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I work as a carer in a home for the elderly. I've been off for 3 months after an OD and am now in the process of going back. Its filling me with major anxiety anyway. But i've just found out some of my mandatory training needs topping up. The first thing i'm going to have to attend during the process of returning to work is SOVA training. Which is safe guarding of vulnerable adults.

I did it when i first started and it triggered me badly. I couldnt stop crying and had a panic attack. It contains videos and discussion of various abuse situations including sexual abuse. I feel so stupid, because my situation is completely different. This is older people. I was 8. It wasnt even bad. I feel so stupid for letting it bother me.

I had a meeting with my 2 coordinators yesterday to discuss my return, thats when i was told i would have to do it. One of them knows about my history. I told them i was scared of it and didnt want to go. They asked me what they could do to make my return easier, and i said i didnt want to go to that. But i have to, of course. They said they would talk to the manager about me doing it at our building with one of the other coordinators. But my coordinator rang me today to tell me thats not possible and i have to go.

Its on Friday. I will be on my own, and most of the other people there will be new and will know each other from doing all of their training together before starting. That situation makes me anxious anyway. They told me the trainer is nice and would be fine if i asked to leave or whatever. But i dont know.

I dont know what to do. I really dont think i can do it. I dont know what else i can do. I know i have to do it, but i dont think i can cope with it like this. I've told them its a big deal, what else can i do? How can i cope with it? If i dont do it i cant return to work.