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Old 15-04-2012, 03:16 AM   #1
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Join Date: Oct 2007
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Trying to help a friend.

Long story short, i used to self harm (& this website used to be my safe haven) & this went on for a number of years. I've been free for about 2 years now but recently got told my a close friend from work that she self harmed.

She asked me to not tell anyone as i also work/am friends with her sister. However tonight she was so so drunk in a club that she couldn't walk. She was lay on the floor of the toilets telling me to **** off and calling me a bitch/worse words.

She was so bad & wouldn't let us help her so my friend called her mum to drive her home (she genuinely couldn't stand up and wouldn't let us help her). Now we managed to convince her to leave (unbeknown) to walk her to her mums car. She thought she was walking home and told me that she'd been cutting loads since her break up with her ex & said that even if i stayed at hers she'd do it when i fell asleep.

Even though i didn't actually call her mum i took full responsibility for it as i didnt want her to be angry with more people. she thought i'd told her mum & sister everything. I didn't. I told them to keep an eye on her (but they thought just because of the drink). She's text me numerous messages since about how i've betrayed her, how i'm a horrible person and how she cant trust anyone and was right never too.
I now feel absolutley vile.

I haven't text back as i'm not sure it would help. I didn't betray her/at least i didn't mean too. I just couldn't have left her alone like that. No real friend could have. ever.

I'm sorry this is drunk but i need some advice/reassurance i've done the right thing :(

"I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay"

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Old 15-04-2012, 04:02 AM   #2
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Hey, I know it's hard not to think this because of your situation, but you definitely are not a horrible person. Like you said above, no real friend would have left her there and you were doing the only thing you could to help her. Yes, she may be angry with you right now or even for some time to come, but sooner or later she will hopefully realize that you never meant to betray her trust. Perhaps you could give her a day or two then text her or try to talk to her about this so that you can tell her what really happened. I hope things get better for your friend and please know that you did the right thing. Take care :)

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Old 15-04-2012, 09:32 PM   #3
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Hi Jane,

It sounds like you were put in a very difficult situation and acted for the best interest of your friend, even though you knew it had potential consequences for you. You were and still are a true friend to her, please don't feel guilty for what you had to do because you did have to do it.

I agree with lilmissjay that perhaps the best thing to do is leave it a couple of days before replying. You don't want to end up in an argument and it sounds like that at the moment your friend is unable to see why you had to get her Mum involved. In time she will calm down I'm sure and see that you were only being a true friend.

I appreciate how upsetting this must be for you though. Getting nasty texts is always really unpleasant, especially when your intention was never for that person to get hurt.

Take care of you too,

Lottie x

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Old 17-04-2012, 12:41 AM   #4
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for what it is worth, i think that you did the right thing. i do think that you should let your friend know that you didn't tell her mom about her harming and weren't the one that called her mom, although i don't think that you need to name who did, as i don't see how it would help anything get better. you could even say that someone working at the bar called i guess. i don't see any reason that you need to take the brunt of her anger. it isn't helping either of you.

i'd give her a day or two to calm down....

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