It sounds very painful what you're going through, re living everything. It's not fair, how painful it was to go through in the first place and now it's cruel having to go through it like it's happening all over again.
I think it's very brave that you are able to stand up and say outright that you were raped, and especially adding that he was your ex. A horrible part of being sexually assaulted or abused is the part where no one believes you or belittles it as if it was nothing. When you're in relationship with someone I have found that some people think you can't be raped if you're in a relationship, and of course you can.
The same goes for your brother trying to kill you. Some people may say you're exaggerating or that it was an accident or, it was playful sibling rivalry or that he was playing around. Your brother putting you in hospital and trying to kill you is awful.
I really respect you for still being here, for still trying even though these people in your life have disrespected your humanity and your dignity.
You don't have to forgive anyone if you don't want to.
It's fine if you find it hard to trust people. If you don't trust people then don't trust them, you don't have to. With everything that you have been through a part of respecting yourself, I have found, is people earning it. Your body and your mind, which people have betrayed, abused and traumatised, is precious. Please don't just give your trust away without some evidence that they have earned it.
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