Live Help


Forum Jump
Post New Thread  Reply
Old 15-04-2012, 01:34 PM   #1
Leni
 
Leni's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Nowhere
I am currently:
What does it achieve?

I really hate that I ever harmed myself. It's more than 20 years since I first cut myself, I don't remember exactly why. The feelings though ... anger, rage, hate, they're still around, some of the time at least. It was a release; my mind was so crushed by those feelings I needed to get them out, and it became the only way. It's circular. I do it to release the venom, but it creates more and then I feel more hatred of myself for being a dysfunctional screw-up. It's been quite a while since I harmed myself, but I find I want to do some serious damage today. Because I can, because I hate myself, because ... I don't know. I feel like crap. It's not going to help though. Several hours feeling **** in A&E, more scars, etc, etc. It achieves nothing.



And the illusion of love is the only promise of defence, and even that will crumble.

Leni is offline   Reply With Quote
3 Hugs Given By :
Old 15-04-2012, 04:08 PM   #2
Backfromthebrink
 
Backfromthebrink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: England

I'm sorry you feel like hurting yourself again.

I'm not sure what to say, but try and remember what you've just written when you feel tempted.

I guess that was the turning point for me, when I started to wake up and realise that despite it helping for the moments I was doing it, there was more negative coming of it than positive and I was just fueling the cycle further.

But it's still difficult to listen to that side of things when all you want to do is hurt yourself.

Please just remind yourself of what you've said.

Backfromthebrink is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15-04-2012, 06:39 PM   #3
Tig
 
Tig's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
I am currently:

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. It sounds like you are having a really tough time right now.

I don't think there is much I can add to what BackfromtheBrink said.

I think it's good you can recognise that it won't achieve anything because you are right, it won't.

I hope things improve for you soon though. x



Never give up on giving up


Tig is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 15-04-2012, 08:10 PM   #4
Celticroots
 
Celticroots's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
I am currently:

Iam sorry you want to hurt yourself. I used to cut but now bruise myself but I can relate to your post so much! When I first started cutting, I didn't know why I did it, except that it was a relief.

Even though I hit, I wonder the same thing. Sure it helps when emotions are building up inside, but the relief never lasts. Once the high is worn off, I feel so angry that I harmed again, and the urge to want to hit comes back.

Now I wake up with bruises and sore legs and pain when I walk. Barely touching the bruises hurt and they look disgusting. I think why can't I handle difficult emotions like normal people? Why did I ever start harming? Are a few seconds of relief worth anger, shame, and days of pain?

Celticroots is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-04-2012, 02:19 PM   #5
Leni
 
Leni's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Nowhere
I am currently:

Thanks for taking the time to reply, I appreciate it. I'm feeling like a total ****-up today. I haven't harmed, but I want to. I don't know, I'm too old to post here, I can't relate to most of you, and you probably can't relate to me. I've been on a mini-high for a few months, I guess that's over with and I have to deal with it.



And the illusion of love is the only promise of defence, and even that will crumble.

Leni is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16-04-2012, 08:42 PM   #6
Tig
 
Tig's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
I am currently:

I'm sorry you are feeling so rubbish today. Well done for not self harming, despite the urges.

I don't know how old you are but you are never too old to post, though I appreciate it is nice to receive age-relevant advice. Would you find posting in Veterans Support more helpful?

x



Never give up on giving up


Tig is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 16-04-2012, 10:19 PM   #7
Leni
 
Leni's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Nowhere
I am currently:

Sorry if it seemed like I was criticizing your replies, it's not that at all, it's more a general thing I feel with my age (mid-30s) not this thread. I am under control, sort of, just maybe feeling a bit paranoid. I'm not comfortable asking others for support, I don't think anyone on here knows who I am ... but I think I have posted too much about myself recently and I'm not sure it's safe to. I can delete things though. Is it okay to delete posts because of paranoia? I'm not going down the road of harming again, I can't cope with it again. It'll just open up a whole can of worms that I really, really do not need. I need to get this stuff out of my head.



And the illusion of love is the only promise of defence, and even that will crumble.

Leni is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Members Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Censor is ON
Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 01:17 AM.

Back to top