I wish it was easier to type on here on my phone. It doesnít help that iím doped up to double vision. Iím really distressed. Yesterday the doctor said i could have 5 minutes unescourted time at the door. Me and the nurse knew it was a bad idea but i have to be making progress. I did lots of research and headed out for Ď5í minutes when i knew there would be a train leaving the station. I had to go onto another train after that to get to a station where my research told me i would be on time for a passing high speed train. A police officer phoned and i didnít answer. A nurse i trust phoned and left a message and i called back because i trusted her and i was near my destination anyway.
Unfortunately i heard a very fast police car with its sirens when i got off the train and i walked to the other side of the platform where the high speed train was due but they got to me. Once they had put me in their car the train passed. :( i should be in pieces. I want to do it tonight but iím not allowed off the ward now and thereís always someone watching the corridor. The staff on tonight are unhelpful. The nurse i spoke to yesterday is going to be on the night shift and might speak to me again as i think she said she would. This is all so traumatic and hopeless. I cannot do this!