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Old 31-08-2014, 04:33 AM   #1
Leigha_Cross_x_'s Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: U.S.A.
I am currently:
A liar, and a pretender.

Sorry that I can`t write this without sounding like a child... I have no other way to get it out. I was also told I wasn`t allowed to talk about it... I need to. It`s hard trying to cope with the situation, and the memories. So I came here in my time of need.

So my cousin came to visit. She left her husband, and children from where she lived to come meet someone here. At first she said she was living with her girly friendly people. Then she brought this male over. I was confused, angry, upset, feeling at fault. Who was to care for her children with their father working 12-16 hour shifts a few states away? What was done was done, and there was nothing more to it.
She lied. She was living with this strange man. She brought him over. After a while the truth him came out. He was not what she thought he was. He is mean to her. He makes her play make up dress up like I did as a child. The blue and black make up. He makes her due things I want to forget. He makes her be a free babysitter.
She comes over to drink. She only drinks, and makes goo-goo eyes at the neighbor I like. She cries when it is time to go home. She says she will be in trouble. She even came back with a hurt leg. She said she fell down the stairs, and broke her ankle. You do not get a bloody lip from a fall. So she just leaves drunk, and comes back with make up on. I tried to stop her, but she just cries, and says she will be in trouble, and leaves.
One night I said no, but she cried, and faught me for the keys. I had some bruises, and eventually let her go. The neighbor told me to let her fight her own battles. So I started to get stronger. I did some push ups so I could be strong, and help when she needed me to. :} It did not work though. :{ I ended up hurting something, and can`t eat without pain. I can`t do much without pain. I will get better though. I will be strong.
She told me he did mean things to her. He doesn`t let her leave. She said I am not allowed to tell anyone. I am so confused. I don1t understand these feelings. I told her to move in, but she said she will get in trouble. The cops have been called, and did nothing to help. :{ Just like when I was little. No one can keep someone. No one can tell you to stay somewhere. She has places to go. She says she has nowhere to go, but she does.
Now her man she left is coming to visit. What if he makes this mean man wear make up to? The mean man that makes her wear make up acts nice, but he is not.

I feel like this is my fault, but looking at my story I know it`s not. When I was little I was told alot of things were my fault. So the mindset just stayed with me. I don`t understand why I feel I must help...maybe it`s, because no one tried to help me when I was little. I feel so many feels, and I don`t know how to handle them. I will try not to harm, and stay safe though.

You can`t recover until you accept that you have the problem,
have the will to change,
and do what needs to be done.

I survived, and recovered eating disorders.

Be as strong as you can. Tomorrow brings hope.

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