I managed to phone the informal crisis team and spoke to someone. I really don't think I can manage at home for much longer. The person I spoke to thinks I have a good enough relationship with my CPN that she'd understand that if I asked for an admission I definitely need one because I don't really ask for anything. It would be better for me to go in early, like my plan is supposed to be, so that I don't end up doing something really serious and then ending up being admitted. I just want to be ok, at home. But I don't think I can be ok at home right now. I'm concerned about worrying my brother though. I wouldn't tell him exactly what is going on but he'd have to know if I was in hospital.
I sleep mostly ok if I stick to my routine, it's just that it's so long until I can go to bed and the waking hours are agony right now.
The potentially harmful thing is probably fine. I will know in up to 48 hours supposedly anyway. I will mention it to my CPN tomorrow if I get the chance.
My friend's cremation is tomorrow and I don't think I'm going to be able to make it because it's early and I really need to be able to answer the call from my CPN. I know my friend would understand though. Hopefully I can do something else to remember her, I think the people who don't live close are doing a wave of light.