Is there any way you can get back into care? it sounds to me like you could need more support right now.
I really do understand how you are feeling though. I am an recovered anorexic and tbh i miss being sick, i miss being skinny, I miss being who i was back then. However it is so important to remind yourself how horrible it also felt to be in that place, how out of control you were, how physically unwell you were.
I know it may seem irrelavant when your mind is all caught up in the illness but it is important and you need to remind yourself over and over again of the bad things.
And I can promise you that you are beautiful, wonderful and perfect as you are. you dont need to go down that road again. It will only make you miserable.
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