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Old 15-04-2012, 02:16 AM   #1
throwyourpunches
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Showing Scars in public?

I'm ready to change my life for the better and one of the first steps I've taken is putting dangers of self harming away. I didn't exactly... have the 'heart' to throw it away? Uhm, so yeah.
I just got a new swim suit with my friend today... we're gonna go swimming and skim boarding in about two weeks. I have scars on my shoulder, stomach, and both thighs. I'm really. REALLY scared of showing them but I might just wear shorts...
I feel like showing them is a way of saying that I survived, and got through a battle with life... but I'm scared.

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Old 15-04-2012, 02:27 AM   #2
lilmissjay
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Hey, showing your scars can be a scary thing to do because you aren't sure how people will react and so on. One thing you could try is maybe bringing the shorts with you just in case or wear them at the beginning then take them off after awhile until you feel ready. Also, if you are wanting to show them they I say you should do it no matter what people do or say. It shows a lot of strength and courage to take that step.






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Old 15-04-2012, 07:54 PM   #3
afraidtogetbackup
 
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Hey,
I started cutting almost four years ago. I've been free for a little over a year and just got rid of my "tool" in June, maybe July. During all the times I tried to stop before, I just couldn't get rid of it. It's like when you can't have something you want it more. Plus, it gave me a sense of security because if I was desperate, it was there. Then, its a bigger accomplishment if you can do something but choose not to. When you are ready, you'll know and will be able to get rid of it.

Chances are unless people are looking for them or have ever had any experience with self harm, no one will notice. Even if they do, most people won't say anything. Plus, sometimes covering up is more noticeable than showing. I think if you are ready, go ahead an show them because it really is a way to say that you survived, you had a struggle and you lived through it. However, It is terrifying. I just started wearing shorts and tank tops during the summer last year and no board shorts when swimming in October. I discovered that unless people know they are there, they can't see them. They are just noticeable to me because I know where they are.

Although I was on dance team and had to wear shorts sometimes so i did. No one ever said anything during practice or after. One day I did forget to bring pants or capris for gym class and one person asked what happened to my legs...it was a "friend" too and I just said "oh nothing" or something like that and tried to forget about it and pretend it didn't upset me. Then during Prom season two years ago, I had cuts on my shoulder and arms. I wore gloves with one of my dresses ( I had two proms with a majority of the same people within in two weekends so I reused a dress and got a new one). I took the gloves off to eat and someone started saying something, but then stopped. The next weekend, one of my friends asks, oh did your cat do that too you? I just answered yes. Previously she had asked about other cuts somewhere and I blamed it on my cat because at the time he still had claws and she has seen him scratch me before.
Anyway, people won't ask if they do notice them unless they are clueless to the situation so if you don't want to tell them you can easily blame something and they won't be the wiser.
If you are ready, long story short, I think it is a great idea to take that next step and show people.
Take care.



I can fly, I can fly among the clouds
All I need are a pair of wings,
outside help, and a little faith
You are valuable, don't let anyone tell you differently.

Love Gives Me Hope


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Old 15-04-2012, 09:33 PM   #4
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Hey,

It's understandable you are scared to show your scars but I found that it's surprisingly no where near as scary as I thought it would be, once I was out there.

I hope that it works out well for you. You shouldn't have to be ashamed of your body.

xx



Never give up on giving up


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Old 16-04-2012, 11:37 PM   #5
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I agree with the others, it's understandably scary, but the first time I ever went out, one little old lady looked and that was it. I then went and sat in a very open and very public library for three hours, and not once were they mentioned or noticeably looked at. Once you've gone out there, you honestly forget that they're even on show :)





Just keep plodding onwards.

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Old 17-04-2012, 12:19 AM   #6
throwyourpunches
 
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Thank you all SO SO much for the support!
But my scars are EXTREMELY noticeable. Especially on the front of my thighs. Their pretty noticeable on my stomach and shoulder but not as bad as my thighs. What if I were to wear short shorts and everyone saw and judged them? They're VERY noticeable...

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Old 17-04-2012, 12:31 AM   #7
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Depending where I am I don't cover up my arms in warm weather eg. in town, on the beach and never in my own home unless I am cold or someone very important is coming and doesn't know or I have fresh scabby/bleeding cuts. When people ask me I just say it's self harm and I've never had a bad reaction yet. The usual response is "are you getting help for it"? Then I change the conversation. The one time I would definately cover them is if I knew I was going to be close to young children so I have a few light weight long sleeved tops and cardigans but most people are more accepting than you think and if not and they are adults, well, then that's their problem as far as I am concerned.

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Old 17-04-2012, 01:35 AM   #8
DontLookUp
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Hey, that can be really scary, and i'm proud of you for going for it even though you are scared. Like others said i think its a good idea to bring shorts in case you get uncomfortable and especially if that is where you think the scars are most noticeable. Also tbh when your swimming and moving scars don't really show, and can't be focused on. Also i know you say they are very noticeable but the truth is people aren't that observant especially when they are busy swimming and having fun or don't know you. And if they did see the scars its most likely they won't ask about them or think much about. So try not to worry too much and take it slowly and whatever you feel comfortable doing.



♥ .I'm going to fall like I don't need saving. ♥
...My smile's just the armour I built when I was alone...

There was some part of me that hurt so badly, that I wouldn't ever be able to forget it.
It faded but the memories could bring it back any second, keeping me in the moment.
It would never fully heal. I could never really be free. I could never really be fixed.
Now I just have to work out how to live whilst being broken.
I feel like I'm dying.


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Old 17-04-2012, 04:20 AM   #9
throwyourpunches
 
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Thank you guys so much(: You've made this thought way easier to process and think about. Haha.

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Old 17-04-2012, 12:50 PM   #10
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I understand that feeling of "but they're so noticeable..." Mine are as well. It terrified me and I absolutely categorically 100% believed I'd never manage it. But I eventually plucked up the courage to show my housemate, and she told me that they weren't even that bad. Of course I think she was playing down a bit to make me feel better, but honestly once I went out once, it was so much easier the second time, and the third, and the fourth... and so on. It does get easier each time. You'll be with your friend so you might feel a bit more comfortable not being by yourself, and it might help just to have a funny excuse up your sleeve in case. I always look forward to the prospect of telling people I got on the wrong side of a demonic porcupine in mating season :P But alas, still nobody has asked.

You will be fine :) Try to think of it as their problem rather than yours. That's what my mum advised me, she's been wearing her scars on show for years and has only ever been asked once. And her scars are even worse than mine.





Just keep plodding onwards.

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Old 18-04-2012, 11:45 PM   #11
throwyourpunches
 
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Something quite... 'upsetting' just happened. I was wearing a shirt with shoter sleeves than normal, giving my "not-being-ashamed-of-my-body-and-scars'' thing a try. Well, my mom saw my shoulder and said, "When did you do these?" and gave me a look like I was some dissapointment. I want to cover up and cut and sleep and not wake up. It really triggered me..

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Old 19-04-2012, 03:15 AM   #12
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I'm so sorry hun. I wasn't even thinking about giving advice about showing in front of parents...I ended up telling my parents that when they make a big deal about it, it just makes me feel worse because then I focus on it and know that I've let them down even more. Try telling your mom that the best thing for her to do is not mention it and assure her you'll talk to her if you need/want to? It took awhile for my parents to actually do that and trust me to go to them, but eventually they ended up realizing that bringing it up and specifically asking about my scars didn't help anything.
I'm sorry you're feeling that way. You aren't a disappointment, but I know where you're coming from. I think the majority of us have felt that way. My advice would be to find something you love to do, and get relief from that. Or take a nap. *HUGS*



I can fly, I can fly among the clouds
All I need are a pair of wings,
outside help, and a little faith
You are valuable, don't let anyone tell you differently.

Love Gives Me Hope


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Old 19-04-2012, 05:03 AM   #13
throwyourpunches
 
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Thank you so much! I ended up not slipping up. And that sounds like a really good idea on how to approach a parent with the topic. Thank you all sooo much!

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Old 21-04-2012, 11:54 PM   #14
afraidtogetbackup
 
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Congrats for not harming!!! : )



I can fly, I can fly among the clouds
All I need are a pair of wings,
outside help, and a little faith
You are valuable, don't let anyone tell you differently.

Love Gives Me Hope


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Old 26-04-2012, 08:24 PM   #15
ReleaseTheory
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I used to go to great lengths to cover all my scars. About two years ago, though, I decided the hell with it. I was scared to death, and it took a long time for me to get used to the questions, the comments, and the staring. I'm better about it now then I used to be (I even have a wonderful made-up story about how I got the scars that I say as sarcastically as possible on my bad days because it at least puts a smile on my face for a moment).
That said, if you're planning on running out there with minimal clothing on with all your scars showing at the same time, just make sure you understand that even if you feel like it's a way to show that you survived, not everyone is going to take it like that. Be prepared for all sorts of comments and looks. If you don't think you're prepared for that, there's no shame in covering them up until you are. There's no sense in putting yourself in a potentially triggering situation because people may say or do things that upset you.
Good luck, and be safe!

~Kris

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Old 27-04-2012, 06:18 PM   #16
yxzy
 
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Well, i do it all the time, and no one seems to say anything unless it's a person i know who know i cut and they say "Wow Gabe cut AGAIN."



"I don't know why i cut myself, god, give me a sign or help, i won't cry, it'll be fine, ill take my last breath, push it out my chest, till there's nothing left."
------------------------------------------------------------
Hollywood undead

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