, staring into space quiet weirdo. i was just numb.

annoyingly i had two family meals that weekend i just hope no one thinks i was being grumpy or rude.

for me it is a mild form of dissassotiation which is a protection mechanism but at least these days i know what it is and can stop my self (sometimes) from staring into space.

maybe just mention it to someone if you feel its a problem.






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Old 16-04-2012, 07:02 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pink Freud View Post

What is wrong with my brain?
There is nothing 'wrong' with your brain, unless you believe there to be something 'wrong' with it. Why should you care or react to events which haven't affected you in any way?

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Old 16-04-2012, 08:36 PM   #8
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Thankyou ferretmonster and comatose.
It just seems like the 'normal' reaction to have, to be upset about something like that.
I do a therapy called MBT, and we were talking one session last week about PD'S getting upset about things like a shopkeeper being rude to them. Everyone in the group could relate to that. I couldn't. I really couldn't care less if someone im not likely to see or remember seeing is rude to me. But everyone was saying how much it affected their day.



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 16-04-2012, 11:08 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pink Freud View Post
Thankyou ferretmonster and comatose.
It just seems like the 'normal' reaction to have, to be upset about something like that.
I do a therapy called MBT, and we were talking one session last week about PD'S getting upset about things like a shopkeeper being rude to them. Everyone in the group could relate to that. I couldn't. I really couldn't care less if someone im not likely to see or remember seeing is rude to me. But everyone was saying how much it affected their day.
From what you say, it seems like you are less bothered about what people you don't know think of you (than the majority).

Do you not think that this is a 'positive' attribute?

If I were you, I wouldn't worry. Use it to your advantage.

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Old 16-04-2012, 11:24 PM   #10
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I can relate a lot to what you're saying. I think for me, but I don' tknow about you, i sthat I've shut off from feeling so much. I've been in crisis about 3 times already this year, and I think I've just shut off from it all to not deal with it, which would make sense because I have DID, so I'm guessing it's just a part of that and how I deal with things. I can't cry anymore, even though sometimes I lie there and I really want to and I'm crying in my head, but I'm not in real life. I sometimes think horrible things about hurting people and I just find it funny, or when my partner is talking me out of hurting msyelf I just find it funny that I try and kill myself so regularly - which I know objectively is mental, but in real life, my head is just not screwed on to it.

I think it may be a coping mechanism. You feel to much so your body shuts off mentally. I'm sure the brain is capable of that, that's how some people manage to survive trauma and things. xx

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Old 17-04-2012, 09:51 PM   #11
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Comatose, I think that is a positive attribute, yes. But it just throws my diagnosis into more doubt. The doctors and people that do MBT make so many statements that 'pd's feel this and ]that' and it doesn't relate to me at all.

Dollypop, that's pretty much how I feel. I spoke to one of the therapists (though not about this exactly) and she said she was 'concerned'. Its so funny when they say that.
Yesterday I was writing in my diary. I just let the writing flow. I said last night in my diary that I needed to see blood, but not my own.
I nearly went out. But then remembered there are cameras here so I wouldn't have an alibi.
I don't fancy going back to a forensic unit particularly, and it would guarantee that my baby would be taken away.

Sorry, getting distracted by my own thoughts....



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Old 19-04-2012, 04:06 PM   #12
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i used to be exactly like this.

i began to empathize and feel more when i was started on risperidone. beginning to feel again was, i'll admit, a little unpleasant. i'd gotten so used to just being apathetic to everything, feeling again was a little annoying. odd, i know.

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Old 19-04-2012, 04:39 PM   #13
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Quote:
i'd gotten so used to just being apathetic to everything, feeling again was a little annoying. odd, i know.
I found this when I came out of feeling like this before when I recovered from bulimia.

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Old 19-04-2012, 07:44 PM   #14
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Rispiridone was the first anti p I was ever on. It knocked me right out and made me quite aggressive, but I was 13 which may have meant it had a worse effect.

People have started to notice that im being like this and I have been described as 'heartless' today. I thought I had been managing to fake empathy/sympathy quite well. Obviously not.

Anyone have any tips on, well, feeling?
I have a big meeting on Tuesday and can definatley not appear heartless.



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Old 20-04-2012, 11:57 AM   #15
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The only thing I think will work is if you work with a therapist on it. There's obviously and underlying problem causing you to be the way you are, and for anythign to change it likely needs addressing. I don't think there's a way of snapping yourself out of this, I don't think it works like that, and it's difficult to fake caring when you don't. I don't know, sorry.

sorry i couldn't be of more use.

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Old 20-04-2012, 08:20 PM   #16
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Thankyou DollyPOP for your replies :)

I think I do need to talk to a therapist. It's a bit hard to talk to the same therapist though. there are psychologists here all day every day but on different shifts all the time, and its hard to get into a good pattern.
I may have to talk to them and arrange something or other.

I also find it very difficult to talk about things without getting side tracked, which is an issue.

Thankyou



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Old 20-04-2012, 10:46 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pink Freud View Post
Rispiridone was the first anti p I was ever on. It knocked me right out and made me quite aggressive, but I was 13 which may have meant it had a worse effect.

People have started to notice that im being like this and I have been described as 'heartless' today. I thought I had been managing to fake empathy/sympathy quite well. Obviously not.

Anyone have any tips on, well, feeling?
I have a big meeting on Tuesday and can definatley not appear heartless.
risperidone was the first anti-psychotic i was on, too. it's odd that it made you aggressive, because i found it had the opposite effect on me. i used to have really violent mood swings and it helped calm them down. but i'm currently being weened off it to introduce a new med, so we'll see how it goes.

as for pretending to be empathetic, i always found this very difficult. not so much as pretending, most of the time i found that easy, it was just getting lost in the pretence. now i'm just left having no clue who i really am because i was a different person with everyone. i find the whole eyes wide, sympathetic, "are you okay?" approach is the best. or if someone starts talking about something on the news they saw that you know is meant to evoke a sympathetic reaction in you, just be like, "oh my God, that's terrible." it sounds horribly callous when i put it down like that, but it's the truth.

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Old 21-04-2012, 09:10 AM   #18
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Hope it goes ok with the new med.

I did used to do that, but when I don't mean it, the whole 'are you ok' sounds really fake. I used to be good at it.

It's getting difficult to know when I'm supposed to give a reaction like that anyway.
Maybe I'm becoming more like this other person, but its not even like a person, its like a robot.



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 21-04-2012, 11:32 AM   #19
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sometimes just don't do it maybe? I don't. I hardly ever ask that i just try to brush it over. I'm just not one of those people you go crying to, maybe you're not either?

x

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Old 21-04-2012, 04:48 PM   #20
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Maybe.
It's quite annoying, some patients at the place where im a day patient come to me about issues, and some of them, if I act like I don't care or brush them off, I could get punched in the face (sounds dramatic but I'm not exaggerating)

I'm just going to have to find new ways I suppose?



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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