My previous key worker who now only works on crisis at the weekend did say she could put a plan in place so I would phone a certain number of times or they would phone me or whatever. I just said no because I was too anxious but I should maybe try and arrange something with them. If I can arrange it for when someone I know I can talk to is on crisis then it might be a bit easier although I'm comfortable with my previous key worker but I've still phoned and hung up on her. I will try and mention a crisis plan with my new key worker on Wednesday if we have time.
I don't really know much about the followers or how to help them. They are the men's followers and when they get distressed they scream in the corners. I have a corner protector that I carry around with me all the time in the back of my phone that is supposed to help with the screaming but it doesn't always and a lot of the time I don't even think to take it out of my phone and use it. The followers never properly communicate, just scream. Helping them would probably involve some kind of risky thing but I'm terrible at risky things now, I really do feel like the part of my brain that successfully does risky things is damaged/paralysed. Even when I manage to do something it's not enough. Like I should be saving up my meds to overdose but something in my brain isn't letting that happen. I hate it. I hope to find a way to override it. I need to be safe enough this week though because I'm seeing my brother at the end of the week. Then I need to get on with sorting things out.
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