You're not a freak. I think it's actually fairly common to wish that you were 'more ill' or had a different symptom/disorder, for a whole variety of reasons, primarily because of wanting the treatment that that would facilitate. It's good that you can see that this isn't a particularly healthy desire though and that there would be a lot of downsides of being more unwell.
Do you have any professional help at the moment? Perhaps it would be helpful to mention this to a counsellor/therapist etc (I know it sounds scary to raise it, but I imagine they will have heard similar stories before!) and you can hopefully work through what is leading you to find the idea of hospital so desirable and how to work to alter your life so that you don't feel compelled to escape it by being in hospital.
I hope that makes sense and well done for posting, I know it won't have been easy!
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