Yeah it's tough.
My head is full of voices. Crying, pleading, begging, shouting, screaming - Angry with me because I'm not doing what I'm 'supposed to'. All scared that there are spiders crawling under my skin, that demons are going to torture the people I care about because when I don't follow orders, Panicking that old abusers are going to break into my house or follow me down a side road until I change my hair or hide myself in some way.
Then there's the flashbacks, the memories cycling on repeat that I can't, the dissociation, the memory loss and gaps in my day I can't account for. Not being able to follow coversations without people having to recatch my attention.
I'm desperate for things to change. I've been pushing too hard and trying to make us all process things too fast and now I'm paying for it. I need to learn to be patient I supposed.
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