Contains Abuse - Thank You, Ryder.
Not sure if this is where this goes. It's positive, that's a fact. And it's about my recovery. Well, it's a letter I'm writing to a VERY important person in my life. I just felt like sharing this with RYL. :)
Though we are very young, you changed my life so much that I know things will never be the same again... and luckily, for the first time ever, things have changed for the better.
Before you, I was severely depressed, suicidal - I was a complete mess. And honestly, when we first met, I couldn't stand you, and I'm positive that you couldn't stand me either. But that night at the fair when we put the nonsense down and talked to each other like normal people, without arguing, I just felt something I never have before. I knew then and there that you were someone I wouldn't let myself lose.
Not long after we began talking like true friends, I told you about my past - how I had been sexually abused day after day, and I still see the guy's face every morning at school. I broke down in tears as I told you, because I admitted it to you when I was struggling to admit it to myself. I expected you to be overwhelmed, really, to think I was far too much to deal with. But instead, you cared for me when no one else did. It took me a long time to convince you not to hurt him, because if you would get hurt I would've lost my mind and blamed it on myself. I don't want you to worry about him - he'll get what he deserves one day.
But the thing that really surprises me is when you accepted me after I told you about my SH problem. You're the only person I actually told, because I just felt like I could trust you - and I was right. And instead of slowly backing away after I told you, you told me that you love me and that you don't want to lose me. I told you I love you as well, and I meant it with all my heart. Nearly six months later, I still feel the same way about you as I did on October 23rd, and I can tell you do too. When I'm struggling to keep away from the razor, you stay on the phone with me until I'm calm, regardless of the time or what you're doing. You tell me I'm beautiful even when I'm at my worst, and you do things every day just to make me smile. Because of you, I'm actually making a great effort to stop cutting. And with your love and my will, it's working. I do relapse, and often, but I know I'll make it through this. I will, for you. I promise.
I love you.