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Old 10-04-2012, 11:07 PM   #1
Frail Existence
Wide awake.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: United States
I am currently:

Its SO... I dont even know! It frusturates me. The whole.... everything of EDs is frusturating but I cant not do it.

Everytime I go in public I look at who is skinny and I compare myself to EVERYONE. I cant help it though. Even with my own family I am starting to get conscious bout my weight. Again, cant help it. I dont wanna be like this but if Im not then Ima be fat.

Since middle of January I have recovered from ED meaning tried to and I gained weight. I only did it forONE specific person... I finally reached what she wanted me to be which was a healthy weight and I telll her and all I got was a "Good job. Proud of you!" **** that now. She wanted me get ****ing fat. :( Pisses me off. I tried SOO ****ing hard for konths and she didnt really give a ****. felt VERY discouraging. Not saying I wanted her to be all over it and like throw a party but... I dunno. I feel and am ****in fat and... I just want to like burn it all off.

Pointless thread i guess but just needed say it.

These kicks take me far away my dear;
Far away from myself
Far away from my troubles
Far away from heaven

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Old 19-04-2012, 04:57 AM   #2
needle girl
in this needle and haystack life...
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: USA

i compare myself to others lots too, conscious about it with everyone. more so with those outside family.

is good that was able to gain weight n get to a healthy weight. that shows that you can do it. friend shouldve been more encouraging n stuff when you reached a healthy weight. its a matter of wanting to for yourself...difficult.

anything that helps isnt pointless :)

Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief

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Old 19-04-2012, 06:35 AM   #3
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: arizona
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i understand how you feel too. i am constantly comparing myself to others, especially my sisters. i also gained weight after i went into treatment. now i just feel lousy and hate how i look. i know the weight i'm at now is better for me but it's frustrating as hell. i hope you feel better and know that venting is never pointless. pm me anytime. ;)

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