The crisis team are going to phone me at 9 (not the CMHT crisis team). They were supposed to be coming to see me at 8 but the cattery lady is coming between 8 and half 8 so I phoned them to let them know and I spoke to them briefly. I didn't really mention my worries about not going into hospital just that I don't know what's for the best. I was advised that whatever their decision they have my best interests at heart but I honestly don't think that everyone does. There is such a stigma surrounding BPD and I can't shake it off, I was treated so much better before this diagnosis when I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Now I'm constantly being thrown the attention seeking card and people expect me to be a really angry and manipulative person when in reality I am not. One of the traits of BPD I don't have is problems with anger but people assume that everyone with BPD is the same.
My brother lives about an hours train journey away and he's out tonight anyway. I just don't want to keep feeling so bad and not seeing any way that things can get better.